


Back to the Beginning

by xhookswenchx (ReluctantPrincess)



Series: AUs [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Divorce, F/M, Loss, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Teen Pregnancy, Tragedy, Unplanned Pregnancy, high school sweethearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:05:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 46,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2642654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReluctantPrincess/pseuds/xhookswenchx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***WARNING: PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS. I WAS WARNED THAT THIS MAY CONTAIN POSSIBLE TRIGGERS FOR SOME PEOPLE***</p><p>After an ugly divorce, Emma Swan moves back to Storybrooke. She doesn't particularly want to move back to her childhood home, but she has nowhere else to go. Still grieving from her most recent loss, she now finds herself haunted by a past she was determined to leave behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real dive into an angsty AU. Still not quite sure about it, but figured I'd give it a real try before giving up. 
> 
> Sadly, this is a phone edit, so if you see something I've missed, let me know.

Emma Swan wasn't fond of whispers, and when word got out that her husband had started cheating on her, the whispers ran rampant. She knew long before the rumors started, but the sympathetic looks she got every time she showed up at work made her want to hide under her desk. Gossip always disgusted her, and when she was the subject, it made her stomach turn.

Eventually, Neal didn't even try to hide it. Why bother when she and all their friends knew? The worst part was, the friends she thought she had had all but abandoned her. Because they were never really hers to begin with, she realized, they only associated with her because she was attached to him.

Once the divorce was final, she was completely alone. For the past few months, she had been waiting for the lease on their former apartment to be up, and now that it was almost time, she decided she no longer wanted to stay in Manhattan. It was where she ran to escape, and now, it was a prison of faded memories and devastating loss.

“David?” Her lip trembled, and she knew he could tell she was on the verge of tears, even though he couldn't see her over the phone.

“Come home, Emma,” he said, “please?”

It had been just about ten years since she'd left Storybrooke, and she wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of returning. But maybe it was what she needed, to go back to the beginning and start over.

“We have space for you,” David continued, trying to convince her.

“The last thing you need is for me to move back in with you." He may have been her cousin, but he didn't have to be her savior..  

“I miss you,” David said, “Mary Margaret too. It'll be like old times.”

Old times, except for the fact that her two best friends had gotten married while she'd been away. Talk about being a third wheel. Plus, Neal's father was pretty well known and respected in town. Even though the two had a fallout long ago, he would surely blame Emma for the divorce. Maybe he would be right to. She had nowhere else to go though, so at the moment, Storybrooke was her best option.

“Okay...” She said, not fully convinced, “how much has the place changed?”

“He's still here...” David said, knowing what she was really asking, and that that was the answer she didn't want to hear.

“I'm sure he'll have some choice words for me,” she sighed, “but I guess it's better than being here...”

“It was a long time ago,” David stated, “you were both young-”

“Okay,” she didn't want to discuss it any more. “I said okay already, I'm coming back. I don't have much, so I won't take up much space.”

One week later, Emma was back home.

***

_Emma sobbed heavily into Killian's chest as he held her. “My mother is going to kill me,” she mumbled, “and my father is going to kill you.”_

_“I think you're being a tad bit dramatic, love,” he said softly, “it's a baby. They'll be angry, but it'll pass. Same with my parents. I'm right here, Emma. No matter what happens, we'll do this together.”_

_“We're kids!” She pushed away from him, “how in the hell are we supposed to do anything? We're obviously stupid enough to screw up safe sex, how the hell can anyone expect us to do anything else right?” At this point, she was screaming, and Killian was thankful that the diamond was empty, practice having ended quite some time ago._

_“I'm sorry,” she burst into tears again, “it's just...all we've talked about since we were kids was getting out of this place, and now, I can't do that.”_

_“Wait,” Killian frowned, “what the bloody hell are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere without you.”_

_“Killian, schools are fighting over you. I can't let you pass up your future over me. you've got so much going for you. What about the majors? You've been dreaming of that since you were a kid.”_

_“I've also been in love with you since I was a kid,” he smirked. She laughed through her tears and he pulled her back into his arms. It was the truth. Upon his arrival in America, he had become friends with Emma's cousin, David, and met her shortly after. She was a year behind them in school, blonde pigtails, missing teeth and big green eyes followed them around the playground almost every afternoon. Even at that age (girls were supposed to have cooties) he was smitten. “I don't give a damn about the majors. The college here is just fine. When I said we'll get through this together, I meant it, no matter what.” Whatever she chose, he would stand by her._

_“I don't know what to do,” she whispered, “I can't...I mean...I don't think I could...” She couldn't say it, even though it was the first desperate idea that formed In her head. “I thought about it last night, but I couldn't do that. It's just a baby...”_

_“Hey,” he squeezed her tighter, “if the thought bothers you that much, don't even entertain the notion.”_

_“What do you think?” She asked._

_“Its a baby,” he said, “that's what I think. I'm glad you told me, and that you didn't do something you might regret out of fear.”_

_“You're not mad?” She asked, “because, as terrified as I am...I want to keep it." She waited for the ball to drop, for him to suddenly freak out and say they couldn't do that, but the words she expected didn't come._

_“Then that's what we'll do,” he said, “and I have no reason to be mad. If you recall, I had a hand in all this too. so, come on, like I said, I'm here. We've got to tell our parents, so lets get started on that, shall we?”_

_She should have known he would be the calm and rational one._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma runs into Killian, something neither of them are ready for.

Killian Jones frowned as the bartender added another drink to his tab. According to one of his friends, Emma had just moved back into town a couple days ago, and he wasn't sure he was ready to see her again. Unfortunately for him, Storybrooke was a small town, and he knew that she'd turn up in his path eventually.   
  
“What’s going on, mate?” One of Killian's best friends, Robin Locksley pulled up a seat at the bar, “drowning your troubles in rum?”  
  
“You know me too well,” Killian sighed.   
  
“What happened?” Robin asked. It was a topic he never really attempted to touch before, because it always seemed so sensitive, but now that Emma was back in town, he wanted to know what the hell happened between the two all those years ago, especially since his friend seemed even more broody than usual. “You were never quite clear on that. I mean, I know about the baby, but...I never expected you two to part after that.”  
  
“Doesn't matter,” Killian downed his drink and gestured for another. After a few moments in silence, he spoke again, “She'd be eleven next month.”  
  
“Fuck,” Robin groaned, “you can't keep doing this to yourself.”   
  
“Don't do what? Mourn what I've lost?” Killian's voice raised, “She was so quick to push me away, to get rid of me. So she could fucking move on and leave me to suffer on my own.”  
  
“I think that's your limit,” Robin stated, pulling the fresh drink away from his friend, “she hurt you, I get that, but, did you ever think that maybe, she was in so much pain that she didn't know how to deal with it?” He didn’t grow up with Emma like Killian had, but he knew one thing, the blonde was good at closing herself off. He’d seen it a couple times, she would get upset, and then become scared, angry and irrational. Killian had always been the one to reign her in, calm her down and get her back to normal, but some things couldn’t be fixed with hugs and kisses. Both of them had been completely broken over their loss, and neither seemed to know how to deal with it. However, Robin always thought they’d figure it out eventually, and it shocked him when they never did.

Killian rolled his eyes and paid his tab, fully intending to go home and drink in peace, away from Robins meddling. He stood and stepped away from the bar and made a beeline for the exit, accidentally plowing into a group that had been headed in the opposite direction.  
  
“Really?” The annoyed groan sounded through the shattering of glasses hitting the floor. From the sound of things, they hadn't been paying attention to where they were going either.   
  
Killian froze, knowing exactly who the voice belonged to. “Sorry,” he muttered, ducking his head and looking for a quick escape.   
  
“Killian?”   
  
He looked up, noticing the two girls she was with were trying to help her clean up her dress. Ruby and Mary Margaret, he realized, Emma's two closest girlfriends from high school. They both pulled their attention away from Emma and turned to look at him, noticing that both he and their friend were just staring at each other. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. Long, blonde curls and big, green eyes. A little sadder, perhaps, her face missing the bright smile he'd fallen in love with, but still quite enchanting. It took every ounce of willpower to keep from closing the distance between them and taking her into his arms.   
  
“Again,” he said quickly, “my apologies.” Still unable to move, he tried to gather his strength. Standing there wasn't going to get him out the door.   
  
“Are you drunk?” Emma asked.  
  
“I don't recall that being any of your business, Swan,” he said. Done with the one encounter he was nowhere near ready for, he started moving again, slowly at first, then gaining speed once he found his footing, continuing his path towards the door.  
  
***

Going out had been a mistake, Emma decided as she curled up under the plush quilt that covered her bed, seeking some semblance of comfort from it. The last person she expected to see was Killian, and it killed her to see the coldness in his eyes when he recognized her. It was her fault it was there, she broke his heart, and even though it was to give him his best chance, it seemed he still resented her for pushing him away. Not that she blamed him. He had every right in the world to hate her, but she couldn’t help but wonder why he came back, when he had the freedom he needed to chase his dreams.

She wasn't sure what hurt more, the fact that she let him go, or the fact that he wasted his future sticking around in Storybrooke.   
  
Despite the anger he harbored, he was still devilishly handsome. Raven hair, disheveled as always, sea blue eyes, and a few days of scruff on his face, obviously out of sorts, yet he still looked as if he'd just walked out of a fashion magazine.   
  
And there she was, with glass shattered at her feet, and the remnants of whatever she'd been drinking all over her dress.   
  
Like always, he was gorgeous, and she was a mess. How in the hell had he ever been in love with her?  
  
“I'm sorry,” Mary Margaret sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed Emma's back, “I didn't realize he'd be there.”  
  
“Eleven. She would be turning eleven,” Emma sobbed, “and today, I should have been six months along...” She started crying even harder after confessing the last part, “he left because I ruined everything.” She hadn't told her friends that she'd been pregnant, that after ten weeks, she'd lost the baby. All she told them was that Neal had cheated. She didn't tell them it was because he couldn't stand to be around her after she lost their child.   
  
“Emma-” Mary Margaret didn't know what to say. “It's not your fault,” she finally told her.  
  
“I'm two for two,” Her voice cracked, making it harder for Mary Margaret to understand her, “I can't even protect my babies.” Just like the first time, the doctor had told her she'd done nothing wrong, that these things just happened, but Emma found it hard to believe. One stillborn, and the other miscarried. It seemed things just “happened” every time for her.   
  
Killian probably would have stayed with her even after the obligation was gone, but Emma couldn't let him destroy his future when there was no reason to tie him down, so she let him go. She saw the heartache in his eyes, but she couldn't hold him back. Neal, on the other hand, seemed to be repulsed by her very presence, finding any excuse to get away from her. He moved on easily, while she still mourned.   
  
Why she ever started dating Gold's son, she couldn't be sure, but he offered her a way out, a way to attempt to heal her broken heart, and eventually, he became a ticket out of town.   
  
“Why did Killian come back?” She asked. He had gone straight off to some school on the west coast after he graduated, and she was shocked when David mentioned he'd returned after his first year. For as long as she knew Killian Jones, she knew his dreams. He wanted to get out of town and make a name for himself, and at one point in his life, he wanted to take her with him. Hell, he probably would have _still_ taken her with him had she not pushed him away, but even without a child, she knew she’d do nothing but hold him back.   
  
“I don't know, Emma,” Mary Margaret answered, “maybe California wasn't all he hoped it would be. He finished school here, and now, he teaches history at the high school and coaches the baseball team.”  
  
Of course he did.   
  
“I hate this place,” she admitted, and she didn’t have to say why. Being here only reminded her of all she could have had, and of all she’d lost along the way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma runs into her ex-father-in-law at the DMV, and an unexpected rescue comes her way. One she still isn't ready to deal with.

_They kicked her out, her father giving an ultimatum of “take care of this, or don't come back”. Of all the scenarios Killian imagined, that one didn't even cross his mind, but now, he was glad he didn't leave her to face her parents on her own._

_The Swans were strict, and it was no secret they didn't much care for him, but Emma was their only child. To think that they didn't love her completely and unconditionally made his blood boil._

_Killian took her away before they could do any more damage, and perhaps he drove a little too fast for sleepy town roads, but he needed to get her somewhere safe._

_By the time they got to Granny's, Emma was in such a frenzy that she had made herself sick. Ruby, the owners granddaughter and one of Emma's closest friends, got her a room at the inn and helped her get cleaned up and calmed down._

_If anything, she could stay here tonight, and he would figure out something tomorrow. At least here, she had Ruby, who wouldn't leave her alone, and as soon as he was done talking to his parents, he'd come back. She started to insist she go with him, but he didn't want to put her through the trouble. Her parents had quite the unexpected reaction and even though his parents were a bit more relaxed (and they absolutely adored Emma) there was no telling what their reaction would be. He couldn't risk her having to deal with another heartbreak._

_His parents' reaction was unexpected as well. They didn't shout, or act even remotely angry. He did get a lecture, but that was expected. Then, they asked where Emma was, and when Killian told them what had happened, they demanded he bring the girl over immediately._

_They weren't going to kick him out, and they weren't about to let her live at Granny's._

***

Emma spent the next few days reacquainting herself with the town and the old friends who came with it. Most were excited to see her, none knowing what had happened while she was away.

She hadn't seen him since their meeting at the bar, and to be honest, that was just fine. Seeing Killian was something she knew would happen, but she had hoped that she would have more time to prepare.

“Emma,” a familiar, and unwelcome voice sounded behind her, “getting everything changed over? I was told you were quick to go back to Swan-”

“Does it matter?” She asked, not wanting to give Gold the satisfaction of knowing he was hitting a nerve.

“I do hope you didn't leave my son in pieces, like you did that Jones boy,” he mused.

Emma turned to look at him. Was he really _that_ clueless, or was he just being an ass? “Did you come here just to try and get a rise out of me?”

“I'm here on official business,” he said, “just like you. It was merely a coincidence that we ran into each other. I hope your new life is all you hoped it would be, and I thank the heavens that no children were involved.”

What the fuck did Neal tell him?

“Oi!”

Emma wanted to disappear. The two people she really didn't want to see were right there at the DMV with her.

“Get away from her!” within seconds, Killian was standing between her and Gold. Protecting her, like he always had. Though, she was a little shocked he was doing it now.

“And the jilted lover runs to save his princess,” Gold laughed.

“Shut the hell up,” Killian spat, “the end of the line is by the door.”

“Have a good day, Miss Swan,” Gold nodded at her and took his leave, instead of heading towards the back though, he went straight to one of the windows, pushing someone else out of the way.

“Goddammit Killian,” she said quietly, tears stinging her eyes, threatening to fall. She hated being stared at, and even though the confrontation had been brief, it was loud enough to draw attention. Quickly, she stepped out of line and ran for the door. She could fix her license later.

“Swan!” Killian ran after her, his own reasons for standing in the never ending hell that was the DMV long forgotten. He caught up to her in the parking lot and grabbed her wrist, forcing her to stop and face him.

“I don't need your sympathy!” she shouted, “let go of me!”

Killian dropped her arm, but stepped closer, “it wasn't sympathy, love,” he argued, “I wasn't about to let him continue berating you like that. Whatever brought you back, it couldn't have been good, and the last thing you need is for that troll of a man to lay into you.”

“And you decided to be the one to swoop in and rescue me?” her voice was shaking, but she had brought the volume down a bit, “I'm not your responsibility.”

“I never said you were,” he muttered, “but I hate that man.”

“More than you hate me?” She couldn't stop the tears now. The stinging had been too much, and salty streaks now slid down her face. “Because, let's be honest, you hate me too. Not that I blame you, but don't think you have to lie about it.”

“I don't hate you,” he said, “as angry as I was, I never once hated you.”

“Could have fooled me,” she laughed bitterly, “I mean, you couldn't get away from me fast enough the other day.”

“You can't deny that was quite awkward,” he sighed, “Running into each other around here is a given, but I'd much prefer it to be in passing, not because I collided into you and your friends at a bar.”

“In passing,” She nodded, “let's just keep it that way then.”

“You left me,” he reminded her, “I don't understand why you're so angry when you're the one who tossed me to the side like I didn't matter.”

“I'm not having this discussion,” she stated, “if you're looking for gratitude, thank you for getting rid of Gold, but let's not make it a habit, okay? See you around.” She took off again, praying he didn't follow her a second time. She wasn't angry at him, in fact, she never had been. He was right, she was the one who left, and it was her own damn fault that her heart had never fully healed. The only person she was ever angry at was herself, for a wide variety of reasons, and none that she cared to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, over the next few chapters, I'm going to explore why the Swans weren't fond of Killian, and more of Neal's feud with his father. Also on the agenda, how Neal and Emma came to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma finds out Neal has come into town and has been harassing Killian ever since he crossed the border. Gold and his son seem to be chummy, despite being estranged for a decade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd throw this chapter in the mix. I'll be at Disneyland tomorrow, then Knotts on Saturday, so I won't have much time to write and edit.

After a rocky first week (she'd run into both Killian and Gold on several seperate occasions after that day at the DMV) Emma started settling into a new routine. There really wasn't much to do in Storybrooke, but finding a job wasn't all that difficult. Having a cousin who was the sheriff did have its perks. Answering phones in the tiny office may not have been an ideal job, but it was a job, and it would help her get back on her feet. 

“Hey!” Ruby greeted her as she stepped into the diner, “your order is almost ready for pickup.”

“Thanks,” Emma smiled as she walked up to the counter and took a seat. The diner wasn't exactly busy at this hour, so she thought a friendly conversation might be in order.

“Your boy came in earlier,” Ruby grinned, “and he looked happier than I've seen him in years. Did you two get back together?”

“My boy?” She asked, before realizing Ruby was definitely talking about Killian, “he's not mine, and no, we didn't get back together, and we never will.”

“Hmmm,” Ruby hummed, “maybe you said something that has him believing otherwise?” Her eyes got wide, “you hooked up, didn't you?”

Emma groaned, “Ruby...”

“You did!” The brunette was practically giddy about the idea.

“No,” Emma corrected her, “I burned that bridge a long time ago, and we all know there are some things you can't come back from.”

“But you want to,” Ruby stated.

“I never said that.” Emma was done with this conversation, “I think David's going to be mad if I don't get his coffee to him soon.”

Ruby disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a doggy bag and two coffee cups. She didn't drop the subject though, “he never stopped loving you,” she said.

“Thanks,” Emma took the food, paid, and didn't acknowledge the comment, “see you later Ruby.” She got up and headed towards the door, only to see Gold walking by the window. With Neal. 

What the hell was he doing in town?

They looked like they were actually enjoying each other's company, which was odd, seeing as Neal had quite the blowout with his father back in high school. It was part of the reason he left town in the first place. 

“Everything alright?” Ruby asked, noticing her friend was frozen in place. 

Emma gasped when she saw the father and son start up the walk towards the door. She spun around, “Sneak me out the back?”

“You can't avoid Killian forever,” Ruby teased.

“Not Killian,” she said in a panic, “Gold...and Neal...”

“Come on,” Ruby unlocked and flipped up a section of countertop, “you remember the way?” She winked. 

“Yeah,” Emma sighed in relief, “thank you.” She went behind he counter and slipped through the door of the kitchen just as the bells jingled at the entrance. 

***

“I'm sorry,” she heard David say as she walked into the station, “you and I both know I can't touch the guy, or his slime ball of a son.”

“He's going out of his way to make me miserable!” Jesus. It was Killian. Could this day get any worse? “If that's not enough, he's keyed my car.”

“Can you prove it?” David asked. When Killian growled in response, the sheriff sighed, “I don't doubt you Killian,” he said, “but if we're going to pin anything on the guy, we'll need solid proof.” 

“The bastard hasn't grown up one bit,” Killian stated, “at least I only have to worry about vandalism. He hasn't the balls to try anything else.”

She couldn't help but agree. Neal was always doing stupid things in school, but never anything serious enough to get him into major trouble. Killian was always the target back then too. 

“I hate to interrupt, but I've got coffee,” Emma stated. She wanted nothing more than to slip out and wait for Killian to leave, but the coffee would get cold, and that would mean another trip to Granny's, and that would mean risking running into the two people she was trying to hide from. At the moment, Killian was her safer option. 

“Did you know he was in town?” Killian turned to her, anger in his eyes. The whole town knew the Jones' and the Gold's had their differences, but the Gold's were the only ones who really caused problems over it. 

“Not until about ten minutes ago,” she said, taken aback by how harsh his words sounded. 

“Sorry, Swan,” his expression softened, “I shouldn't have made assumptions. I hope he didn't cause you too much trouble.”

“Ruby helped me escape,” Emma said as she handed David his coffee and food. “I'm sure I'll run into him eventually though.”

“I'll find a way to get some proof,” Killian turned back to David, “and I don't give a damn if it's just a bloody infraction, he needs to start paying for his idiocy.” He frowned as his watch chimed, “bloody hell, I need to get back to class.”

“See you around,” David said as Killian muttered goodbyes on his way out. 

Emma sat down next to the silent phone and frowned, “so, Neal's in town and he's starting already?”

“Those two have always hated each other,” David sighed, “but Neal was always the antagonizer. I never could understand why you started seeing him, of all people.”

“I was young and stupid?” She offered. David raised an eyebrow, as if he wasn't buying it. Emma sighed, “I was heartbroken, wanted to escape, and he said the magic words.”

“Run away with me?” David asked. 

“Exactly,” she said. 

“Did you love him?” He asked. 

That was a question she didn't want to answer, because the truth was, she didn't love him. Not like she should have anyway. He was a distraction and an escape. They ran away after graduation, after his father forbid him to hang around “that Swan girl”, citing a need to protect his only son's reputation. 

Apparently, getting pregnant in this town automatically made you a harlot. It didn't matter if you slept with one guy, or a hundred. If you were under age, or unwed, people stared at you like there was a huge scarlet letter stitched into your clothing. 

So, Neal saw her as a way to rebel, and she saw him as a way to forget. It was fun at first, but she was still in pieces over her loss, and eventually, they began to fight. He accused her of being in love with Killian still, and she insisted she wasn't, even though she knew she always would be. 

Part of her felt terrible, knowing she could never truly give Neal her heart, but it didn't stop her from trying. She made a mistake, coming with him, but there was no going back now, so she did her best to make him happy. 

One day, he had proposed, and alarms were going off in her head, but she said yes. He gave her freedom, so she could give him this. Things went well for awhile, but soon, he wanted more. 

He wanted children. 

She figured, why not? Maybe a baby could help her love him the way she should. Of course, common sense said that was not how things worked, but she could try. He was thrilled when she became pregnant, and for a moment, she thought she could be happy again. 

Thigns took a rotten turn when she miscarried. He accused her of all sorts of irrational things, from never wanting the baby in the first place, to forcing herself to lose it on purpose. She was devastated, but he didn't seem to think that her grief was genuine, and so she was left to mourn alone, while he went out to find a replacement. 

“Not enough,” she finally answered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian pays a visit to the cemetery. Flashback to high school and dealing with mean girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...class starts tomorrow. These updates will be a little slower, I'm sure. :/

“Hey sweetheart,” Killian sat down on the grass by the little headstone that marked where his little girl was buried, “brought you a buttercup.” He pulled the little yellow flower from his coat pocket and laid it next to the stone.   
  
She couldn't answer, and the grave was nothing more than a memorial, but visiting and talking as if she were really there made him feel better. “I know your birthday's not for another two weeks,” he continued, “but I've had a rough few days.” He choked up, “it's been nearly eleven years, yet I still feel as if we lost you just yesterday. Your mother's come back into town, and that's probably part of the reason it hurts so much more right now.”  
  
“Sorry,” someone whispered softly. Killian looked up and saw Emma walking towards him, stopping a short distance away, not wanting to overstep, “I didn't know you were here...I can come back later...”   
  
“Nonsense,” He said quietly, “there's plenty of room here.”  
  
Emma hesitated, and started shaking, “I haven't been here since the funeral. It was always too painful-” whatever else she was going to say was lost in mumbles as she started crying.   
  
Killian stood and crossed the distance she'd placed between them. He expected her to pull away as he wrapped his arms around her, but she stayed, burying her face in his chest as he tried to calm her. She continued talking, but it was hard to understand her muffled words. It sounded like apologies, but he couldn't quite make out for what. “Shhhh,” he soothed, “it's alright...I've got you.” He felt her arms wrap around his waist, and he squeezed her tighter, letting her know he wasn't going anywhere.   
  
Eventually, the tears stopped, and the sobs became softer, “Why?” She asked as she pulled back, just a little, still wanting the comfort he was offering. “I don't deserve it.”  
  
“Swan,” he brought a hand up to her face and brushed a couple stray tears from her cheek, “why would you say that?”  
  
“I pushed you away, and I've been terrible to you the entire time I've been back. Why would you be nice to me?”   
  
“You've got your reasons, love,” he stated.   
  
“It's hard to be around you,” she admitted and tears started falling again, “because being around you reminds me too much of everything. But that's no excuse. You've never done anything to hurt me.”  
  
“I walked away,” he said.   
  
“Because I told you to,” she reminded him.   
  
“Didn't mean I had to listen,” he said, “I took the easy way out, because for the first time in my life, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't make it better, couldn’t make you happy again, and it killed me. So, when you told me to get lost, I did just that, hoping that it would help, but knowing that it wouldn't. I'm sorry, Emma. I failed you.”  
  
“Is that why you came back?”  
  
“Yes. I came back because it was impossible to chase my dreams when I was missing half of them. Only, I came back too late. I missed you by mere days. I hoped with all my heart that you found the happiness you deserved, but then you came back and I knew that you hadn't.”  
  
“But none of that is your fault,” she said, “I made my choices, and they were mine alone. You aren't the one who failed, I am.”   
  
Emma tried to process all the confessions, and she could tell by the look on his face, that he was doing the same thing. It took her by surprise when he leaned down and kissed her, and for a brief moment, she kissed him back. Just as quickly as she gave in, she pulled away, her brain catching up with her body and screaming in alarm. She squirmed out of his arms and stepped back. “Are you crazy?”  
  
“Perhaps I am,” he said, sounding defeated.   
  
“We can't do this,” she stated.   
  
“Why not?” He took a step closer to her, only to be crushed all over again when she backed away even further. “Emma, just talk to me. Please?”  
  
“I have to go,” she said quickly, turning away and running towards her car.   
  
“Dammit,” he muttered. He wanted nothing more than to chase after her, but as he watched her bug speed away, he knew that was the last thing she needed. Emma liked to run, and chasing her would only make her run faster.  
  
***  
 _School was the worst. It was bad enough that her parents kicked her out, did everyone in the whole town have to know about it too?_  
  
 _Emma and Killian had skipped school that Friday, and by the time they returned on Monday, rumors and speculations were running rampant._  
  
 _“They've got nothing better to do, love,” Killian assured her, “don't pay any attention to the gossip.”_  
  
 _She wished she could be as strong as he was, but then again, he wouldn't have to deal with the whispers and stares when she started showing. As the weeks wore on, she knew she was right. Even when her bump was practically microscopic, people seemed to notice. The end of the school year just wasn't coming fast enough either. Every time she wanted to disappear though, Killian was right by her side, protecting her from the worst of it. Girls who had been with half the football team were the meanest, treating her like she was some sort of skank who got what she deserved. Finally, Killian had enough of that and started calling them out whenever they started in on Emma. At one point, he made the head cheerleader cry after he named off all the guys she'd been with._  
  
 _“How did you know all that?” Emma asked._  
  
 _“Guys talk,” he shrugged, “I may not be on the football team, but we've got some of their guys playing baseball, and she's also slept with the pitcher, second baseman, and the catcher. Anyway, are you coming to the game tonight? I've gotta be there early, but I'm sure Mary Margaret could give you a ride.”_  
  
 _“I don't know,” she frowned._  
  
 _“You've never missed a home game,” he said, “Your best friend is going to be there. She won't let anyone bother you.”_  
  
 _That night, she sat with her best friend, as planned. Just before the game began, they were joined by Mary Margaret's step-sister, Regina, who had just started seeing the first baseman, Robin. The girl made Emma nervous, seeing as when her mother first married Mary Margaret's father, things were rocky. She hated Mary Margaret, and because Emma was her best friend, she was hated too. It couldn't have been easy, going from being an only, spoiled child to having a sister the same age as you. The two brunettes fought like crazy for the first few years, but the summer before high school, something changed. Instead of hating each other, they started enjoying each other's company._  
  
 _Still, Regina could be moody, and Emma wasn't sure how to handle her. But she was friendly enough, and she hadn't made a snide remark towards Emma about anything, despite the fact that it was now the in thing to talk trash about the pregnant girl._  
  
 _“He's got a nice ass,” Regina stated, “don't you think?”_  
  
 _“What?” Emma pulled herself from her thoughts and tried to focus on whatever Regina was talking about._  
  
 _“Robin,” she laughed, “He’s got a nice ass.”_  
  
 _“Oh God,” Mary Margaret rolled her eyes and giggled, “last week, you were going on and on about his arms, and now it's his butt?”_  
  
 _“I love baseball pants,” Regina mused, “Emma's the smart one, she's been dating Mister Baseball Pants since little league.”_  
  
 _“I have not,” Emma blushed._  
  
 _“Beg to differ,” Mary Margaret smiled, “Maybe not officially, but you two have pretty much been together since the day you met.”_  
  
 _“I was five,” she reminded her friend._  
  
 _“Regina's right,” Mary Margaret grinned as David stepped up to bat, “Baseball pants are nice.”_  
  
 _“Better watch the company you keep.” The three girls looked over to see Miss Head Cheerleader standing with a couple girls from her posse. Of course she'd return with reinforcements._  
  
 _Regina didn't skip a beat, leaving her spot at Mary Margaret's side and standing between the girls and Emma, “Pregnant isn't contagious, but I'm pretty sure whatever disease_ you've _got is.” Emma was surprised to see Regina standing up for her, it had never happened before._  
  
 _“And what are you implying?” the girl asked._  
  
 _“Not implying anything,” Regina snapped back, “It's pretty common knowledge that you passed something on to the catcher.”_  
  
 _“I think it was the first time Jefferson ever caught something,” Mary Margaret chipped in._  
  
 _“So if you want to pass judgment, then by all means, please do. But know that we'll be airing out all your dirty laundry if you decide to go down that road. Believe me sister, I know plenty.” Regina was ready to fight fire with fire, and Emma couldn't be more grateful for that. When the girls huffed off (likely to regroup and come up with a new plan of attack) Regina sat next to Emma, “Don't listen to those skank whores.”_  
  
 _“Thank you,” Emma smiled. Maybe she was wrong about Regina._  
  
 _“In Jefferson's defense,” Mary Margaret was obviously feeling a little guilty about her joke, “he was drunk. I'm pretty sure he regrets that, because he swore up and down the next day it was terrible and would never happen again.”_  
  
 _“I won't tell him about your quip,” Regina promised, “But it was a good one.”_  
  
 _The rest of the game went on without incident, and the girls all promised not to utter a word to the guys about what happened. However, Emma couldn't help but spill her guts on the ride home. Killian could always tell when something was wrong, and he was good at getting her to talk._  
  
 _“Don't say anything,” she begged, “We all promised we wouldn't say anything, because it just doesn't need to escalate.”_  
  
 _“That damn bitch,” he growled, “I won't say a word, but if she tries to start some shit again-”_  
  
 _“No.” Emma cut him off. This was exactly what she didn't need. “It's just some dumb slut trying to make herself feel better.”_  
  
 _“She has no right to try and drag you down in the process,” he said, “she's been with half the school, and everyone knows it. She may not have gotten pregnant, but I know for a fact she's passed a few other things around.”_  
  
 _“I don't care,” Emma shook her head, “It's bad enough everyone wants to make some sort of weird example out of me, I don't need to spend the rest of the school year having people go to war for me.” At least the summer would offer her a break, and Killian would be right back at her side when they returned to school for her junior, and his senior year._  
  
 _“Hey,” he took her hand and gave it a squeeze, “it's not fair, you know. They're holding everything to double standards. Girls picking on you, guys slapping me on the back. It's fucking stupid, and I swore I'd be there for you, and I meant it. So, if I have to go to war, then so be it.”_  
  
 _Emma smiled at him, knowing that once he had his mind set to something, there was no way she could talk him out of it. To be perfectly honest, she liked the fact that he'd go out of his way to protect her. He was right about the double standards, her run ins with Miss Cheerleader were evidence enough of that, but their real friends didn't bat an eye when it came to sticking by them, and that brought her a comfort she never knew she needed._

_And damn, did she ever need it right now._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma goes for a drink, and winds up finding herself ready to kill someone.

The little yellow bug came to a screeching halt outside of Granny's. Emma wasn't sure where to go, or what to do, she just knew that she couldn't stay near Killian.

Ruby looked up when the diner door flew open, shocked to see Emma, still in tears, rushing towards the counter. “I need a drink,” she stated, “and no lectures about it being before noon.”

“Well,” Ruby grinned, “it's a good thing Granny left the diner to _me_ , because I always keep the good stuff on hand.” She reached under the counter and pulled out a bottle of rum, that Emma figured had to be “the good stuff”.

“If you say so,” she forced a smile as Ruby poured a shot.

“I'm not a bartender,” her friend said, “but I'm still a good listener.”

Emma took the shot, trying not to remember how much she hated the stuff, and instead, attempting to let the slow burn numb her. “Another?”

“You got it,” Ruby gave her a sad smile, “what's going on, Emma?”

“He kissed me,” She blurted out after her third shot, or was it her fourth? Was she losing count already?

“Wait,” Ruby frowned, “ _Who_ kissed you.”

“Who do you think?” Emma snapped.

“Well, I'm hoping to God it was Killian and not Neal,” Ruby replied, “you haven't had the displeasure of running into that creep yet, have you?”

“Just his dad,” Emma muttered, “and yes, it was Killian. Neal wouldn't bother, and I wouldn't let him if he tried.”

“The truth comes out,” Ruby grinned, “you _wanted_ Killian to kiss you.”

“No!” Emma protested, “I didn't! He just _did_! Then, I ran away, because that _can't_ happen, and he doesn't seem to understand why.”

Ruby sighed as she put the shot glass away and handed Emma the bottle, “Maybe I'm stupid,” she said, “But I fail to understand the 'why' as well.”

“Same here,” someone entered the diner from the inn portion of the building and Emma groaned internally. It was Neal, and now that she had a buzz going, it was going to be even harder to deal with him. “Because, you were pining for the guy the entire time you were with me, and if he's willing to take you back... well, you'd better jump at the chance.”

“Fuck off,” Emma shot back, “no one asked you. And if you thought I was pining, why the hell did you propose in the first place?” She refused to look at him, refused to let him know that she'd been crying. The only thing he could see was that she was drowning her pain in booze.

“Does it really matter now?” he asked, “you did everything in your power to _not_ have that baby-”

That struck a nerve so fast that Emma didn't even know what hit her. In an instant, she was off her seat and in his face, clutching his shirt in her hand, “Say it! Say it one more fucking time, you asshole! I _wanted_ that baby. Whatever twisted story you have in your head is something you made up all on your own. How dare you leave me alone in my grief. I fucking needed you and you went out and cheated on me!”

“Shit,” Ruby jumped over the counter and ran to Emma, trying to pull her away and finding little success.

The bells at the door chimed, “Ruby, I need a drink, and I don't need a lecture about it being before-bloody hell...” He noticed no one was behind the counter, and a fight was looking to break out.

“Killian!” Ruby shouted, “Help me before she kills him!”

Reluctantly, (because hell, Neal probably deserved whatever punishment she was trying to dole out) he ran over to help Ruby. The two of them managed to pull her off of Neal without further incident, but instead of thanking them, he just shook his head and kept on with the insults. “Go crawling back to him,” he said, “the idiot is too stupid to see how worthless you are.”

“Killian...” Ruby warned, but it was too late.

Killian let go of Emma and threw a punch that landed right on Neal's jaw. Not wanting to get caught in the crossfire, Ruby brought Emma back to the counter, seemingly, just in time. Neal didn't take long to catch on, and he threw a punch back, only to be met by a block, and then a fist to the stomach. Neal fell to the ground, and Killian hauled him back up by the shirt, “You listen to me,” he growled, “I don't know what brought your sorry ass back to town, but you leave her alone. You're the one who left, so there's no reason to keep bothering her.”

“I could have your ass arrested,” Neal argued.

“Go for it,” Killian said, “it would be worth it.” He let go of Neal and watched as the man dropped back down to the floor. “Apologies, Ruby,” he said, walking over to the counter, “I made sure to only break his face, and I even went easy on that...”

“Still need that drink?” Ruby asked, nodding over to the forgotten bottle of rum, which looked to be missing quite a bit.

He looked at the bottle, then at Emma before raising an eyebrow in question. When Ruby nodded confirming that, yes, it _was_ full when she brought it out, he sighed, “You alright, Swan?”

“No,” she mumbled, still clinging on to Ruby.

“We need to clean this up before the lunch rush starts in,” Ruby stated, “So, you get dumbass to his room, and I'll get Missy to an empty one so she can sleep this off.”

***

_“Seems someone is back from his mother's early this summer,” Killian frowned, “Doesn't he have anything better to do with his time?” He and Emma had just come out of the grocery store to find that Killian's car had been keyed. There was only one person in town who hated him enough to bother with taunting him._  
  
 _“It's too bad we can never catch the guy,” Emma sighed. They'd never seen him do it, there was never a shred of evidence left behind, yet they knew it was him._

_“He's just jealous,” Killian shrugged it off as he popped the trunk and started loading the bags into the car, “Because you're with me, and not him.”_

_“Sure,” she laughed, “Because he wants a pregnant girlfriend and all the drama that goes with it. I think this feud has more to do with his dad and your dad than it does with the three of us.”_

_“Pops never told me what happened,” Killian said, “But I'm sure it was over a damned woman.”_

_“Oh really?” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, “and what about us damned women makes you idiots want to fight?”_

_Killian pushed the cart away, “stop it,” he kissed her cheek, “You know exactly why I'd fight for you. To be honest though? I really think the woman was Neal's mother.”_

_“Really?” She asked._  
  
 _He went around and opened her door for her, then went back to his side of the car, “don't you dare utter a word,” he warned._

_“Right,” she said, “because I love to gossip.”_

_“You're egging me on, aren't you?” He teased. When she stuck her tongue out, he laughed, but continued, “so, I may have seen some of dad's old yearbooks. From the signatures in there, it looked like Gold's ex-wife was quite close with my old man back in the day. I mean, she's a pretty lady, and I'm not sure how the hell she ended up with Gold, but if I were a betting man, I'd place my money on the whole thing being over her.”_

***

With Neal and Emma tucked away safely, Killian headed downstairs to help Ruby clean up. Fortunately, there wasn't much of a mess, but the rum was still out and there was a little evidence of a scuffle. “Need help with the rush?”

“Killian Jones,” she giggled, “Are you giving up your afternoon to help me keep this place running?”

“Knock it off Ruby,” he rolled his eyes, “do you need help or not? I see you're missing a cook.”

“Dammit,” she frowned, “I hired that idiot to help out, and he keeps disappearing on me.”

“It's been awhile, but I think I can handle it,” he winked, “can't be harder than taming a classroom full of rambunctious teenagers, right?”

“Right,” Ruby agreed, though she wasn't sure what a class full of rambunctious teenagers was like. It'd been far too long since she'd graced a school with her presence.

Killian an stepped into the kitchen and looked through the window to the dining room, “remember when you and Emma would be goofing off, and Granny would yell at you? Meanwhile, I'd be back here, slaving away and picking up the slack.”

“Those were some good summers,” Ruby laughed.

“Maybe for you!”

“You had a good time, and you know it,” she said, “maybe we'll start having summers like that again soon.”

“We aren't children anymore,” Killian reminded her as he started up the grill. The first of the rush came in, making itself known by the endless chimes of the bells on the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the fight, Emma's got a headache and Ruby makes sure Neal keeps his mouth shut.

Later that afternoon, Emma woke up with a pounding headache. Silently cursing her idiocy, she went over to the bathroom and tried splashing water on her face. It didn't help one bit. A light knock on the door put her on alert. She knew Ruby wouldn't tell Neal what room she put her in, but what if he had figured it out?

“Emma?” The person on the other side called, “it's Killian. I've got some Tylenol for that headache I know you have.”

Slowly, she shuffled towards the door, opening it and pulling him inside before shutting it again and bolting it up. 

“What the-”

“I don't want Neal finding out what room I'm in,” she said. He nodded and held up the bottle of Tylenol and a water bottle for her. “Thanks,” she said as she took them from him. 

“I'm sorry,” he said, “for earlier this morning, and this afternoon. I had no right to do either of those things. It wasn't fair to you.”

“I know why you punched Neal,” she said. As she took the medicine, she thought about whether or not she should continue asking questions she didn't want the answers to.

“You do?” He asked. 

“He asked for it,” she shrugged and walked over to sit on the bed, “what I don't know, is why you kissed me.”

Killian sighed, and took a couple, cautious steps towards her, “you really don't know?” She shook her head. “I'm still in love with you. Always have been...”

“That's...” She frowned. Ruby told her he was still in love with her, but how? “Impossible. I broke your heart! You don't love people who hurt you like that.”

“If you're trying to tell me you don't deserve it, then you can just forget that argument right now. Yes, Emma, you broke my heart, and I won't lie, there was only one thing that hurt worse than losing you.” He didn't have to say it, she knew what he meant, because losing their daughter was the thing that hurt her most too. “We were young, irrational, and dealt a very difficult hand. So, yes, it hurt, but it didn't make me love you any less.”

“I'm not even the same person,” she said quietly, “how can you say you're still in love with me when you don't really know me anymore?” 

“You're not all that different,” he stepped forward again, wanting to be closer, but not wanting her to feel cornered, “same Swan, maybe a little older, a little wiser, but under that mask you've been wearing is the same girl I fell in love with all those years ago.”

Emma wasn't sure what to say to that, because as impossible as it seemed, Killian still had a grip on her heart too. Had they really both stayed in love all these years, even with the distance and silence between them?

That sort of thing just didn't happen in real life. 

“Emma,” his voice brought her out of her daze and back to the present, “Tell me what happened?” He took a risk and made his way to the bed, sitting next to her. When she didn't get up and run off, he took it as a good sign, “because you don't just react that way unless someone burned you badly.”

“We got married a few years ago,” she said, “I mean, we'd been living together ever since we left town, but he wanted to get married, so I agreed, even though I was pretty sure I was making a mistake. But I felt bad, you know? Because he obviously loved me, and I just couldn't love him the way he needed me to.”

“That didn't look like love down there,” Killian said. 

“He blames me,” her lower lip started trembling, and she wanted to tell him it was time for him to go, because did he really need to hear that she'd gotten exactly what she deserved? 

“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,” he assured her, “But whatever he blames you for, I'm certain it's not your fault.”

“Ruby didn't tell you?” She asked. 

“Tell me what, love?”

He was completely clueless. Ruby had heard everything, about the baby and the cheating, and Killian had been down there with her for God only knows how long, and she didn't tell him? “About why I was fighting with Neal in the diner?”

“Our friend may be a gossip, but she draws the line when it comes to some things,” he frowned, “which means, whatever he did to hurt you must have been something really bad.”

“I-” she hiccuped, and the tears started falling, “I was pregnant,” she finally choked out, “and I lost the baby, and he said all sorts of horrible things to me. Like how it was my fault, and I did it on purpose, and that I didn't want it anyway. Then, he went out to find a replacement for me. I got divorce papers less than a month after i miscarried. I was already hurting, and I just needed him to love me and comfort me, and he didn't care. He was just in his own, stupid world, convinced that I wasn't invested in anything and just looking for a way out. But it wasn't true. I may not have been what he needed, but I was determined to make it work. I was invested and he threw me away.”

“Jesus, Emma,” Killian let out the breath he didn't even know he'd been holding. 

“I guess you can say I got what I deserved,” she added, “because that's almost exactly what I did to you.”

“No one deserves that kind of treatment,” he said, “and that's not what you did to me. Our circumstances were quite different, and you may have pushed me away, but don't forget, that I was the one who ran. It sounds to me like he was the one looking for a way out and the only way he could make himself feel better about it was by tearing you down in the process.”

She wanted to protest, because she didn't want him being so damned nice to her when she didn't deserve it. But she couldn't deny that getting everything off her chest felt like a huge weight was lifted. “I'm sorry,” she whispered. 

“For what?”

“For pushing you away, then trying to ease the pain by running away with the one person you hated more than anything.”

“I used to hate his father more,” he admitted, “but knowing what I know now? I think it's a tie between them. But like I said, it was a long time ago, and we both made our mistakes. There's no taking them back, so we can't dwell on them.”

This time, she kissed him, and though it was the last thing he expected, he kissed her back, weaving his fingers in her hair with one hand, pulling her towards him with the other, slipping his arm around her waist. 

Another knock on the door pulled them apart, and for a moment, Emma wanted to pretend she didn't hear it. “Ems?” Ruby called, “Neal left, do you want me to call David to get you a ride home?”

It would be rude to not answer the door now, Emma decided, crossing the room to acknowledge her friend. “I'm fine,” she said, once the door was opened. 

Ruby pushed her way in, “I still don't want you driving, Emma, we gotta talk about...oh.” She stopped talking when she saw Killian sitting on the bed, “sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. I thought you'd be gone by now.” She gave Emma a wicked smile, and the blonde groaned, knowing exactly where her friend's mind was going. It wasn't difficult to guess, it was the same place her own mind had been going mere seconds ago. The very place it wasn't supposed to go. 

“What do we need to talk about?” Emma asked, hoping her face wasn't as red as it felt. 

“I managed to get Neal to keep quiet,” she said, “he's not going to say anything about the fight.”

“How did you do that?” Killian asked.

“I may have told him the witnesses saw something different than what he was describing,” she said, “but I'm glad you're here Killian, you need to hear this too. Because as awesome as it was to see you give that guy his just desserts, it can't happen again. We won't always have the luxury of an empty diner, and it doesn't matter if he's the one starting things, you and Emma were the ones that attacked first. Your witnesses may not always be as wonderful as yours truly either.”

“I'm sorry to put you in that spot,” Emma said, “I don't know what got into me.”

“From what I saw on the counter, it looked to be quite a bit of rum,” Killian quipped. Emma shot him a look that dared him to make another joke. 

“You know what?” Ruby grinned, “I'm going to go. Let me know when you're ready to get out of here.” She left the room, closing the door behind her. 

Emma walked to the door and opened it, “you too.”

“Why me? I thought we were getting along?” 

“Because I had all that rum, and I can't be trusted to make good desicions at the moment.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma remembers the first time Killian ever kissed her. Later, Mary Margaret tries to convince her to go out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Class has officially started, but I've got a few chapters written, so during my study breaks, I'll be editing and posting. Seriously, thank you for all your reviews and support, it really makes me happy! :)

_“Hey, Swan,” Killian said as he threw an arm around Emma, “glad you could make it.”_  
  
 _“Ew!” Emma giggled as she shoved him away, “you're all gross!”_  
  
 _“That tends to happen when you play sports,” David laughed as he joined them, scooping his cousin into a bear hug._  
  
 _“Knock it off!” Emma squirmed as much as she could to get out of his grasp. “God, you two are disgusting!”_  
  
 _David released her with a grin, “Where's your friend?”_  
  
 _“Talking to Vic,” Emma said with a mischievous grin, “I think she likes him.” David's expression changed quickly, and Emma could see a flash of jealousy in his eyes as he began scanning the parking lot for Victor Whale. Once he spotted Victor, he took off._  
  
 _“You’re mean,” Killian pretended to scold her, giving her one of those lopsided grins she liked so much, “You know he adores that girl.”_  
  
 _“Apparently, Vic is kind of fond of her too,” Emma said._  
  
 _“He's fond of females in general,” Killian rolled his eyes, “and he's too old for her anyway.”_  
  
 _“Could say the same about David,” she shrugged, “why do you two insist on hanging out with us anyway?”_  
  
 _“There’s a difference,” Killian explained, “Vic's a junior, Dave and I are freshmen. So, we're not that much older than you two.”_  
  
 _“You mean, you can't find any high school girls who will give you the time of day,” she teased._  
  
 _“I’m a freshman who managed to make Varsity,” he laughed, “The only guys who can get more girls than me, are the football players.”_  
  
 _“Yet, I'm the one who you bring to the game,” she rolled her eyes, “yeah, you're Mister Popularity, dragging your best friend's cousin along.”_  
  
 _“Maybe my best friend's cousin is the only girl I want,” he grinned._  
  
 _“Idiot,” she practically whispered it, not quite sure how to take his comment._  
  
 _“Perhaps,” he shrugged, and playfully kicked at her feet, “but you like it.”_  
  
 _“I swear,” she balled up her hands into fists, “if you try to kiss me, I'll slug you.”_  
  
 _“It’s a good thing I can run,” he smirked. She gave him an “I dare you” glare. “Relax. I'm not going to kiss you...yet.”_  
  
 _“I hate you sometimes,” she wrinkled her nose, “you know that, right?”_  
  
 _“No you don't. You think I'm charming.” He leaned in and gave her a quick little kiss on the lips. Before she could react, he took off laughing._  
  
 _“What's up with Killian?” Mary Margaret asked as she walked up to Emma._  
  
 _“Huh?” Emma came to her senses, “did you say something?”_  
  
 _“I said what's up with Killian?” Her friend said again, “he went running by us laughing like a lunatic. Are you okay?”_  
  
 _“I’m fine,” she said, “Is your dad here yet?”_  
  
 _“No,” Mary Margaret laughed, “why are you avoiding my other question?”_  
  
 _“Oh Killian?” Emma blushed, “that idiot kissed me.” Suddenly, she didn’t really want to slug him anymore._  
  
***  
  
By the time Monday rolled around, Emma had gotten pretty good at avoiding Killian, but Neal seemed to be around every corner. Thankfully, even when he was with his dad, he refrained from making comments, but that didn't stop him from making her feel uncomfortable.  
  
She wondered why he'd come back to town. Didn't he still have it good in New York? With whatever her name was?  
  
Closer to the week's end, she'd gotten good at avoiding everyone, making David and Mary Margaret concerned. Ruby had kept her promise about not mentioning the fight (especially to David. God, that would be stupid) but she was almost certain the little gossip wouldn't be able to resist telling her pals all about Killian kissing Emma.  
  
David would talk to him, because David was one of his best friends, and that's what best friends did.  
  
“Emma?” Mary Margaret knocked on the bedroom door, “we're all going out to the Rabbit Hole tonight. Think maybe you'd want to join us? Regina's coming. I know you haven't seen her yet, because she's been out of town, but Emma, I know she'd want to see you-”  
  
“Is this a girl thing?” Emma asked, interrupting what she was sure would turn into the biggest run on sentence ever, had she not stopped it.  
  
“Well,” Mary Margaret stammered, “can you open the door? Please? It's been a week since I've seen you, and David only sees you at work. You keep sneaking in and out to avoid everyone, and-”  
  
Emma swung the door open and moved aside so her friend could come in. “So who's going?”  
  
“He isn't going to bother you, Emma,” Mary Margaret said, “but he's our friend, and he always goes when we get together.”  
  
“He told me he was still in love with me,” Emma blurted out.  
  
“Well, we all knew that, Emma,” she said, “He’s been in love with you-”  
  
“I know, I know,” Emma sighed, “since we were little. But he can't honestly think that that's enough to fix everything. Like we can just go back to the way things were before everything went to hell.” That was putting it lightly. Everything had gone to hell, and it was still continuing to dive further into the darkest pits of the underworld.  
  
“I don't think he wants that,” Mary Margaret said, “he's been angry for a long time, and he's only recently started working through it.”  
  
“Then I fucked it all up by coming home,” Emma stated.  
  
“It was rocky at first,” Mary Margaret admitted, “especially after that night at the bar, but I think that was more because he wasn't expecting to run into you that way. But according to Ruby, you two are talking...that's a good thing, right?”  
  
“Sure,” Emma shrugged. If Ruby had left it at that, the she wasn't about to spill the beans either. Neither woman said anything for a few minutes, but Emma could see the desperation in her friend's eyes. “Okay,” she said, “I'll go.”  
  
“Yay!” Mary Margaret hugged Emma and then made her way out of the room, “leaving at seven!” She exclaimed on her way out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma goes out with her friends and realizes that Ruby is right, running off when the going gets tough isn't going to help anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain hurts. Psychology is an interesting subject. :)
> 
> xhookswenchx on tumblr if you care to follow me there!

Being at the Rabbit Hole with everyone was actually nice. The last time they had all been able to get together, they were too young to get into the establishment (though Killian and Robin managed to use fake IDs a couple times before they got caught) and had to settle for Granny's.   
  
“Vic can't make it,” Ruby pouted, “he's working late tonight.”   
  
“I still can’t believe you hooked up with Whale, of all people,” Regina laughed.   
  
Emma laughed with her, because, as alike as Ruby and victor were, their flirtatious personalities and wandering eyes made actual relationships quite difficult.   
  
“It’s complicated,” Ruby grinned, “but enjoyable. Emma can be my date tonight, right? After all, her boy seems to be missing too.”  
  
“He's not my boy,” Emma muttered.   
  
“Catch me up,” Regina said, “so, you come back into town, and what? Just pretend he doesn't exist?”  
  
“We're...” Emma frowned, “working on being friendly.”   
  
“Friendly,” Ruby laughed, “with their lips! Probably tongues too-OUCH! Emma! What was that all about?” She rubbed her side where Emma had elbowed her.  
  
“Is _that_ why you've been avoiding him this week?” Mary Margaret asked as she leaned forward in anticipation for some more information.  
  
“Did you sleep with him?” Regina asked.   
  
“I don’t want to know!” David shouted. Robin nodded towards the bar, and the men made themselves scarce.   
  
Regina, Ruby, and Mary Margaret huddled closer to Emma. “Well?” Mary Margaret asked.   
  
“No!” Emma exclaimed, “and I'd rather not discuss any of this.”  
  
“Apologies,” Killian grabbed a seat at the table, “long game tonight. We had to go into a tenth inning, then wound up losing.” When he was done explaining himself, he looked around the table, “Where are the guys?”  
  
“Try the bar,” Ruby giggled, “and get out of here, we're gossiping.”  
  
“No we're not,” Regina rolled her eyes, “because Emma isn't giving us any details.”  
  
“I’d like details too,” Killian joined the huddle, “details like, where the bloody hell have you been all week?”  
  
The girls turned towards Emma, expecting an answer. “I don't see how that's any of your business, Jones,” she said. Then, like a tennis match, all eyes went back to Killian.   
  
“Perhaps not,” he shrugged, “but if you kiss a man and then disappear, he does tend to worry...”  
  
“Wait,” Ruby stopped them, “I thought you said he kissed you?”  
  
“I did,” Killian confirmed, “and she ran away. Then, she kissed me at Granny's before kicking me out of her room.”  
  
“I knew it!” Ruby shouted, “I _did_ interrupt something!”  
  
“You interrupted drunken stupidity,” Emma growled, “I'm going to join the guys at the bar.”  
  
“Nope!” Ruby grabbed her by the hand, “you're going to dance with me!” She pulled a protesting Emma out to the floor.   
  
“Should we join them?” Mary Margaret asked.  
  
“Duh,” Regina answered, then she looked over at Killian, “but not you. The boys are at the bar.”  
  
***  
 _“One more,” Killian laughed as he kissed her on the cheek, “please?”_  
  
 _“If my parents come home and find you here, we're both dead,” she giggled._  
  
 _“What?” He gave her one of his silly, lopsided grins, “we were just studying.”_  
  
 _“Yeah. Studying.” She rolled her eyes as she tossed him his shirt, “I wasn't aware you were taking anatomy this year.”_  
  
 _“I didn't hear you complaining a few minutes ago,” he said, “so come on, one more kiss before I have to go?”_  
  
 _“Kay,” she gave him a quick kiss and then pulled away, “but that's it. I'm doing you a favor, my dad's got a shotgun.”_  
  
 _“I wasn't aware people did that anymore,” he laughed, “you might want to button up your shirt there too, Swan, or your parents are going to know you were fooling around whether I'm still here or not.” He pulled his shirt on, then curled his fingers in the belt loops of her shorts, pulling her closer to him._  
  
 _“Knock it off, idiot,” she swatted at him._  
  
 _“I’m only helping you, darling,” he smirked as his hands left her shorts and started buttoning her shirt up._  
  
 _“And here I was, thinking you only knew how to unbutton things,” she teased._  
  
 _“I’m a man of many talents,” he said before kissing her again._  
  
 _Sometimes, she still had a hard time believing that this was the same boy she grew up with. Between pulled pigtails and kicked shins, it was a wonder they ever fell for each other. The first time he kissed her, it was nothing more than a shy, innocent peck. Something she practically dared him to do. That was when she realized they picked on each other, because they liked each other, and both were too shy to just come out and say it._  
  
 _Now, here they were, a year later, still acting like children on a playground, and enjoying every minute of it._  
  
 _They’d been each other's first crush, first kiss and she was so tempted to think that he might just be her first love, even though, she wasn't really all too sure what that meant. Wasn’t she still too young to understand all that love garbage?_  
  
 _Her parents didn't like him, and Emma figured it was simply because she was so smitten with him._  
  
 _“Still on for the dance tomorrow?” He asked, once he'd finished buttoning her shirt._  
  
 _“After the game, right?”_  
  
 _“Yup,” he grinned, “you'll be there too?”_  
  
 _“Wouldn’t miss it,” she giggled, “but you gotta get out of here. Dad will been home any minute.”_  
  
 _“Alright,” he gave in, giving her one last kiss on the cheek, “see you tomorrow.”_  
  
 _Despite the fact no one was home, he still opted to use her bedroom window for his escape. It was something he'd done more times than he could count, but it never failed to amuse Emma. “Hey,” she said, just as he started his descent, “they're going out of town for the weekend.”_  
  
 _“And they're leaving you home alone?” He raised an eyebrow. There was no way the Swans’ would trust her all by herself for a whole weekend._  
  
 _“Well,” she grinned, “I'm supposed to be staying with Mary Margaret, but you should come by before the game.”_  
  
 _“And your parents think I'm the bad influence,” he said, “call you tomorrow, Swan.”_  
  
***  
  
Emma lost herself in the music, swaying along with her friends, and enjoying the fact that they weren't drilling her for answers. She didn’t want to answer questions and she _definitely_ didn't want to think about anything right now.   
  
Eventually, David and Robin swooped in, stealing their girls away, leaving Emma with just Ruby.   
  
“Vic's missing out,” Ruby looked around the floor, catching the eyes of several admirers.   
  
“Don’t you dare leave me alone,” Emma warned.   
  
“Have you really been avoiding him, Emma?” She asked as she spun her around to face the bar. “Look at him.”  
  
Emma rolled her eyes, but looked over at the bar. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, watching a game, chatting and drinking with friends. But not Killian. He was just sitting there, hunched over his drink.   
  
“He’s missed you,” Ruby told her, “I've seen him try to start something with other girls, and it never worked out. Because, as impossible as you may think it is, that man has never gotten over you, and still loves you with all his heart.”  
  
“He's in love with a memory,” Emma said.  
  
“How will you ever know unless you talk to him?” Ruby have her a little shove in the right direction, “and I mean _really_ talk to him. No more of this running off crap when it gets too intense.”  
  
Emma looked over her shoulder at her friend, who was urging her to get off the dance floor. Looking back at Killian, she could tell the guy was really not having a good time, and she knew it was partially her fault. She'd been avoiding him, and even though that was probably best for her, it wasn't fair to him. After another shove from Ruby, she stopped dancing and walked over to the bar.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An encounter at The Rabbit Hole has Emma going into panic mode. David deals with Neal, and a friendship might be back on track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ahem* I had every intention of posting this yesterday, but I was sick. I had a bit too much fun (and wine) cooking up Thanksgiving dinner the night before and spent all of Thanksgiving in bed, unable to eat the delicious food I helped prepare. I did manage to get my hands on some today though. Feeling much better now!
> 
> Word to the wise, the older you get, the less tolerant you are to the drinks! (Especially, when you're like me, and rarely drink at all!)

“So,” Emma said as she took a seat next to Killian, “ten innings, huh?”  
  
Killian looked up from his drink and just stared at her for a moment, like he couldn't believe she was talking to him. “We lost by three runs,” he finally said.   
  
“I’m sorry,” she said, “for avoiding you. I just...I'm really confused right now and I didn't know what else to do.”  
  
He shrugged, “I suppose if you avoid the problem, you can't make bad decisions.”  
  
“Really?” She sighed, “You’re going to throw that in my face? I'm over here to apologize, so there's no need to be an ass.”   
  
“Sorry,” his expression softened, “but I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt.”  
  
“I really didn't mean it to sound that way,” she said.  
  
“Okay.” She was trying, he decided, so he could try too. He turned towards her, and was pleasantly surprised when she copied his movements.   
  
“I really am sorry,” she said again.  
  
“Having you back,” he said, “at first, I thought it would make me miserable, because you were so adamant that I stay away. But, then something strange happened...”  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“The more I tried to stay away, the more we crossed paths. Then, at one point, you actually started talking to me, and I thought that maybe, we could at least be friends again and get to the point where we actually enjoyed each other's company.”  
  
“But I'm making that difficult,” she offered, knowing it was the truth.   
  
“Maybe just a little,” he teased.   
  
“I meant what I said. It's hard being around you. But...it doesn't mean I hate you or don't care about you,” she felt a lump forming in her throat and knew the tears were well on their way, “I care about you a lot, and I hurt you really bad, and then, you told me you were still in love with me, and I don't deserve that. I don't even deserve a chance at having you as a friend, because I'm a terrible person.”  
  
“You don't really believe that, do you?” He asked. A few tears fell as she nodded. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he was afraid she might run again. “Please don't think like that,” he begged.   
  
“I can’t help it,” she sobbed, burying her face in her hands. Whatever she said after that was so low and muffled, he couldn't understand it over the loud music.   
  
Killian knew how much she hated being stared at, how much being the center of attention bothered her. Right now, she was beginning to attract a decent sized audience. Why was everyone in this town so damned nosy? “Hey,” he said, as he cautiously put a hand on her shoulder, “why don't we go outside for a few minutes?”  
  
She looked up at him and nodded, tears still falling. “Come on,” he stood up and helped her off her bar stool. He saw her look around, and then make a face and he knew she'd noticed those who were staring. “Don't pay attention to them,” he said, placing his hand at her back, “the door is only a few feet away.” He led her outside, noting very few people out there, all occupied with their own agendas. “Alright,” he said, once they were out of earshot, “no audience.”  
  
Emma looked up at him and gave him a tiny smile, but she was still crying. “Thank you.”  
  
“That bar was getting rather stuffy,” he reasoned.   
  
“Well, well, well...”  
  
Killian groaned and instinctively pulled Emma into his arms, counting it as a small victory when she didn't push him away. “Ignore that idiot,” he whispered, earning him a quiet giggle from her. He refused to look at Neal, refused to let him know Emma was upset, and had been crying. All he wanted to do was get the guy to leave without causing a scene.  
  
“You _did_ run back into his arms,” Neal continued, “maybe he is dumber than I thought.”  
  
“What do you want?” Killian asked, “didn't I tell you to bugger off the other day?”  
  
“Free country,” Neal said, “I wanted a drink. I don't need your permission.”  
  
“Then go get a drink,” Killian told him.   
  
“Tell me,” Neal stepped into Killian's line of sight, “if she's so content to run back to you, why is she always crying?”  
  
Emma pushed away from Killian and turned around, not even caring that she was a complete mess. He gently took hold of her wrist just in case she decided to get violent. “If you're so satisfied with your new whore, why are you back in town? Better yet, why isn't she with you? Not good enough to meet your daddy? He may have hated me, but I know for damn sure she isn't going to win his approval either.”  
  
“As a matter of fact, she's in New York. Waiting for me and dad to return so we can have a real wedding.” Neal said.  
  
“Maybe your father could stay there with you,” Killian suggested, “I'm sure once the town is rid of him for a few days, they'll realize they don't want him back.”  
  
“Oh, I'm sure he'll want to stay,” Neal nodded, “but not because he wants to do _you_ any favors. He'll want to be around his grandkids.” Emma stepped back a bit, and even though Killian couldn’t see her face, he could tell by Neal’s expression that she understood _exactly_ what the guy was insinuating. “That's right, Tamara's giving me everything you never could, Emma.”   
  
_Shit._ Killian frowned as he felt Emma tense up. “I sure hope you know how to run,” Killian warned.   
  
“Why's that?” Neal laughed.  
  
“Because I can't hold her back forever,” Killian grinned, “and believe me, mate, I'm not even trying.”  
  
“She's not dumb enough to attack me again,” he taunted.  
  
“He's not even worth it,” Emma stated, doing her best to relax, even though she only wanted to do two things; burst into tears, and give Neal a nice, broken nose as a wedding present.  
  
“Swan,” Killian whispered, “let's go. Before one of us does something we regret.” he knew for a fact Neal wouldn't throw the first punch, and if the asshole insisted on continuing, Killian _would_.  
  
“Oh, I wouldn't regret it,” she muttered, but followed when he pulled her away. They went back into the club and found their group had returned to a table.   
  
Ruby, Mary Margaret and Regina stood when they saw Emma. “I'm fine, I'm fine,” she waved them off, fully aware she probably looked like a mess, but really not wanting anyone to draw any more attention to that fact.   
  
“No,” Ruby said as the three of them surrounded Emma, “You're not. What happened?”   
  
“Neal happened,” Killian said as Ruby pulled her away and into a hug.   
  
“Come on,” Mary Margaret said, “let's get you all cleaned up.”  
  
“I’m fine,” Emma insisted, her voice sounding a bit on edge. “I just want to sit down.” She wanted everyone to just get away from her right now.   
  
“Hey,” Killian said, “don't crowd her.” She was struggling, he could tell, and the girls weren't giving her any breathing room. “Don't crowd her!” He shouted as he started pushing the girls away.   
  
“Knock it off!” Regina scolded him.  
  
“Leave her alone!” Killian exclaimed, “You’re not helping her by smothering her!”  
  
“Home.” Emma said, “I want to go home.”  
  
“Just sit down,” Mary Margaret said, “You’ll be okay in a minute.”  
  
“No.” She was past wanting to sit down. Emma only wanted to go home and crawl into bed.  
  
“Swan,” Killian pulled her away and sat her down, earning dirty looks from all the girls. “Just sit a moment and breathe, we'll get you home.” He looked at Mary Margaret, “did she drive?”  
  
“She came with us,” Mary Margaret answered.   
  
“Jesus Christ,” David swore, and Killian looked over to see what the commotion was about. Neal not only came into the club, he was headed straight for their group.   
  
“He’s got balls,” Robin stated, “I'll give him that.”  
  
“He hasn't got any of those,” Killian growled.   
  
“So,” Neal frowned, “You just walk away when I'm talking to you?”  
  
“Excuse me?” Killian laughed, “that conversation was over, and if you were a smart man, you wouldn't have come in here looking for more trouble.”  
  
“If _you_ were a smart man, you wouldn't be wasting your time on damaged goods.” Neal shot back.   
  
“How about, instead of insulting the lady in an attempt to get a rise out of me, you grow a pair and throw the first punch?” Killian was done with this game. The sooner Neal left town, the better.   
  
“Enough!” David stood up. Even off duty, he couldn't allow a brawl to break out, no matter how much he wanted someone to beat the crap out of the guy. “Neal, you need to leave.”  
  
“You can't make me,” Neal protested.   
  
“I’m the sheriff,” David reminded him, “and that means I can. You're here to start trouble and I can't have that. So, you have two choices, you can leave willingly, or I can escort you out.”  
  
“What about your buddy?” Neal asked “He's egging me on! How about being fair and impartial?”  
  
“Relax, Dave,” Killian said, not wanting to cause any problems for his friend, “I'll leave too.”   
  
Emma looked up at him, “can I get a lift?”  
  
“Of course,” he nodded. He'd actually hoped one of the girls would take her home, but since she asked, he couldn't deny her.   
  
Neal stood still, as if he wasn't about to leave, but when Killian and Emma started making their way to the door, David made sure Neal was shown the way too.  
  
Killian watched his friend keep Neal occupied for a few moments as he and Emma got into the car and took off. “He's making sure the bastard doesn't follow us,” Killian said when he realized what was going on.  
  
“Doesn’t matter,” Emma mumbled, “he knows where David and Mary Margaret live, and I'm sure he's figured out I'm staying there.”  
  
“I won't let him bother you,” he said, “and don't take any of his words to heart. He hasn't a clue what he's talking about.”  
  
“Thank you,” she said quietly, and for the first time since she'd come back to town, she actually started to believe that she would be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma is happy, and everyone is suspicious.

_Emma was quiet after they took the baby away, and Killian didn't know what to do to comfort her. One of the nurses had been sweet enough to put a little box together, filled with footprints, hospital bracelets and various other mementos she could get her hands on._

_"I don't understand,” Emma practically whispered when she finally spoke, “she was just kicking around yesterday.”_

_Killian still couldn't bring himself to say anything, the tears had stopped, mostly because he figured he'd cried them all out, but the lump in his throat was still too painful. Talking was practically impossible._

_“What did I do wrong?” She started crying again._

_Killian wrapped his arms around her and did the only thing he could; hold her as she cried._

*****  
Emma woke up and realized she had fallen asleep on the couch, Killian beneath her, one of his arms draped around her. The television was on, but almost silent.

“Hey,” she heard him whisper, “it's barely midnight, go back to sleep.”

She started to doze again as he brushed his fingers up and down her back. The night had been so chaotic, that after they left, she felt like she was in a fog. It took her a few moments to remember he said he wouldn't let Neal bother her again, and a few more after that to remember that she'd asked him to stay until her friends returned home.

“Do you have any plans on Friday?” He asked. It was fairly out of the blue, bringing her back out of her daze.

“No...” She said quietly, wondering if he even remembered what was coming up that next week, “are you...asking me out on a date...” She didn't want to finish the thought, because he couldn't be that insensitive, could he?

“On our daughter's birthday?” He finished for her, “of course not. It's just...I usually do a little something every year for her. I thought that, maybe, since you're here, we could do it together.”

“I usually get a cupcake and a candle,” Emma said.

“Me too,” he said, barely above a whisper, like he couldn't believe they'd been doing the same thing all these years without even knowing it. “Look, I've got class and practice, but our game is on Saturday, so after practice, I'm free. Why don't we go out during my lunch and pick up some cupcakes, and then I'll come get you after school?”

“I'd like that,” she said.

***

“Someone's in a good mood this morning,” Mary Margaret eyed Emma, who was already at the table, eating breakfast.

“I'm probably the only one who isn't hung over,” she grinned. After casting a glance to the clock, she laughed, “how are you even up this early?”

“What happened?” Mary Margaret was completely suspicious now. It was suspicious enough when she came home and found her two friends cuddled up on the couch, and even more suspicious when Emma just went up to bed after Killian left, neither uttering a word to anyone, but now, she was sitting here, happy go lucky and eating breakfast. That just wasn't Emma, who was content to hide in her room and sleep until noon when she didn't have to work.

“Nothing happened,” Emma insisted, “I'm eating breakfast.”

“I meant last night.”

“You know what happened last night, you were there.” Emma rolled her eyes, not wanting to remember their encounter with Neal.

“Here!” Mary Margaret was visibly frustrated now, “Geez Emma, you just love messing with me don't you?”

She laughed, realizing what her normally shy friend was getting at, “come out and say it,” she teased.

“Did you...” Her friend sighed, “you know...”

“Sleep together?” Emma raised an eyebrow, “damn, we're almost thirty, you're not going to get your mouth washed out with soap. Did we? I guess technically, we fell asleep on the same couch. But in the way you're implying? No. He just hung out until you guys got back.”

“So you guys are, what... Friends?”

“I don't know,” Emma shrugged, “maybe. Can we keep all interrogations to a minimum, please?”

Mary Margaret frowned, her disapproval apparent. “Friends are supposed to talk about stuff like this,” she said.

“We just talked,” Emma sighed, “you asked if anything happened, I said no, and that's that.”

Mary Margaret grumbled something, but dropped it after that.

***

“Morning, sunshine!” Ruby greeted Emma on Monday. “How was the remainder of your weekend?”

“Nothing major,” Emma said as she sat down. “Just the usual today. David needs his coffee.”

“Someone came by a little earlier,” she said, “made sure to put hot chocolate and a bagel on their tab.”

“Okay?” Emma wasn't sure where she was going with this one.

“For you, silly.” Ruby grabbed a bagel and popped it in the toaster before getting the hot chocolate started.

“Really?” She knew who it was, what she didn't know was why. Emma hadn't seen Killian at all the rest of the weekend, not that she was avoiding him, not this time. It seemed the second she stopped disliking the idea of running into him, he was nowhere to be found.

“Yeah,” Ruby grinned, “guess Friday wasn't so bad after all.”

“Not you too,” Emma groaned, “nothing happened.”

“I know, I know,” she rolled her eyes, “he gave me the same story. But, he was still making sure you got your breakfast this morning, wasn't he?”

Emma blushed as Ruby set the hot chocolate and bagel in front of her, wondering what the heck got into Killian. “Hey,” she said, “what time does school get out these days?”

“Two thirty. They opted for some early hours a couple years ago,” Ruby said, continuing to put together David's breakfast and coffee, “but baseball practice usually finishes about four.”

“I didn't ask about that,” Emma said.

“No, but I read between the lines,” Ruby winked.

“Whatever,” Emma laughed.

The bells jingled, signaling another customer, and Emma could tell by Ruby's expression, that it wasn't a pleasant one.

“Ruby,” Neal said, “Emma.”

“Neal,” Ruby nodded in his general direction. Emma didn't acknowledge him at all.

He sat down next to Emma, who still refused to pay any attention to him. Whatever his game was today, she wasn't playing.

“Did you need something?” Ruby asked, “or are you just here to cause problems?”

“Just needed a couple coffees to go,” he said. Ruby went to refill the coffee pot, but kept her eyes on the man. “Hey, Ems?” He asked, “can we talk?”

“Nope,” Emma didn't even bother to look at him, and she did her best to keep a straight face, but was pretty sure she smirked at the idea that he was suddenly trying to play nice with her.

“I'm sorry,” he started, “I shouldn't have said all those horrible things-”

“I said no,” Emma reminded him, “Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it, and I don't really care if you mean it or not.” She glanced at Ruby, who looked as if she was sending a mental high-five her way. The brunette returned with Emma's order, giving Neal a dirty look as she placed the bag down. “David said he'd be in later to cover it,” Emma told her as she finished the last of her hot chocolate and collected David's breakfast.

“Sounds good,” Ruby stated. She looked over at Neal again, “New pot is brewing, it'll be a few minutes.” The simple phrase sounded as if it were a death threat coming from her, tone harsh, and words clipped and forced. Emma wasn't looking, but out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw the man wince.

“See you around, Ruby,” she said as she got up and made her way towards the door.

“Tamara dumped me,” Neal blurted out.

Emma didn't even turn around, “I'd like to say I'm sorry, but I really can't find it in me to feel bad for you,” she said as she left the diner. To say she felt like a million bucks would be an understatement. For a Monday, things were looking pretty good. She walked the short distance to the Sheriff's station, and once there, she gave David his breakfast. He seemed eternally grateful for the coffee.

“Ruby is going to kill me with all this delicious food,” he said, “but I can't resist.”

“Thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be the sheriff,” Emma teased.

“That's what deputies are for,” David remarked, “that's why they're on patrol and I'm waiting here for coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Didn't you get anything this morning? Usually you've got half a bagel in your mouth and a hot chocolate ready to go.”

“I ate at the diner while Ruby fixed your stuff up,” she said, “ran into Neal too.”

“Oh really?” David frowned, knowing that was the last thing anyone wanted.

“I guess his girlfriend dumped him,” she said, a big smile on her face, “and get this, the idiot tried to apologize to me.”

“Tried?”

“I told him I didn't want to hear it,” she shrugged, “he's only apologizing because he's desperate.”

David looked at her for a moment, and she figured it was probably because he was trying to decide if she had been crying or not. “And you're alright?”

“I'm fine,” she said, “After Friday, I decided it was stupid to let him get to me. Besides, it seems to really bug him when I pretend he doesn't exist. I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me happy.”

With a laugh, David shook his head, “just be careful. We already know the guy has a temper.”

“But no balls,” Emma reminded him, “He may continue his stupid vandalism and taunting, but he's not going to do anything risky enough to land him in jail. Unless you _catch_ him screwing with Killian's car.”

“It just so happens,” David grinned, “I have a guy doing the rounds around the high school. If he tries something, we'll catch him.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma crosses a bridge, and even though she's still not sure about Killian's confession, she's definitely enjoying their new-found friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks again for all the kudos and reviews. I really appreciate it! I don't know why I always start these little stories and then wind up with some huge multi-chapter fic, but alas, here we are!

Emma took a deep breath, hoping that she wasn't doing something too ridiculous. After a few moments of a silent pep talk, she grabbed the bag she'd gotten from Granny's and opened her car door. It was close to four, and she could see the kids down on the diamond, Killian looking like he wanted to rip his hair out. With a quiet laugh, she remembered watching his coach doing the same exact thing a million times as he ran the boys ragged through practice.  
  
“Hayes!” she heard him shout as she got closer, “watch the ball and not the ladies!” A few giggles from the bleachers rang out and she was pretty sure the little flirts were about ten seconds from getting kicked out. She quickly made her way to the bleachers and sat down, as far away from the hormone addled teens as possible.  
  
“Hey!” one of the boys shouted, “Who's the blonde?”  
  
Emma giggled as Killian shouted, “that's it!” He spun around and looked right at the girls who were waving at the boys, “Out.” With a raised eyebrow, he noticed there was definitely _not_ a blonde in the group.  
  
“Me too?” Emma asked innocently.  
  
His eyes went to the end of the bleachers, where she'd found her seat, “ah,” he smiled, “the blonde.”  
  
“Who's that, coach?” a kid asked, “how come she gets to stay?”  
  
“She's not distracting the players,” he said.  
  
“She's distracting the coach!”  
  
Emma couldn't contain her laughter now, “That _does_ make you kind of a hypocrite,” she informed him.  
  
Killian glanced at his watch, groaning when he realized he had far too much time left for practice. “Does that mean our girls can stay too?” The pitcher begged.  
  
“Fine,” he grumbled, “but no more bloody distractions!”  
  
“You sound like Coach Boyd,” Emma teased. He rolled his eyes, but the grin he flashed her let her know he wasn't annoyed in the slightest.  
  
The sight took her back. The girls in the bleachers, distracting the players, the coach growling out instructions and trying to get his boys to concentrate...not much had changed in the years since she'd left high school. Once practice was over and done with, Killian sent the boys away, laughing when the girls ran after them, and then walked up to the fence separating the diamond from the bleachers, “Swan,” he smirked, “you make baseball difficult. To what do I owe the pleasure?”  
  
“I brought sandwiches,” she smiled as she held up the bag of food, “thought since you got breakfast, the least I could do was bring you dinner...or a very late lunch, however you want to look at it.”  
  
Killian didn't hesitate to slip through the dugout and head towards the bleachers, taking a seat next to Emma, “You didn't have to do that,” he said, “but I appreciate it.”  
  
“Hungry?” She handed him the bag.  
  
“Famished,” he nodded, “skipped lunch on accident.”  
  
“Dammit,” she frowned, “I left the drinks in the car. Hold on a minute.” She hopped up and ran back to her car, returning with two large sodas. “You still like Mountain Dew, right?”  
  
“Of course,” he grinned.  
  
Once they were situated, Emma spoke again, “I was hoping you didn't think I was avoiding you this weekend.”  
  
“That was my fault,” he admitted, “apologies. I was stuck at home finishing up some homework and grading papers.”  
  
“Homework?” She asked.  
  
“Working on my Master's,” he said, “figured I had the time, so why not? So, what did I miss this weekend?”  
  
“Nothing really,” she shrugged, “I _did_ manage to get interrogated by Mary Margaret and Ruby though.”  
  
He laughed, “Ruby questioned me as well. I take it Neal hasn't bothered you? You seem to be in quite the good mood today.”  
  
“I _am_ in a good mood,” she smiled, “but that doesn't mean I was able to avoid the jackass.” She told Killian about her encounter at the diner, and how Neal had been strangely polite to her and Ruby. The new disposition bothered her just as much as his reaction to her indifference delighted her. “It might be nothing, but, I'm hoping he took the hint when I told him I didn't care earlier.”  
  
“He didn't seem to take the hint when he was taunting you,” Killian said, “be careful. We already know he's not well, and now, he likely feels as if he's got nothing to lose.”  
  
***  
  
The rest of the week went pretty much the same way, he'd buy her breakfast, and she'd show up with dinner. Considering the fact that only a few short weeks ago, the sight of him had her in tears, they both decided that this was a good thing. His words still hung in the air though, the fact that he still loved her. The more time she spent time with him, the more she realized that he was in love with much more than a memory, and that maybe, she was too.  
  
That scared her just a little bit.  
  
By Friday, their routine had been fairly set, so when she showed up at the diner and saw him sitting there, it threw her off for a moment.  
  
“Good morning,” she said, taking a seat next to him, “I'm kind of surprised to see you here.”  
  
“I’ve only got a few moments,” he said, “but I figured since you spend dinner with me, the least I could do was actually enjoy your company for breakfast.”  
  
“Sounds like a plan,” she said, trying to curb the butterflies in her stomach. Wait. When the hell did that start happening again?  
  
“So,” he sat a little closer, trying to ignore Ruby's smirk as she served their food, “if you want to meet me up at the office for lunch, we can stop by the bakery.”  
  
“Okay.” God, she just wanted to kiss him. Wait. Again? What the hell?  
  
“I’m cutting off practice a little early today, because I don't want the boys tired tomorrow. It's a fairly early game,” he thought a moment, “for a Saturday…if you're a teenage boy.”  
  
“Let me guess,” she giggled, “noon?”  
  
“Ten,” he chuckled, “you wanna come?”  
  
“Yeah,” she nodded.  
  
“Alright then,” he seemed to enjoy the idea of having her at the game, “I take lunch at eleven, just stop by the front office. Unfortunately, I have to get to school now.”  
  
“Catch you later then,” she said.  
  
After he left, Ruby walked up to her, setting David's breakfast on the counter. “Spill the beans, sister,” she demanded, “What is going on with you two?”  
  
“Nothing,” Emma said, though by the way she was blushing, Ruby knew something was up.  
  
“Nothing,” Ruby nodded, “because nothing spends an entire week treating people to breakfasts and dinners.”  
  
“Come on,” Emma sighed, “it's called being friendly.” She finished her hot chocolate and grabbed David's food.  
  
“Some call it flirting!” Ruby called after her as she left the diner.  
  
***  
  
After lunch, they decided Killian would just swing by the station and pick her up. As she waited for him to arrive, she began fidgeting with whatever was within grasp.  
  
“Relax,” David scolded, “you're making me a nervous wreck.”  
  
“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes, trying to pretend she wasn't having a complete freak out moment. She wasn't sure what her problem was really. It was Killian, and they were getting along, and they were just having a memorial for their daughter. At his house. Alone. With a frown, she twisted the phone cord in her fingers, knotting it up to the point where she knew David would gripe about untangling it.  
  
“Swan?” Emma practically jumped out of her seat when he spoke. When the hell did he arrive? “Are you alright, love?”  
  
“Yeah,” she gave him a small smile, “just spaced out.”  
  
“I didn't mean to startle you,” he said, “you ready?” She nodded, grabbed her bag and then said goodbye to David, who she noticed was eyeballing the phone cord.  
  
The drive to his house was made in silence, neither sure what to say. When they got there, he started talking again, as if trying to cancel out the awkwardness with small talk. “I can order us a pizza if you're hungry,” he suggested, “or I'm sure I've got something to eat in this house. I guess I didn't really think that part through...”  
  
“I guess that's my fault,” she joked, “I'm usually the one bringing dinner. It's still a little early though.”  
  
Killian led her into the kitchen and put the box from the bakery on the island counter, “it is fairly early for dinner,” he agreed, “perhaps we can just load up on chocolate and then watch a movie?”  
  
“Well, that sounds like a plan,” she grinned.  
  
“Alright then,” he said, “grab the cupcakes and I'll get the candles. I have milk too, we all know chocolate is never any good without milk.”  
  
“Okay,” she tried not to laugh when she realized he was babbling because he was just as nervous as she was. She set the cupcakes on the counter as he rummaged around in a drawer, mutter something about “bloody candles” and “they were just there last week”.  
  
“You alright there?” She asked, “need any help?”  
  
“Maybe you could grab the glasses while I figure out where my scattered brain threw the candles?” He asked, gesturing towards the cupboard where he kept the dishes.  
  
“Sure,” she said, grabbing the glasses as he found what he was looking for.  
  
“Alright,” he tossed the candles and a lighter on the counter, then grabbed the milk from the fridge. “Besides the fact that we both do this cupcake thing, is there anything else you like to do? I mean, I usually pay a visit to the cemetery, but I did that early this morning.”  
  
“I tried,” she said, “this afternoon...but I couldn't.” She still couldn't figure out how it was so easy for him, and why she couldn't just bring herself to visit her own daughter, “a good mom would be able to do that...” She tried hard not to cry, but the more she thought about it, the more difficult it was.  
  
“That’s not true,” Killian went to her and pulled her into a hug, “we all grieve in our own way. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”  
  
“Kay,” she whispered.  
  
“The biggest thing is that we remember her,” he said, “and I think we've both been doing a good job when it comes to that.”  
  
Emma nodded as he let her go. “Thank you,” she told him.  
  
He smiled at her and brushed a couple stray tears from her cheeks. Eleven years, and it was still an open wound for both of them, but being here with her, somehow made it less painful than when he did everything by himself. “Shall we get these candles going?” He pulled two candles out and stuck one in each cupcake and lit them. “To Amelia,” he said, holding his cupcake up.  
  
“To Amelia,” Emma held her cake up too, “don't forget to make a wish.”  
  
“Who am I to mess with tradition?” He teased.  
  
They blew out the candles and took them out of the cakes so they could eat. “What kind did you get?” She asked after she'd tasted hers. The baker here was much better than the one at that little shop in New York that she'd found.  
  
“Chocolate,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “milk?”  
  
“Yeah,” she laughed as he poured some into the glasses.  
  
“What about you?” He asked, “It looks like you've got chocolate too.”  
  
“With cream cheese frosting in the middle,” she said.  
  
“Bloody hell,” he frowned at his cupcake, “trade me!”  
  
“Absolutely not!” She protested, “It’s not my fault you picked a boring cupcake!”  
  
“Can I at least try it?” He held out his cupcake, “you can try mine.”  
  
“Alright,” she said, trading cupcakes with him.  
  
After he'd taken one bite, he grinned, “you know you aren't getting this back, right?”  
  
“Hey!” She grabbed for it, but he pulled it just out of her reach. “That’s just plain wrong,” she scolded.  
  
“How about I get a movie started?” He asked.  
  
“After I get my cupcake back,” she answered.  
  
“You drive a hard bargain, but alright,” he held her cupcake out for her and she traded with him again, watching to make sure he didn't try and double cross her. “Thank you,” he said, “for doing this with me.”  
  
“Thank you for inviting me.” She set her cupcake down and stepped closer to him, putting her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest, “it's still hard,” she said softly, “but it's easier with you.” Why hadn't she realized that years ago? This was the first time she hadn't broken down into a mess of ugly tears and heavy sobs. She felt him wrap his arms around her and kiss the top of her head. As scared as she was to really open up, this felt right. Like she was meant to be here all along.  
  
“You alright?” He asked.  
  
“Yeah,” she looked up at him, tears in her eyes, but still smiling. He leaned down and kissed her, and she didn't protest. It was short, and sweet, like he didn't want to push her too far. When he pulled away to go start the movie, she immediately missed being in his arms. She grabbed their cupcakes, both forgotten on the counter, and followed him into his living room.  
  
“What do you want to watch?” He asked, turning on the television, and then his game machine so he could pull up Netflix.  
  
“Let’s watch Pirates,” she said, “I always imagined her liking your kind of movies.”  
  
He grinned, “Maybe my movies, love, but you were always the one hell-bent on getting me into trouble. I think we both know who the real pirate is around here.”  
  
“Are you still mad that you got caught cutting class?” She teased, sitting next to him and putting the cupcakes on the coffee table, “because we wouldn't have gotten caught if you hadn't been so paranoid.”  
  
“Details, details,” he sighed as he started the movie. They both sat in awkward silence again, and Killian was beginning to wonder if she was considering this another bad decision. When she leaned into him, he let out a little sigh of relief and put his arm around her.  
  
They watched the movie, mostly in silence, but laughing and discussing it from time to time. When the movie was halfway over, it was still early, but she noticed Killian had started to doze off. She looked up at him and couldn't help but think about how patient he'd been since her return. How patient he'd _always_ been with her. He was kind when she was cruel, and open even though she still closed herself off and kept him at arm’s length. “Killian?” She whispered.  
  
“Hmmm?” He didn't open his eyes, and she wondered if he was really hearing her, or if he was just acknowledging her in whatever dream he was having.  
  
“I think I’m still in love with you too.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of fluff...because believe me...the angst isn't over, and I'm sorry.

Killian waited a few moments before opening his eyes, wondering if he'd heard right, or if he'd only been dreaming. His Swan still loved him? She had said she cared about him, but this...this was so much more than that. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked at her. She was looking up at him, as if she was terrified of what he might say. “Emma?”  
  
“Did I wake you?” She asked nervously.  
  
“I don't think so,” he said cautiously. Emma was never one to be overly vocal about her feelings, so if she did say something while he was half asleep, getting her to repeat it while he was fully awake would be impossible.  
  
“Oh,” she turned her attention back to the movie.  
  
Silence washed over them again, and Killian wasn't sure if he was confused or frustrated. Maybe it was a little of both. “Are you alright?” He asked.  
  
“Yeah,” she said, her voice quiet, and a bit shaky.  
  
She definitely wasn't going to repeat herself.  
  
At this point, he knew trying to coax the words out of her again would only scare her, and she'd retreat behind the walls she'd put up. Changing the subject completely could go either way, and he wasn't sure it was a good option. She'd either go with it, and pretend nothing had happened, or she'd get upset that he didn't acknowledge her statement.  
  
Just when he thought they were at a stalemate, she looked up at him again. Neither said a word for a moment, and it was beginning to make him just a little bit nervous. “Why did you kiss me again?” She finally asked. “Especially after I overreacted the last time...” She blushed and looked down, fingers fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt. He wanted to laugh, because she really hadn't changed all that much when it came to her nervous habits, but decided against it.  
  
“I wanted to,” he said, “and it kind of seemed like that's what you wanted, and I figured if it wasn't, you'd yell at me.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“You really are one for words tonight,” he teased, trying to get something out of her.  
  
“Why did you stay?” She asked, “When you realized I wasn't here?”  
  
“At first, I thought you might come back,” he admitted, “then, I was so busy with school that I didn't really think to leave. By the time it dawned on me, I'd already built a pretty good life here.”  
  
“You're happy here? What about-”  
  
“Baseball?” He laughed, knowing exactly where she was going with this, “I discovered something after I'd moved back and started helping Coach with the team.”  
  
“What’s that?” She asked.  
  
“I enjoy coaching so much more than I've ever enjoyed playing. So yes, I've been quite happy here. I'm even happier now that you're here, and that we aren't spending our days shouting at each other.”  
  
“I like this a hell of a lot better than arguing with you,” she said.  
  
Killian grabbed her hand so she'd stop playing with the damned button. “Me too,” he said, realizing that was probably the closest he'd get to her repeating her earlier confession.  
  
Still, she didn't pull away, in fact, she seemed to cuddle closer to him, lacing her fingers with his.  
  
He wasn't going to push her. Over the past week, they'd made huge strides in their friendship, and now, it looked like she felt as he did. There was still the matter of her fears, and her need to hide, but right now, he was certain he hadn't dreamt it when she said she thought she might be in love with him. He'd let her take the lead on this one. After all, he'd waited over a decade, a little longer wasn't going to hurt.  
  
***  
“Shit.”  
  
It took Killian a few seconds to process what was going on. Who the hell was in his living room...wait. Why was _he_ in his living room?  
  
“Swan?” He opened his eyes and the first thing he noticed was it was morning, the second thing he noticed was that Emma was scrolling through her phone and frowning.  
  
“Sorry,” she said, “didn't mean to wake you up. I guess we fell asleep.”  
  
“What time is it?” He asked.  
  
“Little after seven,” she answered, “David and Mary Margaret have called me a hundred times. Each.”  
  
“Did you let them know you were alright?” Killian watched her as she continued to mess with her phone.  
  
“Just shot David a text,” she looked up at him, “you don't think you could give me a lift home, do you? I didn't exactly come prepared for a sleepover, and I want to be semi-presentable at the game today.”  
  
“Just let me grab my keys,” he slowly got up off the couch, cursing himself for falling asleep in such an awkward position.  
  
“I'm never going to hear the end of this,” she sighed, a slight blush staining her cheeks.  
  
“No worries,” he laughed, “no matter what you say or don't say, they'll draw their own conclusions.”  
  
“I meant it, you know,” she stood up next to him, taking his hand in hers, “what I said last night.”  
  
So he hadn't imagined it.  
  
“I just...don't know if I can do this without screwing it up.”  
  
“One day at a time,” he told her, placing a quick kiss on her forehead.  
  
“Really?” Their eyes locked, and he knew she wasn't just questioning whether or not she could do this, she was questioning whether or not _he_ wanted to do this.  
  
“Really,” he nodded, “This is a beginning,” he told her, “and I want it. If you want it too, know that I'm all in.” She smiled, and before he could say another word, her lips were on his.  
  
It took every ounce of willpower to keep him from scooping her up and carrying her to the bedroom. When she pulled away, he smiled at her, and reminded himself that he was going to let her lead. “Maybe we can carpool to the game?” She suggested.  
  
“Maybe,” he mused, “maybe you can just wear those jeans again and borrow one of my shirts so we can get another hour of sleep?” Even though he’d _like_ to have her stay, he figured that wasn’t going to happen today.  
  
“That depends on whether or not you have a spare toothbrush.”  
  
Well, that was the last answer he expected. “It just so happens, I do. And I don't use that soap you used to complain about anymore. I switched brands a few years ago.” In all actuality, the second she complained, he’d dumped everything and went through stores for weeks looking for something she’d like.  
  
“Well then,” she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, “I guess I'm staying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate waking up after crashing on the couch. The soreness seems to get worse as you get older. What happened to the girl who could fall asleep anywhere with no consequences?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's friends interrogate her, Killian remembers a time when he used baseball to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One hour left here on the West Coast!
> 
> P.S. Don't let this deceive you, I am not a Padres fan, I just happen to have a dream that involves that particular park. In all honesty, baseball is fun, but Hockey is my passion. GO DUCKS!

The last thing Emma expected was to find the whole damn town at the game. Well, maybe not the _whole_ town. Thankfully, a couple people she didn’t care to see were noticeably absent.  
  
Killian seemed off when they first arrived, like he wasn't sure how to act with her in public, and just before they reached the diamond, she grabbed his arm and stopped him.  
  
“Emma,” he was in a rush, and she knew it, but she couldn't just have him acting awkward around her. “I have to get these guys through warm ups.” They were running a little late, her need to go through every shirt he owned in an attempt to find something that couldn't double as a dress had held them back, but she figured he could spare a couple more minutes.  
  
“I know what you're doing,” she said, “I know half the town is out there, and I know you don't want to scare me off, but I'm not going to freak out if you touch me. I mean, I've never been one of those make out in public types, but I'll let you know if something's too much.”  
  
“Alright,” he grinned, taking her by the hand, “am I right in assuming hand holding is okay?”  
  
“ _Very_ okay,” she blushed, letting him lead her down to the diamond. Once there, they went their separate ways, but not before he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. _Yeah_ , she decided, _that was okay too_.  
  
Emma found her friends, sitting in the spot they'd always occupied as teens. “Saved you a seat, Ems!” Ruby shouted.  
  
“What the hell are you guys doing here?” She asked as she sat down between Ruby and Regina.  
  
“We all try to get to a couple games a season,” Mary Margaret said, “Saturday ones are the easiest for all of us.”  
  
“Where are the guys?” Emma looked around, but didn't see any of her friend's male counterparts.  
  
“Getting food,” Regina answered, “now, can we stop making small talk and get to what we really want to know? Explain your wardrobe choice.”  
  
Emma looked at her -Killian's- shirt, and tried to keep from blushing any more than she already had today. With a shrug, she gave the most nonchalant answer she could come up with, “The Padres aren't all that bad.”  
  
“She slept over at Killian's,” Mary Margaret supplied the answer they were all looking for. Emma glanced over at her normally soft spoken friend, wondering where the hell that came from. “What? David and I were worried as hell!”  
  
“I said I was sorry,” Emma apologized again. She’d been sending apologies practically all morning. “It was an accident. You know I would have called you if I had actually planned on staying.”  
  
“I know,” Mary Margaret grinned, “but that doesn't mean I can't make you squirm a little.”  
  
“Did you do it?”  
  
 _Why the hell was that always Ruby's first question?_  
  
It had been completely innocent, staying over, and then, catching that extra hour in the morning. Though, they didn't do much sleeping during that hour. After half of it had gone by, she realized that despite falling asleep on the couch, she'd actually slept quite well. So, instead, they got up and started breakfast, then went about getting ready for the day.  
  
If she was being completely honest, part of her wanted more time before the game. She wasn't ready to share him again just yet.  
  
“We did not,” Emma told her friend, “don't you have a man? Are you getting enough? Because it really seems like you're trying to live vicariously through everyone else.”  
  
“Oh,” Ruby scoffed, “I'm plenty satisfied. I'm just concerned about you. You're finally running around with Killian again, and we all know what a fine specimen of human being he is, so we all want you to get laid.”  
  
“For the record, I never said that,” Mary Margaret excused herself from the accusation.  
  
“Well,” Regina cut in, “I did. Just because it took you forever and a day to round the bases when you were teens, doesn't mean you have to take an eternity this time around.”  
  
Oh the perks of dating baseball players, where even the girlfriends used game analogies.  
  
Despite her friends practically egging her on, Emma was in no rush to jump into bed. They may have spent almost their entire childhood and teen years together, but this was still too new, and she was in no hurry.

“Guys,” Mary Margaret cut in again, “the third degree isn’t really the best thing for her right now. I know we’re all having a laugh with the teasing, but this is a bit too far.”

Emma silently thanked her. Teasing, she could deal with, but this really was too much, especially when she still wasn’t even sure what exactly was going on.  
  
“Hello ladies!” Robin's overly cheerful voice called out as he, David and Victor joined them.  
  
“Did you get a soda for Emma?” Mary Margaret asked David.  
  
“Of course,” he handed Emma a drink and a hot dog, “It's baseball, no matter how early the game, you have to have a hot dog.”  
  
“That’s what _I_ said!” Ruby exclaimed. Emma shot her a dirty look, and Regina burst into laughter.  
  
“Did we miss something?” Victor asked, “and do I want to know?”  
  
“You don't.” Mary Margaret's words were clipped, and almost had an air of maternal scolding to them.  
  
“Spoil sport,” Regina made a face at her step-sister, and then looked at Robin, “you should have seen it earlier, Emma and Killian were being cute.”  
  
“So you two finally stopped arguing?” Robin winked.  
  
“Hey,” David tried to distract them, really not wanting to know about the goings on between his cousin and friend. “Didn't we come out here to watch a game?”  
  
***  
 _“You did what?” David's voice was so loud, Killian had to pull the phone away from his ear._  
  
 _“I dropped out,” Killian said._  
  
 _“They offered you a full ride, and you dropped out. What the fuck are you thinking, Jones?”_  
  
 _“It just so happens, I didn't make this decision lightly,” he tried to explain, even though it was a complete lie. “I was given an offer I couldn't refuse.”_  
  
 _“Right,” David sighed, then went silent, fully expecting his best friend to give him an explanation that wouldn't make him want to hop on a plane to California just so he could kick Killian's ass._  
  
 _“I got picked up by one of the farm teams,” Killian stated, “for the Padres.” David's silence was deafening. He knew his friend didn't approve._  
  
 _“You had a plan,” David finally spoke again, “finish school so you can have something to fall back on if baseball doesn't work out.”_  
  
 _“I didn't call to ask for your approval,” Killian reminded him, “just thought you'd like to know.”_

_“Thanks for informing me.”_

_He really didn’t expect David to hang up after that, but that’s exactly what his friend did. Out of all their friends, he was certain David would be the one to understand, but he realized he was wrong._

_School just reminded him of her, because it was something they were supposed to do together. If he could just drown himself in baseball, well, maybe he could finally get her out of his mind._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A remorseful Neal watches a scene unfold in Granny's and realizes he shot himself in the foot. Mary Margaret talks to Emma, and a flashback to something Emma considers one of her biggest mistakes.

Neal wasn't exactly enjoying the almost empty diner, but he certainly wasn't open to welcoming a crowd either. Up until noon, the only occupants were Leroy, a waitress, and himself. Now, the door bells wouldn't stop jingling as what seemed to be the whole town came in for lunch.  
  
“Must've won,” Leroy grumbled.  
  
That was when he turned and saw them, Emma and her group of friends, all seemingly enjoying what Leroy had labeled as a “win”. What he didn't expect was seeing Killian so damn close to her. Not after he'd watched her try so hard to push him away. It was different from the night he saw them together at the bar, she wasn't crying. They were both chatting amongst friends, and she was smiling.  
  
Because of _Killian_.  
  
Neal knew he didn't have a chance in hell now. Not that he had a chance before, when he so royally fucked everything up, but with Killian being part of the equation, a snowball had a better chance in hell.  
  
Ruby slipped behind the counter, relieving the waitress from her shift and smacked her hand down in front of Neal, causing him to turn his attention away from Emma. “What'll it be?” She asked.  
  
“Just a coke,” he answered, looking back at the group who, just like in high school, didn't even know he existed. His appetite had been minimal this morning, causing him to order nothing but drinks, but now, he actually felt nauseous. All those years chasing her, hoping she'd just acknowledge him, wasted in seconds with hurtful words, an affair, and a quickie divorce.  
  
“Yeah,” Ruby set the glass in front of him, “they're back together.”  
  
“About damn time,” Leroy muttered, “I never did see what she saw in you, Gold.”  
  
“Nothing,” Neal mumbled, “she saw absolutely nothing.” His stomach twisted into knots when he saw Killian kiss Emma's temple. Then she smiled, she fucking smiled in a way she never smiled when _he_ kissed her. He may have been nothing more than a rebound to her, but he'd show her there was so much more to him than the nothing she saw. Silently, he turned back to his coke and dropped some cash on the counter. For a few moments, he sat there, draining his glass, and thinking about how he was going to fix this.  
  
“You should be celebrating with us, Ruby!” Someone called from across the diner. He wasn't sure who it was, nor did he care. Leroy muttered something in his general direction, but he ignored the town drunk and quickly abandoned his seat and the diner.  
  
***  
“I'm guessing you and Killian are more than friends now?” Mary Margaret asked once they had returned home. Emma was quick to plop herself on the couch and veg in front of the television.  
  
She shrugged, but couldn't stop a little smile from forming. Still, she had been harassed enough by Regina and Ruby, and didn't exactly want to divulge all the details. It was still new, and she didn't want to jinx it.  
  
Mary Margaret sat next to her on the couch, “this is me, not our resident gossip,” she reminded her. “Talk to me Emma, what's going on?”  
  
“Nothing,” Emma said. When her friend crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, she knew she wasn't getting out of all this that easily. “Come on, if something major happened, I'd tell you.”  
  
“I'd say Killian not leaving your side for a second is pretty major,” Mary Margaret stated, “I can tell he's really happy, and you are too. So, to say that nothing major is going on...well, it's a lie and you know it.”  
  
“He hasn't left my side since I crossed that town border,” Emma laughed, “Even when I wanted him to.”  
  
“And now, you don't?”  
  
“Does it really matter that much to you?” Emma groaned.  
  
“You're my friends,” Mary Margaret insisted, “so yes. It matters to me. Because I want you to be happy. Both of you.”  
  
“We're working on it,” she said, “That’s really all you need to know right now.”  
  
“Okay.” The brunette smiled, apparently satisfied with that answer. “I think it's sweet, you know? That you're going outside your comfort level a little.”  
  
Emma smiled as she thought about lunch at the diner. She'd told him that she would tell him if he was pushing her limits, but he was so damn happy, that she just didn't have the heart to tell him to back off a little. “You noticed?”  
  
“You may have been smiling, but I could see you were a little uncomfortable with all the attention he was giving you.”  
  
“He needed it,” Emma said, “and it wasn't like it was painful.” In all actuality, it was nice to feel so wanted for a change. Even when they were at their best, Neal never paid attention to her like that in public. He wasn't even that way in the privacy of their own home. Not that he wasn’t affectionate, he just wasn’t all that big on being _overly_ affectionate.  
  
“What are you thinking?” Mary Margaret asked.  
  
“I was just wondering...” Emma frowned, “I mean, I know now that Neal was a rebound, and that our biggest problem was I couldn't love him the way he wanted me to, but now I'm beginning to wonder if he ever loved me the way he said he did, or if I was just some sort of conquest for him. We all know he hated Killian from the start. I know their dads knew each other in school, and Killian really thinks the whole thing started over Neal’s mom.”  
  
“Yeah, but then Killian's dad left,” Mary Margaret reminded her, “he didn't come back until years later, and by that time, he was married and had a kid. I don't see how some stupid feud between them would make Neal hate Killian so much. It didn't even involve them.”  
  
Emma said, trying to recall the conversation they'd had about it, but came up empty. “Whatever the reason though, only one of them keeps the fight going.”  
  
***  
  
 _“Why the hell did you even bother?” Neal was shouting again, this being what seemed like their millionth fight this week, “it's obvious you don't love me, so why didn't you just stay in Storybrooke?”_  
  
 _“I do love you!” She shouted back, “I don't know how else I'm supposed to prove it to you!”_  
  
 _“Get over him!”_  
  
 _“Fuck you!”_  
  
 _It was always the same argument, and it happened every year around her daughter's birthday. Why the hell couldn't he see her sadness was about the child she lost and not his high school rival?_  
  
 _Running away had been a mistake, but Storybrooke had become so suffocating, that she saw no other option. Besides, she usually had fun with Neal, how could she have predicted he'd forever be jealous of a relationship that had ended years ago?_  
  
 _“Seven years, Emma,” he started up again, “it's been seven damn years and he hasn't come looking. He doesn't care about you anymore.”_  
  
 _She knew he wasn't looking, and she knew exactly where he was. Killian had returned to Storybrooke shortly after she left, and he wouldn't look for her, because he hated her._  
  
 _Mistake or not, she was determined to make this work. She owed Neal that much. “What do you want from me?”_  
  
 _“Be with me,” his expression softened, and he stopped shouting, “and I mean really be with me. Stop putting it off and marry me.”_  
  
 _He’d asked her several times, and she always found a reason to wait. She wasn't completely sure what her hang up was, after all, they were practically married anyway. Maybe the jealousy would end if she stopped putting off the inevitable. “Would that make you happy?”_  
  
 _“It’s all I've ever wanted, Ems,” he said, “he's not coming back, and I'm here, and I love you.”_  
  
 _Emma knew she should say no. Killian might not be coming back, but that wasn't the point. She loved Neal, but not the way he wanted her to, and marrying him would probably be another huge mistake. “Okay,” she said instead, “let's get married.”_


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal harps on Emma's fears, and Killian can't figure out what's gotten into her.

“Absolutely not,” Gold stated, “after all those strings I pulled to get that divorce expedited? Just let her go, son.”

“Divorcing her was a mistake,” Neal insisted.

“Marrying her was a mistake,” Gold snapped, “I know you're upset about Tamara, but do you really think going after Emma again is wise? After all that's happened, she isn't going to take you back, and she never loved you in the first place.”

“We were happy once,” he said, “I just gotta get her to remember that.”

“You were a rebound!”

“Fine!” Neal shouted, “I don't need your help anyway!” He didn't give his father a chance to argue. Before the man could speak, he stormed out of the shop and was halfway down the block before he started to cool down. He went to Granny's, fully intending to just slip up to his room, but a conversation in the diner caught his attention.

“No breakfast for Emma today?” Ruby asked.

“She's not feeling so great,” Killian answered, “sent me a message saying she was staying home today.”

“Everything okay?”

“Sounds like a cold,” he shrugged, “I told her I'd be by a little later to see if she needed anything.”

That was all Neal needed to hear.

***

Emma awoke to the sound of someone knocking on the door. After a quick glance at the clock, she figured it wasn't Killian, and therefore not worth getting untangled from the blanket cocoon she'd created on the couch.

“Ems?” It was Neal.

Dammit.

“Ems? I know you're in there!” He called, knocking again. She continued to ignore him, but that didn't stop him, “I just wanna talk. Can you open the door?”

Hell no.

Her silence didnt deter him one bit, “fine. You can just listen then. Look, I'm sorry for all the things I said and did. I was hurt, and I let it get to me, and I made bad choices. Really bad ones. I didn't mean all those hurtful things. I still love you.”

What the fuck was he trying to pull?

“He already left you once.”

_And you didn't? At least he tried, I'm the one who made him leave._

“I came back. He didn't even look for you. You can't give him what he wants. Did you tell him what happened? This isn't high school anymore. His infatuation will wear off, and when he realizes you can't give him stability, he'll realize he doesn't really love you.”

Okay, so maybe she wasn't quite stable, but who was?

“He'll want to get married, you gonna make him wait forever too? Does he know about the baby? You know he's gonna want a family, and if he knows you lost a second one, he's gonna know you probably won't be able to give him that.”

Tears started falling, and the crying made her already stuffy nose even stuffier, and the headache she'd developed started pounding. _Not true..._ She tried telling herself. He knew about everything, and he still said he wanted her. He knew she was damaged and he still treated her as if she was beautiful.

“Just think about it,” Neal said, “you know where to find me.”

***

“Emma!” Killian had been pounding on the door for the past couple minutes, but she was such a mess that she couldn't bring herself to answer it. She had been crying ever since Neal left hours ago, unable to shake off his ridiculous apology.

“Emma!” Killian shouted again, and it was apparent he was worried and not angry, “I'm knocking because it's polite, but Dave gave me a key. If you don't answer, I'll assume you're hurt and barge in!”

She had long since left the safety of her fort and had been sitting in the bathroom, hands holding her flattened belly, running over an almost invisible scar, reminding her of everything that had been taken away. She lost count of how many times she'd thrown up, all the sobbing and sniffling making her sick to her stomach. She was damaged, unstable and no good for Killian, who deserved so much better.

“Jesus Christ, Emma,” Killian said when he found her.

She hadn't even heard him come in.

She felt him put a hand on her forehead, “You're burning up.” He scooped her up and brought her back to the couch. After he'd run off for a moment, she saw him return, and felt a cool washcloth drape over her forehead.

“Why?” She managed to croak out, her voice long past gone.

“Why what, darling?” He asked, kneeling beside the couch, and smoothing his hand over her hair, “why am I here? I told you I'd be here. When you didnt answer, it scared me. What happened? Why are you so upset? Talk to me, Emma.”

Emma shut her eyes and shook her head. She couldn't tell him. How could she give him hope one minute, only to turn around and crush him the next?

“Just a minute,” he said, and she immediately felt empty when he wasn't at her side. She heard him making a phone call, and she hoped it wasn't to call David or Mary Margaret home. When he returned, he took her hand, “hey,” he whispered, “I'm here. You don't have to talk, but I called in and thankfully, they can get a sub for the rest of the day. So, unless you really don't want me here, you've got me for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Stay,” she said, slowly finding her voice again.

“Alright,” he said, watching as she opened her eyes to look at him. “Can I join you on the couch?” Emma nodded, and sat up, letting him sit behind her. He pulled her back to him, and after adjusting the washcloth on her head, he wrapped his arms around her. “Get some rest,” he whispered in her ear, “I'm here.”

“Why are you taking another chance on me?” She cringed at how small and weak she sounded.

“We went over this.” He tensed, wondering if she'd changed her mind, hoping this was just some feverish rambling. “You have my heart, Emma, always have.”

“I'm not good enough for you,” she whimpered, “I can't give you what you want.”

“Who the bloody hell told you that?” He asked.

“Does it matter?” She started sobbing again.

“No more of that,” he started peppering her cheek and neck with kisses, wanting nothing more than to figure out what had her following this new line of thinking.

She let out a little giggle, the kisses tickling her neck, “stop it.”

“Then you stop having this ridiculous notion that you're not good enough for me,” he said, “you're what I want, Emma, and if you'll have me, then I'll be the happiest man in the world.”

“And when you want more?” She asked.

“More than you?” He laughed, “not in this lifetime, or the next, likely not even the one after that. How many lifetimes do you think we get?”

“Knock it off,” she sighed, “I'm damaged goods-”

“God dammit,” he growled, “you ran into Neal, didn't you? Don't listen to a thing he says.”

“But it's true,” she sniffled, “I'm damaged beyond repair. You deserve better. I pushed you away-”

“Again,” he cut her off, “we were young. No one could really expect us to handle a loss like that without a blowout. You pushed, I ran. Neither of us should have, but we did. You're over here thinking you're not good enough for me, when I'm over here knowing you can do far better than me, but like I said before, if you'll have me, I'm not going anywhere. now, why don't you rest and get that fever down?”

There was still so much she needed to tell him, so many reasons he deserved better, but she didn't know how to say it. Right now it was just easy to let him comfort and take care of her. When her ability to form coherent thoughts returned, she'd tell him everything.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian does his best to make Emma feel better, and the next day, he has a confrontation with a very delusional Neal.

Despite being worked up over whatever Neal told her, She wanted Killian to stay. It wasn't completely comforting, but it did ease his tension a little. He let her sleep as he kept watch, making sure her fever went down, and that she wasn't plagued by nightmares.

When Mary Margaret came in, she glanced at the two of them, and shot Killian a questioning look. “Aren't you supposed to be working?” She whispered.

“Took the rest of the day,” he said it as quietly as possible, but Emma shifted and made little disgruntled sounds. “Shhh,” he kissed her cheek and murmured soothing words into her ear until she calmed down again.

“Need anything?” Mary Margaret asked.

Killian moved the washcloth, that had long since dried, and felt Emma's forehead. “Maybe another?” He asked, as he held the cloth up. Mary Margaret nodded and took the dried rag to trade it for a new one.

“Killian...” Emma muttered, “sick...”

It seemed as if she was talking in her sleep, but her movements were becoming less random, and more purposeful. Suddenly, she shot up and her hands flew to her mouth. She was gone in a flash, and he heard Mary Margaret say something when she likely got pushed out of the way. The brunette came back into the living room. “I thought she had a cold?”

“She'd been crying quite a bit by the time I got here,” he said, getting off the couch and stretching, “I'm certain that didn't do her any favors.”

“What happened?” She asked.

“I have no idea,” he said, “I came to check on her, and she was an absolute wreck. The way she was talking, it sounded like she'd run into Neal, but I'm fairly certain she hasn't left the house today, and she was with me most of the day yesterday, and she was fine, except for a little stuffy nose.”

“Neal came by earlier,” Emma mumbled as she reentered the room.

“You let him in?” Mary Margaret asked.

“No, but that didn't stop him from talking,” Emma fell down on the couch, and started to pull blankets up from the floor, “if you need me, I'll be in my blanket fort.”

Mary Margaret looked over at Killian, who looked as though he was debating staying with Emma, or going to kill Neal. “If you murder him, you'll go to prison.” She warned.

He needed to stay, and he knew it. Going after Neal, even if he only intended to give the ass a piece of his mind, could end up disasterous. Emma needed him, and he would do far more good here, than out looking for her dick of an ex. Thinking quickly, he disrupted her fort building, and made room on the couch, “I'm sure Mary Margaret can grab some crayons and we can spend all afternoon in this blanket fort.”

Emma gave him a funny look, “aren't we a little old to be sitting in a blanket fort and coloring?”

“Nope,” he started grabbing throw pillows and tried to turn the cocoon into an actual fort.

Mary Margaret started giggling as she went to go find her crayons and color books from the last time she babysat. She could hear Emma's mood lightening as the two constructed their little clubhouse.

“You're going to get sick, you idiot,” Emma teased.

“My immune system rocks,” Killian protested, “how about a little light?”

“Dont shine that in my face!”

Returning with crayons and books, Mary Margaret was shocked to see Emma and Killian (probably mostly Killian) had converted a decent amount of the living room into a blanket fort. “Here you go, kids,” she said, poking her head into the makeshift door, “I'm going to go see what David's up to.”

“Likely not working,” Killian winked, taking everything from her, “thanks.”

“Dont mention it,” Mary Margaret said, leaving them to their...whatever it was they wanted to call it.

“Look, Swan,” he said, “you still like Hulk, right?” He held up an Incredible Hulk coloring book, which she took with a smile.

“Maybe we're not too old for this,” she decided, finding a picture, then looking for green and purple crayons. They sat and colored in silence, Killian occasionally checking her forehead, seemingly relieved that she felt almost normal again. Eventually, she finished her picture and started looking for a new one.

Finally, Killian decided to try and figure out what was going on, “you wanna tell me what Neal was going on about?”

“Not really,” she didn't look at him, and the smile that was on her face had started to fade.

“Whatever he said,” Killian continued, “it isn't true.”

“Okay,” she said, though he could see that she still had doubt. But if she didn't want to discuss it, he wouldn't push it.

There were two things on Killian's to do list: cheer Emma up, and run Neal out of town.

***

“We need to talk.” Killian wasn't expecting to see Neal so early that next morning, but the man was in the diner, bugging Ruby already.

“Killian...” Ruby warned.

“No worries,” he assured her, “I just need to talk.” Emma had finally opened up and told him everything Neal had said to her. He had spent countless hours trying to undo all the damage that had been done, and as the sun rose that morning, he realized he'd made little progress.

“So talk,” Neal turned to him and Killian wanted to smack the ridiculous smirk off the guy's face.

“I don't know what your game is,” he growled, “but you leave Emma out of it. You did enough in New York, you don't need to follow her around trying to break her.”

“She's already broken,” Neal stated, “I'm just trying to remind her who fixed her the last time.”

“You didn't fix a damn thing,” Killian said, “and you abandoned her when she needed you the most.”

“Like you didn't?” Neal shot back, “face it Jones, you don't deserve her!”

“Of course I don't deserve her! I'm plenty aware of that! But you shouldn't make assumptions about things you weren't involved with.” He had always beat himself up for leaving, knowing he should have tried harder, should have refused to go when she pushed him away, even when she reminded him that she was the one who ended things. “But one thing I've never done is hit below the belt, and that's all you've been doing since you've been here.”

“Why didn't you come after her?” Neal taunted, “you knew where she was. If you really loved her, you would have come after her.”

“I was respecting her wishes,” he said, “something you need to learn how to do. So, I highly suggest you tuck that tail between your legs and shuffle back to New York.”

Neal laughed, “When she's ready to come back to New York, we'll leave.”

“Oh Hell no,” Ruby cut in, unable to stay silent any longer, “you're delusional if you think she'd ever go back to you.”

“You'll get sick of protecting her, Jones,” Neal continued, “and when you ditch her, I'll be there to pick up the pieces.”

“We'll see about that,” Killian rolled his eyes. He knew the guy was mad, but this was ridiculous. Neal didn't respond though, instead, he chose to leave.

“Justifiable homicide,” Ruby stated after he'd left.

“Not worth the headache,” Killian grinned, “think you could whip up a couple coffees? And bagels. Please?”

“To go, I'm guessing?” Ruby asked as she got to work.

“To go,” he nodded.

“David said you took the afternoon off yesterday,” Ruby said, “how is she?”

“Health-wise, she's getting there, but that asshole stopped by yesterday and filled her head with so much damn nonsense that she spent most of the afternoon in tears.”

“Explains why you hate him even more than usual,” Ruby sighed, “don't let her believe his bullshit.” She finished putting together his order and handed it over, “on the house.”

“Thanks Ruby,” he smiled, “I owe you a drink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even at my age, I'm all about the blanket forts!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal causes more problems, and David gets involved. An overwhelmed Emma tries anything to forget all the crap that she's dealing with at the moment, and Killian hates saying no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else excited for Peter Pan? It really is one of my favorite stories. :)

By the end of the week, Emma was relieved to find that she could breathe again. Just as he'd promised, Killian avoided catching whatever plague she'd brought upon the house. David and Mary Margaret weren't so lucky, even though Killian had been around her much more than they had, taking Emma to his place so she could hopefully avoid another confrontation with Neal. As far as they knew, the guy hadn't progressed to full on stalking yet, and they didn't think he knew where Killian lived.   
  
It had worked out well, he took off a couple more days and watched after her until she felt okay enough to go back to work. He insisted she stay with him until Neal got out of town, and he was so damn sweet about it, she couldn't find it in her heart to say no.   
  
He backed off a little, without her even asking, as if he knew she needed space. It was killing him, she could tell, so she tried to meet him halfway, but Neal's words still haunted her, despite the fact that they shouldn't.   
  
Everything was easier at night, when her guard was down. He offered her the spare room, but within the hour, she had gone into his room, shocking the hell out of him when she slid under the covers to cuddle up to him. He didn't complain, just cuddled back, seeming to enjoy the fact that she wanted to be there. She didn't even bother with the spare room after that.   
  
Neal had tried to find Emma at the Nolan's home a few more times that week, noting that her bug never left the driveway. Persistent and not easily discouraged, by the end of the week, he figured she was probably feeling better, and started looking for her, catching sight of Killian picking her up from the station Friday evening.   
  
“That explains her bug never leaving the house,” Neal mused, keeping his distance, but deciding to follow. When they pulled into the driveway, he pulled up behind them, blocking the driveway.   
  
“God dammit,” Killian groaned, “we've got company.” He turned off the car, and handed her the keys, “get in the house, I'll hold him off.” The last thing Emma needed right now was another confrontation with Neal. She was _just_ starting to open up again, and he wasn’t about to let a week’s worth of progress go down the drain that quickly.  
  
She nodded and kissed his cheek, “thank you,” she whispered.  
  
He smiled and opened the door, stepping out of the car just as Neal stepped out of his. As Emma made her way to the house, Killian stepped into Neal's path, “turn around and go home,” he warned.   
  
“I’m not here to see you,” Neal informed him.   
  
Like he didn't know that.   
  
“Well, she doesn't want to see you, so here we are,” Killian said, “so since I've got nothing to say to you, you can get your sorry ass off my property before I have Emma call the cops so they can remove you.”  
  
“He'll get sick of this Emma!” Neal called.   
  
Killian sighed in relief when he heard the door slam shut, but Neal still tried to move closer to the house. “Get off my property.”  
  
“Make me,” Neal stood his ground, but didn't try to move forward again.   
  
They stood there for a time, and Killian could only hope that the situation wasn't causing Emma any more pain. When he saw David pull up, he felt relieved. A few more minutes and there may have been a shallow grave in his backyard.  
  
“Neal,” David said once he had approached them.  
  
“Must be nice,” Neal shook his head, “having the sheriff in your pocket.”  
  
“You and I both know this has nothing to do with who my friends are, and everything to do with you trespassing. But please, go ahead and blame everyone but yourself for your problems.” He watched as David gave Neal the choice of leaving or being removed. As usual, the worm slinked away.   
  
“You aright?” David asked after Neal pulled away, “and Emma?”   
  
“Yeah,” Killian nodded, “We're okay. I just hoped that he'd be too dim to go looking for her.”  
  
“Thanks for not killing him,” David said, “I wouldn't have blamed you, but I'd still have to lock you up.”  
  
“It took every ounce of willpower,” Killian laughed, “glad Emma called.”  
  
“You know my number,” David said, “I may have scared him off, but he'll be back. You could always press charges, you know.”

“Perhaps next time,” Killian nodded, “right now, I just want to make sure Emma’s okay.”

“I mean it,” David said, “if he looks at you funny, call me. No more of this trying to handle it yourself, because that’s only going to make it escalate.” He left, and Killian went up the walk to the front door.   
  
“You alright, love?” He asked as he came into the house.   
  
She barely gave him a chance to lock the door when she ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. Before he could say another word, she was kissing him.   
  
It really was the last thing he expected after an encounter with Neal, but the shock wore off quickly. He wrapped his arms around her, tugging her closer, one hand sliding up to tangle in her hair, only pulling away when she moved to start unbuttoning his shirt. “Emma, what are you doing?”  
  
“What does it look like I'm doing?” She blushed, but didn't abandon her task.   
  
He stopped her, pulling back a little more, and covering her hands with his. “Sweetheart...” He couldn't let her do this.   
  
“Come on, Killian,” she rolled her eyes, “it's not like we haven't done this before.”  
  
“Not the point,” he whispered, because God, he wanted nothing more than to take her into the bedroom and make love to her until they were both completely spent, but not like this.  
  
“Please?” She looked up at him, eyes watering, and he realized exactly how she saw this. In her mind, this was a rejection. Another reason to hide behind her walls.   
  
None of it was right, but how was he supposed to turn her down without hurting her? “Come here,” he said, letting go of her hands and pulling her into a tight hug.   
  
“I thought you said you wanted me,” she whimpered.   
  
“I do, Emma,” he said, “more than anything.”  
  
“Then prove it.”  
  
God. Dammit. “I am,” he stated, “by not taking advantage of you right now.” Because, it was killing him to say no, in more ways than one.   
  
Emma pulled out of his grasp and pushed him back. “How in the hell is it taking advantage when I've made it perfectly clear that this is what I want?”  
  
“Listen to yourself,” he reasoned, “you're upset and you've got a million things going on right now.” The last thing he wanted was to wake up tomorrow only to find that she was full of regret. That was a rejection he wasn't sure _he_ could handle.   
  
She didn't say anything for a few moments, and just looked at him. He didn't know what else to do, knowing that all this was, was some way to distract herself from everything. “How do you know?” She asked, “How do you know this isn't just me wanting to be with you?”  
  
“Maybe you do,” he inched closer to her, “but the fact remains that right now, you're upset, and we both know that people do things they sometimes regret when they aren't thinking clearly.” He didn't want to come out and remind her about how awkward things got when she first returned to town, but he hoped she understood what he was getting at.   
  
“You think I'm going to freak out and avoid you again,” she guessed.   
  
“Can you blame me?” He asked.   
  
“Not really,” she sighed, “especially since last time, everything happened after we had a confrontation with Neal...I get it.”  
  
“I don't want to rush anything,” he reached for her hand, and almost sighed in relief when she let him take it, “and I certainly don't want some asshole being the deciding factor in anything.”  
  
“Think he'll leave town soon?” Emma asked, “Because I'm really ready for him to leave.”  
  
“He seems to think he's going to take you with him,” Killian informed her. Up until now, he'd kept that little piece of information to himself, because it was so ridiculous that there was no point in bringing it up. But now, it seemed that he was determined to sabotage whatever was good between Killian and Emma.   
  
She he laughed at the idea, and he had to admit he was shocked, thinking her reaction would be a bit more angry than that. “Does he really think that after all the shit he put me through, that I'd be dumb enough to go back to him?”  
  
“I put you through quite a bit-”  
  
“Don’t even compare yourself like that,” she interrupted, “what happened with us was completely different. You never put me down the way he did. Even at our worst, we were still better than what Neal and I were at our best. And if you want to keep score, I put you through a lot of shit too.”  
  
“Fair enough,” he nodded, knowing that it was no use arguing with her. “Look,” he decided a subject change was in order, “it's Friday night. What do you say to forgetting about what's troubling us and letting me take you out to a movie or something?”  
  
“Why don't we head out to that old drive in a couple towns over?” She asked, “Remember how they always used to play stuff like Goonies and Labyrinth?”   
  
“It’s quite possible they have a Back to the Future marathon going on,” he grinned, “I may be on their mailing list, let me double check.”  
  
“Should I get started on all the food we're going to pack in the car?” She asked.   
  
“Nothing healthy,” he reminded her, “I'll get the blankets. Three movies is quite the haul for one night.”  
  
“No sleeping,” she warned.   
  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he assured her.  



	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal's getting stranger, and Emma is rather enjoying staying with Killian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should be studying. I can imagine myself in a few years, "Teacher...why are our papers not graded?" 
> 
> Oh...because teacher was writing fanfic last night...

Three movies and several hours later, Killian pulled down the familiar road that led to his house. Emma was asleep in the passenger seat, as she had been since the last half of the third movie, and he knew that he'd have to tease her about that tomorrow, especially since she had specifically warned _him_ to not fall asleep.  
  
All he wanted to do right now was crawl into bed and crash, but as he approached his home, he noticed something was quite off. “Shit,” he grumbled, realizing the front door was open, and the frame looked almost destroyed. “So much for bedtime...”  
  
“Hmm?” Emma stretched her arms and opened her eyes, “are we back?”  
  
Killian debated lying and saying they weren't, but she'd definitely notice something was amiss when he pulled up to the station instead of home. “We have a visitor,” he said. David was probably sleeping, seeing as it was almost two in the morning, but there were a couple deputies that made the rounds during the night. Staying might not be the best idea if someone (Neal. It was totally Neal) was still inside, and if they were armed, it was even a dumber choice. The fact that no one seemed to react to the lights or sounds of him coming down the road, he figured the intruder was no longer there, but with Emma with him, he didn't want to take that chance.  
  
“Go back to sleep,” he told Emma, figuring at least one of them could get some rest out of this. As he bypassed his house, he looked around for any cars that didn't belong, but saw none. Either the moron had left, or he had walked. Deciding it didn't matter either way, he drove towards the station, hoping that someone was manning the desk.  
  
When he arrived, he saw a young deputy, looking like he was about to fall asleep. With a grin, he tapped on the desk, and the man woke with a start, “Sorry! Won't happen again, boss!” After looking up and realizing Killian was _not_ his boss, he sighed in relief.  
  
“I won't tell Dave about your nap,” Killian promised, “but perhaps you should lock the door next time?”  
  
“Stupid partner, always forgetting to do that,” the man grumbled, “So, how can I help you? Jones, right? Sheriff Nolan said to call him if you needed assistance. I'm guessing since you're here...”  
  
“I need assistance?” Killian finished for him, “aye, it seems someone has broken into my home, and I'm not quite sure if they're still there or not. Seeing as the only gun I keep is in a safe in my closet, I'd rather not find out the hard way should I be outmatched.”  
  
“Alright,” the deputy said, “why don't you wait here for the sheriff, and my partner and I will go check out your house.”  
  
Killian thanked him, and then went back to the car, where Emma was still knocked out. With a smile, he got back into the car, and waited, trying his best to keep from waking her, failing miserably when he just couldn't resist touching the hair that had fallen over her face. Tucking it back behind her ear, he couldn't help but chuckle. Even when she was out to the world and in complete disarray, she was beautiful.   
  
She opened her eyes and smiled at him, “What?”  
  
“Seems there’s a lovely lady who's decided to sleep in my car,” he said, “and I just can't take my eyes off of her.”  
  
“Stop it,” she blushed, “you're being ridiculous.”  
  
A light tapping on his window signaled David's arrival. “Hey,” he said, once Killian rolled down the window, “I hear you had some problems.”  
  
“Your deputies went to check out the house,” Killian said.   
  
“Yeah,” David nodded, “I just got a call. They're bringing Neal in. Seems like you arrived shortly after he broke in.”  
  
“What the hell was he doing?” Emma asked.  
  
“Doesn’t matter,” Killian growled, “lock his ass up.”  
  
“Working on it,” David assured him, “I was told that everything was relatively undisturbed, and that Neal looked like he was just waiting, but I still want you to make sure, so if anything is out of sorts, we can add it to the report.”  
  
“I’m sorry we had to wake you,” Killian said.  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” David said, “I told my guys that I wanted to be notified. Why don't you two come inside and I can get your statement?”  
  
“You awake now?” Killian looked over at Emma, who still seemed half out of it.  
  
“Yeah,” she nodded. Killian rolled the window up, and they got out to follow David into the station.   
  
There wasn't much to tell, they had been gone all evening, but Killian told David what he could. Emma made herself comfortable as the guys talked, she had nothing really to add, seeing as she was asleep the whole time. Sleep was something she desperately wanted to get back to.   
  
When Neal was dragged into the station, he immediately focused on Emma and Killian. “This is ridiculous!” He shouted, “I have rights!”  
  
Emma looked away, not even wanting to make eye contact with him. Killian didn't say a word, knowing that anything he said would likely be twisted by Neal, but he found humor in the situation. The man had broken into his home, for God knows what reason, and yet, he was complaining about getting arrested.   
  
“You do have rights,” David said, watching as Neal was placed in a cell, “I'm sure my deputies reminded you of them.”  
  
“Yeah, you know they did,” Neal muttered, “I want to know why I'm being locked up like an animal.”  
  
“You’ve got to be bloody kidding me,” Killian laughed.   
  
“Breaking and entering is a crime,” David stated, “even in Storybrooke.”  
  
“We made sure to secure your residence,” the sleepy deputy said, “You’ll need to get that door fixed though.”  
  
***  
 _“Are you alright?” He asked, for what seemed like the hundredth time that afternoon._  
  
 _“'M fine,” she said._  
  
 _Killian pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head as she snuggled up to him. She said she was fine, she seemed fine, but every damn movie he'd ever seen had defined this type of moment so differently than what had actually happened, that he didn't know what he was supposed to do next._  
  
 _“Please tell me you're not comparing this to one of those dumb movies,” she giggled._  
  
 _He smiled at that, “are you some kind of a mind reader, Swan?”_  
  
 _“Yeah,” she said._  
  
 _“So...” It had been a long time since they'd had an awkward silence, but what the hell was one supposed to talk about? “That was...”_  
  
 _“Fun?”_  
  
 _“Are you asking me, or telling me?” He asked, “you sure you're alright?”_  
  
 _“I’m fine,” she insisted, “and okay, so maybe it was a little awkward-”_  
  
 _“A lot awkward,” he corrected._  
  
 _“A lot awkward,” she giggled again, “but it was fun. You really don't have to be so worried about me.”_  
  
 _“Can’t help it,” he said, tipping her chin up, and shifting so he could kiss her again. “I love you,” he murmured against her lips._  
  
 _“Love you too.”_

***  
It had only been a week, but Emma was already used to staying with Killian. As innocent as it was, she couldn't deny enjoying it. “He's getting crazier,” she said as she watched Killian mess with the door. After spending the rest of the night at the Nolan’s, he insisted on getting started on fixing the door. She had asked him about just hiring someone to fix it, but he was adamant about doing it himself.   
  
“Dave said his daddy bailed him out this morning,” Killian said. The frame had already been replaced, and now he was just trying to get the new door on, complete with a security screen.   
  
Emma continued watching him work, his shirt long since abandoned. With a little smile, she decided it _was_ a better idea for him to fix the door himself. “Are you sure you don't need me to do something? I mean, _technically_ , this is my fault...”  
  
“Not your fault, love,” he stated, “and I'm fine. I've installed plenty doors in the past ten years. Had to work my way through school somehow, and Marco was needing some assistance, so it worked out for both of us.”  
  
“Did he teach you how to make cuckoo clocks?” She asked, knowing that home repair may have been Marco's money maker, but clocks and toys were his forte.   
  
“I may have attempted a ship in a bottle once,” he looked at her and grinned, “but it's a disaster.”  
  
“Hmmm,” she hummed in amusement, then went back to her original topic, “so, how long before you think Neal does something to get him locked up for good? I mean, we know he thinks he's not leaving town without me, so getting locked up is the only way we'll ever be rid of him.”  
  
“Eager to go back to Dave's?” He teased.   
  
Emma took a second to process that, “ummmm...”  
  
“I was kidding,” he assured her. “There,” he got up and slammed the screen shut, then played with the door, “that should do it.”  
  
“I’m impressed,” she said, “I would have just hired someone.”  
  
“So you could ogle them while they worked? Don’t think I didn’t notice.” He winked at her and she knew she was turning an unnatural shade of pink. He kissed her cheek as he brushed by her, “I'm just gonna shower, then we can watch some Netflix for a while if you'd like?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Night game today,” he added, “you coming?”  
  
“Yeah,” she nodded.   
  
“Good,” he said, before disappearing into the bedroom.   
  
No. She wasn't eager to go back to David's at all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma stops caring about what Neal is up to. Mary Margaret is uncomfortable telling Emma a secret. Three little words fill Emma's heart.

Neal was on the loose again, but Emma really couldn't bring herself to care.   
  
Mary Margaret and Regina joined her at the game, citing a need for a girl's night. Emma knew that meant they wanted information from her. 

Something was off with her best friend though. She couldn't put her finger on it, but the woman seemed distracted, and wouldn't make eye contact with her. “What's going on?” Emma finally asked, “Are you mad at me about something?”

“No,” her friend insisted, and Regina just shrugged, obviously not in the loop either. “I'm just...going through stuff at the moment.”  
  
“Okay,” Emma was relieved that it seemed to have nothing to do with her, “so talk to us, we're your friends.”  
  
“Exactly,” Regina added, “Besides, if one of us was acting weird, you'd waste no time trying to drag the information out of us.”  
  
“It's nothing, really,” she said, “why don't we talk about something else? Like, your engagement party?” She flashed a smile at Regina, who for the first time in history, blushed.  
  
“Wait,” Emma grinned, “when did this happen?”  
  
“Last night,” Regina smiled.  
  
Mary Margaret's jitters seemed to melt away as the attention moved to Regina. Emma still caught her casting nervous glances now and then, but it wasn't enough to really set her on edge. Something was up, but if it was really bad, Mary Margaret would have taken her aside and talked to her about it. At least she hoped that's what would happen. It wasn't like the woman to stew over something.  
  
When the game was over, Regina bid them goodbye before taking off, and Emma and Mary Margaret left the bleachers, Killian quick to join them. As they made their way to the parking lot, Mary Margaret took Emma by the hand and spoke up, “Hey, Killian? You don't mind if I borrow Emma for a minute, do you?”  
  
“Sure,” he arched an eyebrow, but didn't question it, leaving them alone as he made his way to the car.  
  
 _Oh God,_ Emma thought, _here it comes. I've done something horribly wrong and my best friend is about to lay into me._  
  
“I'm pregnant.” Mary Margaret blurted out. Emma stopped to look at her, and the brunette looked as if she were on the brink of tears, and they didn't seem like happy ones. “I'm sorry...I didn't...ugh...”  
  
“Wait,” Emma stopped her, “Why are you sorry?”   
  
“I didn't know how to tell you,” she said.  
  
“Oh,” Emma nodded in understanding. Mary Margaret was notorious for putting everyone else first. “But it's something you want, right? I mean, you and David always talked about a family.”  
  
“It is...”  
  
“I'm fine,” she smiled, “and I'm happy for you.” She was, really. It wasn't Mary Margaret's fault that Emma couldn't seem to have a successful pregnancy, and her own shortcomings shouldn't stop her best friend from having everything she'd always dreamed of. But maybe it hurt, just a little. Because Emma had a chance at that, and fate pretty much laughed in her face. Now, Regina was engaged, and would probably be having children soon, and maybe even Ruby and Victor would settle down, and Emma would be surrounded by all her friends' babies and she would be what...Killian's girlfriend? Or maybe Neal was right. Maybe Killian would see all those kids and realize he wanted someone who could actually give him that.  
  
“Really?” Mary Margaret asked.  
  
“Really.” It wasn't a lie, she _was_ happy for her friend. She was just maybe a little sad for herself. But, who was she to rain on someone's parade? With a smile, she hugged Mary Margaret, and congratulated her. They parted ways as they approached their cars, waving at each other as Mary Margaret got into hers and drove off.  
  
“Everything alright?” Killian asked as she slid into the passenger seat.  
  
“Yeah.” Okay, so that one was an outright lie, “just girl talk.” Truth.  
  
He nodded and started the car, and Emma held on until they got home. Then she ran in, locked herself in the bathroom and cried.  
  
“Emma?” Killian knocked on the door, “sweetheart, is everything alright?”  
  
Of course it wasn't, and she knew that he knew it, and that’s why he asked again. He could tell the second she got into the car, perceptive bastard. “Just a minute,” she said, hurrying to clean up before she opened the door.   
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, when she finally came out. She shook her head, and cursed herself when she started crying all over again. “What do you say to just turning in for the night?”  
  
“Kay,” she mumbled.   
  
***  
Emma wasn't feeling any better the next morning, so when Killian informed her that David and Mary Margaret wanted to meet for breakfast, she declined, stating that she had a headache. It wasn't a complete lie, all the crying she'd done last night had done a number on her. The last thing she wanted was for her friends to think she was avoiding them, and maybe avoidance wasn't what she was intending, but she knew that's exactly what it looked like she was doing.  
  
Killian didn't press her for an explanation, just offered her some pain killers and a promise to return with some food for her.   
  
She just didn't deserve him at all.   
  
When he returned, she had already gotten up and showered, hoping it would help, but it hadn't. He found her bundled up on the couch watching some sci-fi movie.   
  
“Why didn't you tell me?” He asked, sitting next to her, dropping the to-go bag on the coffee table.   
  
“Sorry,” she whispered.  
  
“Nothing to apologize for.” He unwrapped her from her little cocoon and pulled her towards him. She felt him kissing her cheek, temple and the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her. “I told them you weren't feeling well, and Mary Margaret assumed the worst.”  
  
“She always does,” Emma started crying, “I didn't mean to make her feel bad, and I'm sorry you got blindsided-”  
  
“You didn't do anything wrong,” he said, “I just wish you would have told me...so I could be there for you. But it's your choice whether or not you want to talk.”  
  
“I’m happy for her,” she said, “and I mean it. I really do.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“I feel guilty for even being upset,” she continued, “and...I think I might be jealous too.”  
  
“I’m sure she understands that. I mean, it did seem like she was quite nervous about talking to you last night. I assume that's when she told you?”  
  
“Yeah.” She started calming down again, “I'm sorry I lied to you, about being okay. I should have just told you I wasn't.”  
  
“It’s alright,” he rubbed her back, “like I said, you've got no reason to apologize. I understand.”  
  
She really, _really_ didn't deserve him.   
  
“I’m the worst friend ever...”  
  
“No, you're not.” He pulled back, and brought his hands up to cradle her face. Her eyes were still watery, and it looked as if they could spill over at any moment, but right now, he didn't care if she started crying again, she needed to hear what he had to say. “You need to stop putting yourself down. God, Emma, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Just because that ass of an ex calls you damaged, doesn't mean you are. You're amazing, and beautiful, and a damn good friend.”  
  
“But I'm broken,” she argued, “and how can I be a good friend when I've obviously hurt Mary Margaret?”  
  
He rested his forehead against hers, hoping he could just get through to her. “Emma, you're human. You hurt, and that's understandable. She wasn't angry at all, just worried about you. And as far as being broken, aren't we all? No one is perfect, we all have our flaws and demons, but that's what makes us special. I love you Emma, every part of you. Even the parts that you feel are damaged beyond repair. And I assure you darling, they're not.”  
  
She wasn't sure how to respond. Sure, he told her he'd always been in love with her, but this was the first time he'd outright said the three words they'd both avoided since Amelia's birthday.   
  
“I love you too,” she said softly, “every part of you.”  
  
Killian smiled and nudged her nose with his, making her giggle as he closed the remaining distance between them, kissing her softly. He felt her hand at the back of his head, and let out a groan when she started twisting her fingers in his hair.   
  
Her lips parted, and she gave a quick nip at his lower lip, a playful smile forming on her face. A few stray tears had escaped, but there was no trace of sadness left in her eyes. With a quiet growl, he dove back in, deepening the kiss, tasting a mix of minty toothpaste and salty tears.   
  
He felt her hands wander down, sliding over his chest and coming to a halt at his waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt.   
  
She groaned in annoyance when he pulled back and grabbed her hands. “I'm fine,” she insisted.   
  
“I know,” he kissed her forehead, “I was merely going to suggest we move this to more comfortable quarters.”  
  
“You mean the bedroom?” She teased.   
  
“Aye,” he laughed as he stood up and scooped her into his arms. With a giggle, she wrapped her arms around his neck.   
  
“Really?” She rolled her eyes and grinned, “you're ridiculous-oh...” Whatever else she wanted to say was lost when he nipped at her earlobe.   
  
“You were saying?”   
  
“Carry on.”  
  
 _Carry on, indeed,_ he thought, with a smirk, carrying her into the bedroom and gently placing her on the bed. Emma however, had other ideas, and the second she was out of his arms, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her, capturing him in a fiery kiss, breaking away only to shed clothes, which seemed to fly off at an alarming rate.   
  
As desperate as it all seemed, there was something sweet about the way he covered her with kisses, trailing down as if he were worshiping every bit of skin he could touch. Soft moans escaped as he brushed over her sides with his hands, biting gently at the curve of her waist, laughing when a little giggle escaped her. “A bit ticklish are we?”  
  
She threaded her fingers in his hair and gave a little tug, grinning in satisfaction when he gave a little grunt. “Don't even think about it.”   
  
“Whatever do you mean, darling?” He grinned and pinched her side, earning another giggle.   
  
“Not funny!” Her giggles turning into full on laughter as he continued his little attack.   
  
“Seems plenty funny to me,” he mused, sliding back up to kiss her again.   
  
A million thoughts ran through her head about what she should be feeling, nervous, vulnerable, maybe even a little shy, but all she could feel was loved, wanted, and even needed. Maybe it was his incessant need to be a pain in the ass by making her laugh, or maybe it was how every kiss left a trail of fire in its wake, she might never know, but she felt completely comfortable and safe in this moment, as they tangled together.   
  
Her hands roamed his back as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, her name tumbling from his lips, sounding like both a curse and a prayer. She brought a hand up to his head, fingers tangling in his hair as she nipped at his earlobe, tugging it into her mouth sucking on it, reveling in the muffled noises it coaxed from him.   
  
“Killian...” She was barely able to rasp out. He pulled back a little, wanting to watch her as she tumbled over, knowing he was close himself.   
  
He kissed her, and brought a hand between them, rubbing his thumb over her. “Let go,” he murmured on her lips, kissing her again as she cried out. He followed her over the edge, collapsing on top of her, before he rolled to the side, hearing her whimper as he slipped out of her.   
  
Spent, he shut his eyes for a moment, then fell to his back, pulling her towards him and bringing her into an embrace. She didn't say a word, and at first, he worried that she might be working on building her walls again, but after looking at her, he realized she had simply fallen asleep, a content smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write. Just saying...this is a definite first for me. Usually stuff like this gets deleted before I even have a chance to proof-read. 
> 
> In other news, don't count Neal out just yet.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian is desperately trying to protect a stubborn Emma. Mary Margaret let's the girls know about her pregnancy, and Emma confides in Ruby.

Monday came too quickly, and with it, a whole new set of problems. Emma had spent most of Sunday worrying about whether or not her friends were upset with her, even though Killian assured her that they weren't. When she arrived at work that morning, she found that once again, he was right. She and David went about their day as normal.

“Swan?” Killian stepped into the office at quitting time, noticing David and Emma were both completely engrossed in something on the computer.

Emma looked up and smiled at him, “hey, come here.” He did as he was told, and looked at the screen. All coherent thought was lost when she slipped an arm around his waist, giving him a little sideways hug, without letting go afterwards.  
  
“Watch! Watch!” David started laughing at the video, completely unaware.  
  
 _“Your face! Goddammit!”_  
  
Killian an snapped his attention back to the screen, watching as some poor idiot face planted into some sludge at the bottom of a drained pool.  
  
“David found some funny videos,” Emma explained.  
  
“That’s disgusting,” Killian made a face, “hilarious, but disgusting. Is this what you do all day?”  
  
“No!” David protested, “Your tax dollars aren't being wasted, I promise.”  
  
“Just a little break during a slow moment,” Emma added.  
  
“For a Monday, it's been unusually slow,” David said.  
  
“On that note,” Emma grinned, “I'm out. I'd rather not get overtime because you were dumb enough to jinx it. Good luck with the onslaught of phone calls.”  
  
“See you tomorrow,” David waved her off and she and Killian made their exit.  
  
She didn't let go of him, and as he draped an arm over her shoulders, he couldn't help but smile. Hand holding (and the occasional peck) was generally as far as their public displays of affection got, even back when they were teens. She was never one for being overly affectionate in public, usually grumbling at others to get a room, so the fact that she was so close right now, leaning into him a bit as he gave her a little squeeze, had him on cloud nine.  
  
“Y'know,” she said, as he unlocked the car, “I can probably drive myself now that leaving my car in David's driveway isn't fooling anyone.”  
  
“Nonsense, Swan,” he laughed, “I rather enjoy carpooling with you.” She blushed, and slid into the front seat as he rounded to the other side. Once he was in the car, he was surprised to feel her hand on his jaw, turning his head towards hers, pulling him into a kiss.  
  
Anyone who walked down the street could see them, right in front of the sheriff’s station, lips locked and tongues tangling. It was so unlike her, and yet, he didn't want to stop her.  
  
The knock on the window did the trick, even though she still seemed reluctant to pull away. “Hey kids!” It was Ruby. Emma turned to roll the window down, and before they could say hi, Ruby was ready with jokes. “I'm going to have to ask you guys to get a room. No one needs to see that crap.”  
  
“Oh please,” Emma shot back, “I seem to remember a certain brunette who spent ninety percent of her high school career making out in the halls.”  
  
“And I haven't changed much,” Ruby winked, “though, I took my show on the road. Making out in school halls is a bit too young for me these days. Anyway, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Neal checked out today, which means I can't keep an eye on him anymore.”  
  
“Maybe he's leaving,” Emma suggested, though it was more wishful thinking than anything else.  
  
“Neal?” Killian chuckled, “skip bail? He's much too honorable to do a thing like that.”  
  
“I'll let you know if I see him hanging around,” Ruby said, “but he hasn't been back to the diner since he left, and we all know that's become his favorite place to sulk.”  
  
“Thanks Ruby,” Emma said, “I'm sure we haven't seen the last of him.”  
  
“Like I said, I'll keep an eye out, and I'm sure your knight over there will too,” she winked at Killian. “I gotta get out of here, you can go back to your regularly scheduled make out session.”  
  
He didn't have to see her face to know she'd rolled her eyes. After rolling the window back up, she turned to smile at him, “okay, knight, let's go home.”  
  
“As you wish,” he grinned, starting the car and putting it in gear.  
  
***

By Friday, they still hadn't seen or heard from Neal. He'd missed his court date, and that seemed to put Emma at ease, but it made Killian nervous. With an away game that evening, he'd spent most of the week trying to convince Emma to stay with David and Mary Margaret until he returned.  
  
“Please?” He begged, “I won't be home until late tonight, and I know you can take care of yourself, but he has gone off the deep end. Just go to Dave's until I return.”  
  
She’d spent most of Thursday convincing him she'd be just fine on her own, but he was adamant.  
  
“Did you really come all the way here for lunch just to continue this conversation?” She was annoyed, but tried not to show it. He was only looking out for her, and she appreciated that, but she was also certain a few hours alone wouldn't be all that bad.  
  
“Emma...” He was beyond frustrated, and she hated that she was the one making him that way.  
  
He wasn't pressuring her to do anything terrible, just trying to keep her from being alone, and she got that, she really did, but she felt backed into a corner. Like if she didn't just give in, he'd harp on her until she did. Like he'd been harping on her all week. It was a situation she was all too familiar with, and one she didn’t care for all that much.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said, before she could even respond. “You're right. You're not a child, and it's not fair of me to try and make you do something you don't want to do.”  
  
“But...” There was always a but.  
  
“No buts,” he promised, “I mean it, I'm sorry.”  
  
She was shocked to say the least, “Are you sure? No, 'I know what's best,' or 'just listen to me,' or 'goddammit Emma why won't you just marry me'?” The words flew out before she realized what she was saying.  
  
“I never said that,” he stated.  
  
“No,” she shook her head, “you didn't. I'm sorry.”  
  
“That’s why you're so defensive, isn't it?” He asked, “You've had this conversation before.”  
  
“Yeah,” she nodded, “about a million times, but this is different, and you’re not being an asshole.” Neal was always an asshole, raising his voice, insisting she was wrong, that she just needed to do what he said. “And just trying to protect me, not trying to convince me to make some gigantic mistake. I'm sorry, I'll go hang out with my friends tonight.”  
  
“No,” he said, “If you want to stay home, please, do. Just promise you'll text me now and then and let me know you're alright?”  
  
“Okay,” she promised.  
  
After work, she went to David's.  
  
***

Mary Margaret was thrilled to have her friend back. Emma had been careful of their interactions all week, not outright avoiding, but just holding back. Tonight though, everything seemed to be okay.  
  
“I’m so glad you're not mad at me,” Mary Margaret said for the millionth time. She had fawned over Emma the second she walked into the house, and hadn’t stopped, even though a few hours had gone by since.  
  
“I was never mad at you,” Emma assured her, again.  
  
“You’ve just been a little distant,” she said, “and I get it, I really do, and I know it's only been a week, but I missed you.”  
  
“I missed you too,” Emma said, “and I'm sorry for being such a bad friend lately-”  
  
“You haven't been a bad friend,” Mary Margaret said. It looked like she was about to say more, but the doorbell rang.  
  
“Expecting someone?” Emma asked. David had run off to Robin's for a bit, and wasn't expected to return so soon.  
  
“I invited the girls over,” Mary Margaret winced, as if she'd forgotten all about it, “before I knew you'd be here. I wanted to tell them about...well, you know, and I was so excited when David said you were going to be here tonight that it slipped my mind.”  
  
“Well,” Emma smiled, “don't leave them hanging.”  
  
With a sigh of relief, Mary Margaret got up to answer the door, and was met with Ruby's overly excited voice. “I have gossip! Guess who totally did it- oh! Hi Emma!” She stopped running her mouth the instant she saw Emma on the couch.  
  
Emma said hello, and gave Ruby a look that said she needed to shut up. Regina just followed silently, not wanting to get caught in the war.  
  
Ruby by plopped down next to Emma and wrapped her arm around the blonde, “I've been holding onto this all week,” she said, “but now that we're all here, why don't you fill me in on all the dirty details.”  
  
“You saw us kissing,” Emma said, “Don’t read into it too much.”  
  
“Making out,” Ruby reminded her.  
  
“Wait a minute,” Regina finally spoke, “since when do you make out where people can see you?”  
  
“I think we're here for our friend,” Emma reminded them, “not me.”  
  
Ruby pulled away from Emma, and leaned over to whisper to Regina, “totally did it.”  
  
Emma gave Mary Margaret a look that just oozed desperation, “why don't we just jump in?” She pleaded as Regina and Ruby got ready to start their interrogation.  
  
“I’m pregnant,” Mary Margaret stated.  
  
After a couple seconds of silence, as if they couldn't believe what had just happened, the two women started screaming and gushing congratulations. Girl talk began, and soon, the topic had moved from Mary Margaret's impending bundle to when Regina was going to have one.  
  
“We might give it a shot after the wedding,” she said, “but we still haven't agreed on a date. What about you and your doctor?”  
  
“Oh please,” Ruby rolled her eyes, “I run a business and he's a doctor. We don't have time for that. But I _do_ have time for nieces and nephews.”  
  
Emma was a little uncomfortable with the conversation, so she didn't say much, but everyone else's excitement kept a smile on her face. “What about you, Emma?” Ruby asked, turning the conversation her way. “Things seem to be going pretty great for you and lover boy.”  
  
“Ruby,” Mary Margaret scolded.  
  
“What?” She asked, “you know those two are gonna get married someday.”  
  
“I _just_ got divorced,” Emma reminded them, “and Killian and I have only just started seeing each other after _not_ seeing each other for a long time.”  
  
“But when it’s right, it's right,” Regina told her, “and you'd have cute babies.”  
  
“I don't think that’s gonna happen,” she said softly.  
  
“Why not?” Ruby asked, “I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but a lot of women go on to have healthy babies, and come on, you two would have beautiful babies.”  
  
“I’ve lost two,” Emma reminded her, “and I really don't want to talk about this anymore.” Everything came rushing back to her. The beautiful little girl that was ripped away too soon, and the child that was gone before she even had a chance to see it.  
  
“Emma...” Ruby frowned.  
  
“I’m going to go lie down,” she said, “Is that okay?”  
  
“Of course,” Mary Margaret nodded as she gave Ruby one of the dirtiest looks Emma had ever seen.  
  
As she disappeared into the spare room, Emma heard quiet discussion. It wasn't until she buried herself in blankets that realized someone had come in and shut the door.  
  
“Emma,” it was Ruby, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I know I've got a big mouth, and I really didn't mean any harm...I just...I mean, we were talking about babies, and you seemed happy, so I thought I'd just ask. It was stupid and insensitive, and I'm really, _really_ sorry. Please don't hate me.”  
  
“I don't hate you,” Emma mumbled, still buried underneath a mountain of blankets.  
  
“Come out of there?” Ruby begged.  
  
Emma emerged from her nest, and was immediately pulled into a hug. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-”  
  
“Okay,” Emma let out a little laugh, “I'm not mad at you, I just...it's not something I like to talk about. I mean, I don't mind that you guys are all happy and talking about your plans, but...I just don't think it's it the cards for me.”  
  
“Are you sure about that?” Ruby asked.  
  
“I’ve lost two babies,” Emma stated, “and both times I got zero answers on why. Instead, I got the usual 'you didn't do anything wrong' speech.”  
  
“Okay,” Ruby nodded, “so, no one’s actually said that you can never ever have babies, right?”  
  
“Ruby-”  
  
“Just, hear me out,” she said, “let's start with the big question. Do you _want_ babies?”  
  
“I really don't see how this is going to make me feel better.”  
  
“I want babies,” Ruby said.  
  
“You said you didn't,” Emma said.  
  
“No,” Ruby shook her head, “I said I didn't have time for them. That's not entirely true though.” She frowned, as if she wasn't sure what to say next, “I know I'm a gossip, Emma, but you know that I'd never say anything to intentionally hurt the people I love.”  
  
Emma raised an eyebrow, not sure why Ruby was telling her this. Sure, the woman had always been known for her gossip, and was usually always on board for teasing and good natured ribbing, but Emma knew there was never bad intentions attached to any of it. “Ruby, I know that. If I told you something really bothered me, you'd stop.”  
  
“So this conversation doesn't leave this room?”  
  
“I won't say anything,” she promised, though she wasn't sure why Ruby suddenly clammed up.  
  
“I want babies,” Ruby said again, “but I can't have them. I found out a few years ago, back when I was actually considering settling down with Billy.”  
  
“Billy the mechanic?” Emma asked.  
  
“Yeah,” she laughed, “crazy, right? Anyway, I was with him for a long time, and we actually tried for a bit, but when nothing happened, I figured I'd try and see what the problem was. My problems could probably fill a novel, so I won't get into them, but I was told that the likelihood of me ever getting pregnant was slim to none. Billy didn't like those odds, so we parted ways.”  
  
“Ouch.”  
  
“Oh, it's okay,” Ruby assured her, “because Vic had just come back to town and we started talking. But not the point. The point is, I was actually told that babies probably wouldn't happen for me. But you know what? It's not gonna stop me from trying when I'm ready again. So, let's start again, same question. Do you want babies? I don't care if you want them now or far into the future. Just a yes or no.”  
  
“Yes, but-”  
  
“No buts,” Ruby shushed her, “has anyone ever told you that there is no way in hell that you will ever have one? And I don't mean dipshit. He's not a doctor.”  
  
“No,” Emma said. She'd never had any obvious female problems, and never got any horrible news after any checkups, but that never meant anything other than she wasn't dying. Right?  
  
“So, maybe, it _is_ in the cards,” Ruby smiled, “and you should really stop listening to Neal.”  
  
“I’m not at a place where I can really think about bringing a kid into this world right now,” Emma said.  
  
“So?” Ruby shrugged, “you might be in a couple years. Never hurts to ask a few questions, right?”  
  
“I’m afraid of the answer,” Emma admitted.  
  
“But what if it's a good answer?” Ruby countered, “I'll go with you.”  
  
“Really?” Having an answer would be nice, and having a friend to confide in would be even better.  
  
“Really. And I won't say a word to anyone.”

“Thanks Ruby.”

“Don’t mention it,” She hugged her again.

“Emma!” Mary Margaret came running into the room. Emma and Ruby took one look at her, and instantly knew something was wrong.  
  
“What’s going on?” Emma asked, standing up, ready to run if need be. Neal. It had to be Neal. His disappearance was temporary and now he was starting shit again.  
  
“Killian's been in an accident,” she said, and Emma’s heart dropped right into her stomach. “Just outside of town, they're on their way to the hospital-”  
  
“How did you hear all this?” Emma asked, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Aside from a couple texts earlier in the evening, and one just an hour ago telling her he'd be home soon, there was nothing.  
  
“David's his emergency contact,” she explained, “but that's not the point, I don't have details, but David says we probably need to get down there.”

Shit. “You should probably get down there” was never a good phrase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And on that note, I will leave you with a cliffhanger. I've got a fairly decent sized project due for class this week, so I may or may not be posting. (Sometimes, I can whiz through these projects, if it's something up my alley...other times, I have to really devote my life to it).
> 
> And I feel totally evil for leaving you with this.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the hospital, the group finds out there's more to the accident than they thought. Killian asks a crazy question, and Emma isn't sure what to think.

Numb. That was the only way she could describe what she was feeling, because she couldn't feel anything. Ruby stayed close, never letting go of Emma's hand as Regina drove the four of them to the hospital.  
  
David met them in the waiting room, and the look on his face said that there was no good news. He went straight to Emma and pulled her away from Ruby and into a hug. “He's in surgery,” he told her, “it'll be okay...it'll be okay...”  
  
“You don't know that! Don't tell me it's going to be okay when you have no fucking clue!” She'd lost so much already, she couldn't lose him too. “God, I'm sorry...it's not your fault.”  
  
“Not even mad,” David said, “Just vent.”  
  
“Emma,” Mary Margaret joined David and hugged her friend, “we're here, okay?”  
  
“Kay,” she sobbed.  
  
They smothered her for what seemed like forever, and if she had any fight in her, she would have pushed them all away, but at the moment, she could barely remember to breathe. So she sat in silence for a couple hours, waiting for any kind of news. The longer it took, the less optimistic Emma was.  
  
“Where is my son?”  
  
Everyone looked up to see Gold at the information desk, making demands.  
  
“David...” It was too much of a coincidence. And if it was what she thought, Emma wondered why it took hours for Gold to show up.  
  
David didn't answer, instead, he went to try and deal with Gold. “Hey, you need to calm down.”  
  
“Don’t tell me to calm down,” Gold argued, “one of your deputies calls to tell me that my son is being rushed to the hospital, and you want me to remain calm?”  
  
“First of all,” David said, “your son is fine. Second, he missed his court date, so once the doctor gives him the okay, he's going straight to a holding cell.”  
  
“Pops!” Neal came out of the room, a deputy at his side. “I'm fine! Not a scratch.”  
  
Emma looked over at Neal, then at David, and his face said it all. “You!” She stood up and started going towards Neal, ready to kill him. This was his fault, she knew it.  
  
“Emma!” Ruby ran and grabbed hold of her friend. “Emma, you can't lay a hand on him.”  
  
“What’s your problem?” Neal rolled his eyes, “I said I was fine.”  
  
“Emma,” David held his hand up, “just stay back. He's going to a cell, where he'll be under lock and key. He won't be able to hurt anyone.”  
  
“He already did!” Emma protested.  
  
“Contain your cousin, Sheriff,” Gold commanded, “before she causes a riot in the hospital. That would be bad press, now wouldn't it?”  
  
“Get him to the station,” David instructed. The sooner Neal was out of Emma's line of sight, the better. As soon as he'd been taken away, gold followed.  
  
“What happened David?” Emma asked, “What aren't you telling me?”  
  
David sighed, obviously not wanting to get into it, but knowing he had to. “I can't give you all the details right now,” he said, “I don't even have them yet.”  
  
“Neal?” She asked, though she knew the answer, “he did something, didn't he? Because it's too much of a coincidence that they'd both end up here at the same time, and now Neal's being hauled away to the station. Over something the court isn't even all that worried about?”  
  
“Okay,” David sighed, “all I know is they were both involved.”  
  
“It was on purpose, wasn't it?” Emma asked.  
  
“I hate to interrupt,” Victor's voice carried through the waiting room.  
  
David took Emma by the arm and brought her over to the doctor, hoping the guy had good news, but knowing Emma needed to hear whatever he had to say.  
  
“He'll be fine,” Victor said, “in a hell of a lot of pain for a while, but thankfully, nothing I couldn't fix.” He started going over the list of ailments, which included a broken arm, a couple of cracked ribs, internal bleeding, (that had been stopped, so one less thing to worry about) and a decent sized gash on his forehead. “He's asking for you,” he told Emma, “but don't expect too much from him. He's pretty out of it.”  
  
“You want us to come with you?” Mary Margaret asked.  
  
“No.” She wanted to see him, and she didn't want everyone hovering. Victor led her to the room and she took a quick look. Killian almost looked like he was sleeping. For a moment, she stepped back, afraid of breaking down when she needed to be strong. He didn't need to see her crying, he was hurt enough.  
  
“Go on,” Victor said, “he was adamant that he see you. I promise, he's okay.”  
  
Emma nodded and walked into the room, stopping at his bedside. She slipped her hand into his, and smiled when she felt him curl his fingers around hers. It wasn't a tight grip, but it was something, and that meant he was alive. His left arm was in a cast, and the gash on his forehead had a good number of stitches in it.  
  
Slowly, he turned his head to look at her, a weak smile forming on his face, “hey beautiful.” It was almost a whisper, as if talking itself was painful.   
  
But he was alive.  
  
“Hey,” she replied, a couple tears escaping.  
  
“Guess I was the one who should have stayed in with friends.” He laughed, then winced in pain.  
  
“Maybe you should stop laughing at your own bad jokes,” she scolded, leaning over to kiss him softly.  
  
“That bastard hit me on purpose,” Killian stated.  
  
“Yeah,” she agreed, “I'm sure he did. Unfortunately, you're the one who got hurt.”  
  
“So much for karma,” he sighed. “Emma?”  
  
“I’m here,” she told him, squeezing his hand.  
  
“Can you just...stay?” He asked.  
  
“Let me get a chair,” she said, “I'll stay as long as you need me.”  
  
“No,” he frowned, “with me.”  
  
“Well who else would I stay with?” She giggled.  
  
“No,” he was getting frustrated. “With me,” he said it again, “at my house. Move in? For real?”  
  
“Killian...” The guy was delusional, she decided, he'd forget all about whatever he said tomorrow.  
  
“Just think about it,” he said.  
  
“Okay,” she promised, “I'll think about it.”  
  
Was he crazy?  
  
***  
Neal had done it on purpose. Of course, that was difficult to prove, but right now he was locked up, and had a court date to answer for, which meant the guy was _not_ going to have a fun weekend.  
  
“Is he stupid?” Regina asked. When everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at her, she rolled her eyes. “It was a rhetorical question. All I'm saying is, there are easier ways to take someone out. Only an idiot would try and run someone off the road.”  
  
“We don't know that's what happened,” David said.  
  
“Are you kidding?” Mary Margaret asked, “Because it doesn't take half a brain to put two and two together here. Both of them came to the hospital, and only one of them walked out looking like a smug bastard.”  
  
“MM is swearing,” Ruby stated, “That means shit hit the fan.”  
  
“Everyone’s going to be fine,” David said, “just let me do my job, okay?” With a sigh, he left the group to go talk to Killian.  
  
Emma was sitting in a chair, one hand holding Killian's, and the other, combing through his hair. They were talking quietly, and David really didn't want to interrupt, but he knew he had to talk to his friend.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said. Both of them looked towards the door. “Emma, I need to borrow Killian for a few minutes.”  
  
“Okay,” she nodded, kissing Killian's forehead before getting up and leaving. She went back out to the waiting room, and her friends practically ran to her.  
  
“How is he Emma?” Mary Margaret asked.  
  
“He’s pretty beat up,” she said, “but okay.”  
  
“Thank God,” Ruby sighed, “can we talk about justifiable homicide now?”  
  
“That's not how it works,” Regina informed her.  
  
“No one would miss him,” Ruby stated.  
  
“What did he think would happen?” Mary Margaret asked, “That you'd go running to him?”  
  
“Who knows,” Emma shrugged, “all that matters is that he's stuck for the weekend at the very least, and Killian's okay.” She sat down, and the women gave her space, but sat near her. The conversation lulled for a bit, and then Emma spoke again, “he wants me to move in with him.”  
  
“You practically have,” Ruby said.  
  
“It’s temporary.”  
  
“Sounds like he doesn't want it to be,” Regina pointed out the obvious.  
  
“Regina’s got a point,” Mary Margaret added, “Ruby too. You've been there a little over a week, and I could tell from the beginning that he didn't want to let you go.”  
  
“I told him I'd think about it.” She said, “I mean, I just got out of a marriage... shouldn't I give living on my own a try first?”  
  
“You did that when you were in New York,” Mary Margaret reminded her, “it was only a few months, but you've kind of been there, done that.”  
  
“And you're happy there...” Ruby said in an almost sing song voice, “I see you two just about every morning, coming in for coffee and bagels, all cute with your smiles and stuff.”  
  
“But what if it doesn't last?” Emma asked. A couple good weeks didn't equal a lifetime of happiness.  
  
“But what if it does?” Mary Margaret asked.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Killian home, Emma thinks about his offer. Neal is in jail for the time being, but what will happen when he gets out?

Sunday morning, Killian went home, and Emma stayed right by his side. Neither mentioned Neal or his involvement in the accident once David had finished his questioning.

Monday morning, David called Emma and told her to stay home. Neal had been transferred to the county jail, his father refusing to bail him out a second time.

She spent most of her day watching Netflix with Killian, who slept through most of it. Taking care of him was difficult, stubborn as he was, he refused to tell her what he needed.

“I don't want to be a bother, Swan,” he insisted.

“It's no bother,” she rolled her eyes, “I'm here, so just enjoy it.”

“Why _are_ you still here?” He asked.

“What?” His question caught her off guard. Did he want her to go?

“Don't take it the wrong way, sweetheart,” he said, “I'm enjoying your company, and love having you here. What I don't understand is why you're staying when Neal's locked up. I mean...the other day, it seemed like you were ready to go, and I guess I'm just a little confused.”

“I'm not leaving you here to fend for yourself,” she stated, “even if that's exactly what you've been trying to do all day.”

“I meant it when I asked you to stay ,” he said, “and I know I sprung it on you rather quickly. I don't want you to think I'll be mad or offended if you'd rather go back to Dave's. It's an open offer. Just think about it, and when you're ready, let me know.”

She _had_ thought about it. A lot. In fact, she'd gone over it a million times with Mary Margaret while Killian was in the hospital. She loved him, and even though things seemed to moving at breakneck speed, they had a good thing going.

But was she really ready to take that leap, or was she just comfortable with the routine they'd built together?

He smiled at her, and then flipped through some channels on the television.

That was it? No trying to convince her? Begging? Yelling?

She just wasn't used to that.

If she wanted to be technical, they'd been together since grade school, only to have a ten year break before finding each other again. Were things ever really that simple? What if things changed? What if they went downhill? What if he decided he really didn't want her anymore?

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“About what?”

“Me.”

“Yes.” he said it without hesitation, and while it shouldn't have surprised her, it did. Even with Neal causing problems, and now, actually trying to hurt them, Killian was sure.

“Even with all the drama being with me brings?” She asked. “He could have killed you, and we both know he's only gone this far because of me.”

“He'll leave eventually,” Killian said, “whether he just gets bored or if he actually gets locked up, he'll leave. It would be stupid to give up on us simply because he's making a nuisance of himself.”

She already felt terrible that he'd gotten hurt because of her, if anything else happened, she'd never be able to live with herself. “I can't do this to you, Killian. I can't let him keep hurting you.”

“Emma-”

“Do you really think it'll stop?” She asked, “even if he leaves, his father is involved, and he hates both of us-”

“Stop,” he said, “don't talk like that. Don't let this asshole run your life. If you give him what he wants, he'll just keep making more demands. Is that any way to live?”

“No,” she frowned, “but I could have lost you, and that scares the shit out of me.”

“You won't lose me,” he assured her, “not to him. But if you insist on running-”

“I'll definitely lose you,” tears started falling as she realized how ridiculous she sounded, “I don't want you to get hurt though. Not on my account.”

“Come here.” With a little wince, he brought up his good arm, wrapping it around her as she settled next to him.

“I _want_ to be here,” she said, “I don't want to give up...” She had to stop running every time things got difficult, she knew that, but running was always so much easier. Loving him could kill him, but leaving him would destroy both of them. If the last ten years weren't proof of that, she didn't know what was.

“Let me worry about him,” he said, “right now, he can't hurt us. Just remember that.”

***

“I'm moving,” Emma told Mary Margaret just three days later. “He took a chance on me, so it's my turn to take a leap of faith.”

“Really?” Mary Margaret was grinning from ear to ear.

“I love him,” Emma said, “and...I know a huge part of me was just scared because of everything that's happened. But I'm sick of running and hiding when the going gets tough. I want to be with Killian and I've gotta stop holding back.”

When Killian told her to just let him know, he hadn't expected the quick turnaround time. Neither had Emma. But, she had mulled it over for those three days, and he had left her to it. Just an open offer with no strings attached, no ultimatums and no pressure.

“What changed your mind?” Mary Margaret asked.

“He left it up to me,” Emma answered. Unlike Neal, Killian was content to move at her pace. All he asked was that she didn't give up on them. That made all the difference in the world to her.

“How very Killian,” Mary Margaret giggled.

“We got a restraining order against Neal,” emma said, “though, I'm not really sure what a piece of paper is going to do, but Killian insisted.”

“He's already crossed the line,” Mary Margaret said, “and he might walk right through that order, but it'll be worse for him now that you have it.”

“Still gotta wait for court,” she groaned, “and on that note, I've got this guy who I'm sure has woken from his little nap and is now waiting very patiently for lunch.”

“How _is_ the patient?” Mary Margaret laughed.

“A pain in the ass,” emma rolled her eyes and smiled, “so it's a good thing he's cute.”

The two exchanged goodbyes and Emma made her way to Granny's. Ruby greeted her cheerfully when she walked up to the counter, but was cut off by someone sitting in one of the booths.

“Where's your boyfriend, Miss Swan?” Gold asked. His tone was dripping with sarcasm, and the smirk on his face had her on edge.

“Why do you care?” She tried her best to sound annoyed, rather than scared, but her voice shook.

“I _do_ hope his recovery is going well,” Gold snickered.

“That's enough from the peanut gallery!” Ruby shouted.

Emma sighed, grateful for Ruby's interruption. Turning towards her friend, she smiled, “lunch ready?”

“Just what you ordered!” Ruby grinned.

“Pops! thought I'd find you here!”

Emmas stomach dropped as she and Ruby both looked at the new customer. When the hell had he gotten out, and why the hell hadn't David told her?

***

“Unacceptable!” David shouted into the phone, “I specifically requested notification when you released him!”

Emma had never seen him so pissed. Even Killian was looking a little worried for his friend. After a heated conversation, David slammed the phone down. “I'm sorry guys,” david apologized, “if I'd known, I would have told you.”

“They served him in jail,” Emma stated, “he saw me in the diner, and he stayed, like he didn't even care that it could get him in trouble. he even tried to start shit, but I just left.”

“I've got eyes on him,” David promised.

“Thanks, mate,” Killian said, “this isn't your fault, and we hate to drag you into this-”

“It's my job,” David reminded him, “and I don't care if he's looking at you funny. Call me and I'll put him away for violating a court order.”

“Thank you,” Emma smiled, but the knot in her stomach was only growing. Neal really didn't care about a piece of paper, just as she'd predicted. How long would it be before he did something crazy again?


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian and Emma talk about their past in hopes of letting go and starting a future.

_“Of all the people you could talk to, you pick Neal?” Ruby glared at him as he walked away._

_“He was just being nice,” Emma rolled her eyes._

_“You know he's always had a huge crush on you,” Ruby warned, “so we all know that he's trying to get to you-”_

_“Since Killian and I broke up?” Emma snapped._

_“Emma-”_

_“Don't 'Emma' me,” she shouted, “yes, we broke up. I'm sure everyone in the fucking world is aware of it, because no one can stop talking about it. He's gone, okay? He made his choice, and good for him.”_

_“More like you made it for him,” Ruby sighed. “He would have stayed for you-”_

_“And thrown away his entire future. I did him a favor. Now, can we drop it? I already have to see Doctor Hopper on a weekly basis, and one shrink is enough.”_

_She'd spent the remainder of the last school year fighting with Killian, going to therapy, and hiding from the world. Her summer hadn't been much different. Therapy wasn't working, Killian was trying not to lose patience, and she was just making everything worse. In the end, she convinced him they'd just grown apart, and let him go._

_It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do, but she could see how her problems were destroying him, and she just couldn't do that anymore. He deserved better, and she'd only hold him back._

_Two days after he left, she wound up in the hospital. David had found her, unconscious, after she attempted to take her own life._

_The rest of the summer was spent in a hospital, where doctors were constantly keeping an eye on her, asking her how she felt, and insisting her stay would help her in the long run._

_All it helped her do was figure out how to say the right things, so she could go home._

_Her parents wouldn't have her. Despite it all, the Jones' offered their home once again, but they reminded her so much of all that she'd lost that she couldn't bring herself to stay with them. David had saved her, letting her have a couch in the apartment he shared with Robin. It was crowded, and almost never empty, giving David peace of mind, and Emma, some semblance of family._

_She didn't venture out, and didn't talk to anyone other than David, and occasionally Robin. Her sessions with Doctor Hopper now consisted of him trying to get her to talk, and her, barely even listening to him. She knew it was a waste of time, but one of the conditions of her release was that she continue her sessions, and she didn't want to get locked up again._

_So now she was at school and actually interacting with people. Why it mattered who she said hello to, she couldn't understand. Killian had moved on. Doctor Hopper insisted she try, as did her friends. So why did they lecture her when that was exactly what she was doing?_

_***_

_Killian had learned how to numb the pain with booze, and then, he learned how to function while numb. Still, school reminded him so much of Emma, that he dropped out and started playing ball in the minors. How he played so well when he was drunk almost seven days a week was a mystery to him, but he hid it well. It was something he learned quickly, seeing as people usually frowned on underage drinking._

_It wasn't until about mid season, that someone took notice. He'd played a particularly bad game after a night of heavy drinking, and the manager, of all people, figured it all out._

_Instead of receiving a reprimand and an ultimatum though, Killian got what he needed most; help. The guy took him under his wing, helped him sober up and work through everything. In almost no time at all, Killian was back on top._

_No one was surprised when people really started paying attention to him._

_Still, he missed Emma more than anything, and at the end of the season, despite their best efforts to keep him, Killian returned home._

_Come to find out, Emma had left town. With Neal._

***

They had spent countless hours talking about everything. Emma was the one who suggested it, surprising him once again. He knew it would be difficult, talking about painful memories they had long since buried, but if they truly wanted to move on, letting go of all the past heartaches was the best way to do it.

His heart almost stopped when she told him about her suicide attempt. David had told him she wasn't doing well, but he never mentioned how bad it had gotten.

“I should have been there,” he said, “not playing around in California.”

“Don't do that,” she said, “we're not doing this to feel guilty.” Even though, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't feeling guilty about destroying his baseball dreams.

“I know, love,” he said softly, “I just hate that I left you like that-”

She kissed him so he would stop talking, not wanting him to continue talking himself down. They had both made mistakes, and they were working on fixing them, and building a life together. If they couldn't let go, everything they bottled up would boil over, causing another blowout. After she pulled away, she sighed, “I feel awful too,” she confessed, “you could have been some star baseball player, but instead, you came back to find me. And that only hurt you more.”

“I already told you though,” he said, “I'm happy here. I love what I do. I also love having someone to come home to. Especially when she insists on taking such good care of me.”

“Don't get used to it,” she rolled her eyes, “as soon as you're feeling better, I'm taking a break.”

“I'd like to say I can make it up to you by cooking some amazing meals when I'm well, but I really don't know how to do much more than operate a microwave,” He laughed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“No more guilt,” she said, “promise?”

“Promise,” he nodded, “you too?”

“Me too.”

He was just about to kiss her when the doorbell rang. “Just ignore it,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

Killian wasn't going to argue with that logic, ignoring the door, and turning his full attention to her.

The bell rang a couple more times before Killian groaned in annoyance. Emma pulled away, and with a little giggle, kissed him on the cheek. “I'll get it.” She got up and answered the door, seeing a very upset looking David. “David? What are you doing here?”

“Do you know how to answer your phone?” He scolded, “we've been trying to get in touch with you!”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal's up to no good, and Killian and Emma don't exactly see eye to eye on how to deal with it.

Emma opened the security screen and let David in. His disposition was a little worrying, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. After locking up, she reclaimed her seat next to Killian, while David pulled a chair over and sat down across from them.

“What's wrong, mate?” Killian asked.

“Ruby's missing,” David sighed, “And we have reason to believe Neal's involved.”

“Ruby has nothing to do with any of this,” Emma said. If it was Neal, then that meant every one of her friends was a target. It couldn't be Neal. Because if it was, things were so much worse than she thought.

“What makes you think Neal's involved?” Killian asked.

David frowned, “There was a commotion early this morning at Granny's. They were both involved. I got there in time to break it up, so I don't know exactly what was said, but according to witnesses, some threats were made.”

“That's a pretty good reason to believe he's involved,” Killian stated.

“This is all my fault,” Emma groaned.

“It's not your fault, Emma-”

“Don't tell me that!” She shouted, “First he goes after Killian, and now, my group of friends? The only reason any of you are targets is because of me!”

“He's crazy,” David reasoned, “You know that.”

“He didn't even want me,” she said, “it wasn't until his stupid whore dumped him that he started coming after me again. If I hadn't been working things out with Killian, he probably would have gotten bored and moved on.”

“But we all seem to want what we can't have,” Killian added, “So what do we do?”

“We?” David shook his head, “we do nothing. I am working on finding out where Neal's holed up. You two need to just stay safe. In fact, you're both coming with me, because I'm not sure leaving you here without protection is a good idea.”

“David-”

“I mean it, Emma. You and Killian are coming to the station. If Neal calls one of you, we can work with that. If he doesn't, well, we've still got a team out there. They'll find her, and she'll be fine.”

Killian could hear it in his friend's voice. The man was trying to reassure them, but he himself was terrified beyond belief. “I think we should listen to Dave,” he finally said, grateful when Emma didn't argue.

***

The sun was down before Neal called. No one expected him to call the station, but that was the phone that rang. David quickly set it up so they could all hear. One of his deputies started recording the call, and another began trying to trace it.

“Ruby’s fine,” Neal said, “for now. If this call ends and I'm not happy, I can't guarantee her safety.”

“And what would make you happy, Neal?” David asked, as calmly as possible.

“I want to talk to Emma,” he said, “alone. Face to face.”

“You know we can't do that,” David said, “there's a court order-”

“Fuck the court order!” Neal exclaimed, “I know she's there! Let her make her own damn decisions. It's up to you, Emma. Either come talk to me, or Ruby is going to have a rough night. Don't think I'll stop at her either. You have lots of friends who can suffer. Do you really want to kill them all?”

“Neal-”

“Okay!” Emma interrupted. When David looked at her, she shook her head, “Don't tell me no. This doesn't have to escalate.”

“Good girl,” Neal chuckled, “I knew going after your friends would get you to pay attention to me. By the docks by eight.” He hung up and the deputy working on the trace groaned when the signal died.

“What the hell was that?” David slammed the phone down. “You _know_ that he's not going to just talk.”

“We _just_ need to get Ruby back,” Emma said, “he'll hurt her if we try anything else. Just let me do this.”

“Absolutely not!” Killian insisted, “Emma, he'll hurt you. He wants you to go with him, and when he finds out that's not in the cards, he'll make sure we don't get you back.”

She knew that, but she also couldn't let Neal continue to torment them. “So we make the exchange,” she said, “I talk to him and keep him distracted long enough for David to take him down.”

“It could work,” one of the deputies said, “one of us goes with her to make the exchange while the rest surround him. Once he's distracted, which you know he will be after getting what he wants, it shouldn’t be too difficult to arrest him.”

“There's one problem with your plan,” Killian said, “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let you put Emma in harm’s way!”

“Killian, we can't let him hurt Ruby-“

“No.”

“What do you think will happen if they go in there, guns blazing?” She asked, “he'll use her as a human shield, or he'll just kill her himself.”

“And who's to say he won't just kill you the second he gets his hands on you?” Killian asked.

“He won't,” she assured him, “he doesn't want me dead, he wants me to be with him. I can do this.”

“Killian's right,” David sighed, “it's risky.”

“David, let me help,” she begged, “please? I know you won't let anything happen to me.”

She could see he was considering it, and wanted to kick Killian when he spoke up again. “Dave, no.” The guy was lucky he was injured.

“Okay,” she sighed, “how about we let me decide what I want to do, and if David says okay, you just butt out?” She hated sounding so harsh, and she understood why he was so adamant about her not taking the risk, but this was Ruby. She had to do everything in her power to save her friend. “If he thinks he's won, his guard _will_ be down.”

“We've got a few hours,” David nodded, “let's see if we can come up with a plan that involves all of us getting home tonight.”

***

Neal called two more times with additional instructions, including an exact location and details on how the exchange would go. Killian wouldn't look at Emma or David during either call. He sat silently away from the group that was huddled around one of the desks as they went over the plan. A special team had been called in to handle Neal's capture after Ruby was free, leaving David free to keep an eye on Emma and Ruby.

“Killian,” David got his friend's attention, “you're staying here with my deputies.” The two deputies began to protest, but David stopped them, “we have our team in position. Killian's injured, and I can't have him out there. We need to take precautions, and there's no telling what else Neal has planned. I don't want him to be a sitting duck.”

“And Emma isn't?” Killian muttered.

“Guys,” David nodded at his deputies, “I've got a few things we need to discuss.” He headed towards one of the interrogation rooms, and two, confused deputies followed.

“Please don't hate me,” Emma whispered, once they were alone.

“I don't,” he said, but he still wouldn't look at her.

“Killian, she's my friend. You know I can't just stand by-”

Finally, he turned to look at her, but his expression wasn't a welcome one. “That's exactly what you should do!” He shouted, “Dave would have found another way if you hadn't been so fucking persistent!”

“This is happening because of me!” She shouted back, tears falling freely, but she didn’t care. “I'm part of the problem, so it's only fair that I make an effort to be part of the solution! You think I'm trying to prove something? That I'm not scared shitless? I'm fucking terrified! But I'm doing this. She would do the same for me.”

“I can't lose you! I know it's selfish, but I can't-”

“You're not going to lose me,” her voice softened, “David will _not_ let that happen.”

Killian stood and moved closer to her. “I still don't like this,” he said, “but I know you have to do what you feel is right. I won't say I'm not mad, because I'm bloody pissed, but I'm sorry I yelled, and I don't hate you. I could never hate you.” He brought his hand up to cradle her face, thumbing at the tears that were still falling. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, “and I sorry I have to do this. I'm sorry I got snippy and yelled-”

He closed the distance and crushed his lips to hers, taking her breath away as he kissed her fiercely, pouring everything he felt into it. Once she caught up, she gave as good as she got, telling him everything she couldn't find the words for.

David cleared his throat, and the two separated. “Sorry,” he said, “but it's time to move.”

Killian hugged her and kissed her cheek. “Please be careful,” he whispered.

“I will,” she promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that escalated quickly...


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Emma put the plan in motion, and everything that can go wrong, seems to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left you guys hanging for a couple days. Sorry! Going through some caffeine withdrawals, the kid demands attention, and I had an exam to take. This is the last week of class before I'm off until the new year, so one more paper and exam left!

“Alright Nolan!” Neal held Ruby close, using her as a shield, “weapons on the ground! You know how this works.”

David complied, and gave Emma a reassuring look. It wasn't very reassuring.

Neal tossed a bag towards them, “flex cuffs! Tie her up. Can't have her trying anything stupid.”

“That wasn't part of the deal,” David tried to remain calm.

“Do it!” Neal brought the gun to Ruby's temple.

“It's okay David,” Emma said.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered as he pulled the cuffs out of the bag.

“Nice and tight,” Neal instructed. When he was satisfied that Emma wasn't going to be able to fight, he instructed David to send her over. “Stay back,” he told the sheriff, “and don't even think about doing anything stupid.”

Emma made her way towards Neal and Ruby, stopping just short of them. “Okay, Neal. I'm here, let's talk.”

“Don't think so, sweetheart,” he laughed, “I'm not an idiot. Come closer.” When she hesitated, he screamed, “now!”

“Okay,” she nodded, inching closer. As soon as she was within reach, Neal shoved Ruby away and grabbed Emma, turning her around and pulling her against him. Ruby ran towards David, who quickly cut her loose and had her get into the cruiser.

“They'd shoot me if I didn't have you as insurance,” he said, pushing the gun against her head when David took a step forward. “You shoot me, you'll hit her too. You try to shoot me, and I'll kill her. Call off your little task force or she's dead.”

“There is no task force,” David lied.

“Don't screw with me Nolan!” Neal started backing away, “call them off and get out of here!”

“You said we were going to talk,” Emma said, trying to calm him down, “let's just talk Neal-”

“Not here, baby,” he said, “we're going on a little trip.”

“Do it David!” She shouted, “no one else has to get hurt!”

“That's a good girl,” Neal said into her ear, making her cringe. “Pops should be here any second.”

Emma watched as David called everyone off, her stomach feeling as if it was going to lose everything she'd eaten in the last twenty four hours. But if she didn't let Neal think he was winning, David would have no way of going after her, because she'd be dead.

The screeching tires caught David's attention, and he scrambled to get out of the way as Gold approached. Coming to a halt by Neal, the door popped open and Emma found herself being shoved inside.

There was still a gun to her head, and she knew David was stuck for the moment. Gold sped off, and Emma knew that Neal had no intention of staying in Storybrooke.

***  
“You _what_?” Killian was ready to kill his friend. “You let him get away with her?”

“I have to go,” David said, “keep an eye on Ruby.”

“They're getting away-”

“Killian!” David shouted, “they're not getting away! I've got back up. You need to calm down.”

He had planned for this, knowing that just about anything could go wrong. Neal was never one to make things easy, and they all knew he only wanted one thing, and he wouldn't stop until he had it. “He thinks he's taking her back to New York,” David said, “I'd explain everything, but I need to get back out there.” He didn't give Killian a chance to protest or say anything else, leaving the office to go meet his team at the town line.

***  
“Why?” Emma asked, “why are you helping Neal when you don't even like me? It's no secret that you never wanted him to be with me, so why help him now?”

Gold looked into the rear view, and gave emma a smile that made her stomach turn. “I've spent ten years regretting the fallout I had with my son. I may not like you, Miss Swan, but I'd be a fool to let him go again.”

“Where are you taking me?” She asked Neal, “somewhere secluded where they'll never find my body?”

“I'm not gonna kill you sweetheart,” Neal assured her, “I'm taking you home. Just wait and see, we'll be happy.”

“Because we were so happy when I _wasn't_ being forced against my will,” she rolled her eyes, “you didn't want me-”

“I made a mistake!” He shouted, “dammit! You can forgive Killian, but I make one mistake and im condemned for life?”

“He didn't cheat on me!” She shouted back, “and he certainly never blamed me for things that were outside my control!”

Neal brought the gun back up to her head, “I don't want to hear you talk about him like he's some damned saint!”

“Okay,” she said, deciding that arguing would only get her killed faster, “what do you want from me?”

“I already told you,” he brought the gun back down, “I want you to come back with me and be happy. We were happy once, Emma. There's nothing that says we can't be happy again.”

Emma wanted to knock some sense into him. How in the hell did he think kidnapping her and forcing her to have a life with him would make her happy? If anything, she'd resent him more than she already did. “You're right,” she said, “there's nothing saying we can't be happy. But threatening me is kind of detrimental to your cause, don't you think? I mean, Stockholm Syndrome isn't really a declaration of love and happiness...”

“You wouldn't listen to me,” he said, “I only wanted to talk, and you shut me out.”

“Can you blame me?” She asked, relieved that her Stockholm comment hadn't set him off again, “you were cruel to me. When you hurt someone that badly-”

“Shut up!” He shouted, twisting in his seat to look out the window. Emma saw the tell tale red and blue lights reflecting in the rear view. “Dammit! David really wants you to die, doesn't he? Step on it pops!”

Gold accelerated, making his way to the town line. As fast as they were moving, the trip seemed to take forever. Emma ducked down as best as she could when Neal leaned out the window and started shooting. “Stop it!” She cried, “please!”

Neal had been angry plenty of times, and Emma was no stranger to his temper, but this was a side of him she'd never seen before. It scared her to think that she had done this. If she hadn't been so adamant on playing games, ignoring him, and moving on, he probably wouldn't have crossed the line. Now, he was shooting at the cops behind them, one, who was probably her cousin, and it was all her fault.

“Almost there,” Gold hissed, trying his best to keep control of the car. Bullets were now coming their way, shattering glass and whizzing over Emma's head. She scrunched her body further down, trying desperately to find a little bit of safety.

It was almost like the chase scenes she'd seen in the movies, where mobsters and cops engaged in dangerous shootouts. Emma hoped they were close to the town line. The closer they were, the further they were from innocent bystanders.

Suddenly, she heard a screech, and the bullets stopped, but the car was careening out of control.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma wakes up thinking she's dead. Gold and Neal are alive, but badly broken. David feels guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt a little guilty for leaving everyone in the lurch, so here's a second chapter today!
> 
> Just a couple more and we'll be done!
> 
> Anyone catch the blink and you'll miss it House reference?

Emma wasn't quite sure what to think when she woke. The last thing she remembered was being thrown around when Gold crashed the car.   
  
_Oh god,_ she thought, _I'm dead.  
_  
It certainly explained the blinding light. Were Gold and Neal dead too? Or had they once again escaped unharmed?  
  
Tears started welling up, and she began to cry softly. If the light wasn't blinding enough, her tears made everything fuzzy.   
  
“Bloody hell,” she heard Killian say. Soon, someone was standing over her, and even though she couldn't focus, she knew it was him. Wait. Did he die too? That didn't make sense. He said something else, but she couldn't quite hear him.   
  
Another figure appeared on the other side of her, and soon, more sounds started filtering in. An obnoxious beeping noise and some sort of PA system. Heaven seemed to be quite annoying. Unless...this wasn't heaven. Oh god, she was in hell.   
  
“Why the bloody hell is she crying?” Killian sounded so close, yet far away. He was right there, but it was almost like he wasn't.   
  
“I don't know.” It was Victor, “she doesn't seem fully awake yet.”  
  
She tried to say something, but the words weren't coming. That was when she felt someone playing with her hair and kissing her forehead. What the hell was going on? “Relax, sweetheart.” Okay, it was Killian. “You're safe now.”  
  
Safe as in dead?   
  
“Are you dead too?” She finally managed to choke out.  
  
Someone laughed, it wasn't Killian, so it had to be Victor.   
  
“You're not dead,” Killian told her, “and neither are we.”  
  
“I didn't even have to operate,” Victor stated, “just some stitches, a mild concussion and a mean temper.”  
  
Slowly, everything started coming into focus. “I'm in the hospital?” Victor laughed again, and she scowled at him, “what's so fucking funny?”  
  
“You really don't remember?” Victor asked, “You were in here, trying to tell me how to do my job, calling me all sorts of names and insisting I release you immediately.”  
  
“Maybe I was a doctor in another lifetime,” she suggested, “but I don't remember any of that.”  
  
“You passed out eventually,” Victor informed her, “but it took a lot of painkillers to make that happen.”  
  
“Excuse me?” He did _not_ just admit to drugging her, did he?  
  
“He's making a joke, love,” Killian assured her, “but I hear you put up _quite_ the fight.”  
  
“What about Neal and his dad?” Emma asked. She hated wishing death on anyone, but life would be much simpler without them.  
  
“They'll live,” Victor stated. Well, so much for wishful thinking.  
  
“Behind bars,” Killian added. “Dave said as soon as they're patched up, they're going to jail. No bail this time.”  
  
“I'm keeping you here overnight because of that concussion,” Victor said, “and barring any new developments, I'll be sending you home tomorrow. But really, Emma, aside from the stitches, you're fine. Like I said, you've got a mild concussion, and while I'm no psychic, I really can't see it lasting longer than a couple days at most.” He checked a few more things before telling her to get some rest, then left the room.  
  
“Are you still mad?” She asked. He had every right to be. He had been against her involvement from the get go, and the fact that she was in the hospital only proved she should have listened to him.   
  
“Emma, you're lucky to be alive,” he said, “surviving a crash like that, with minimal damage, is quite the feat. Especially since you didn't have a belt on.”  
  
“Sorry...I should have listened to you...” She whispered. Yep. He was still pissed.   
  
“I'm not mad,” he said, “I'm too damn relieved to be angry. Besides, you did what you thought was right. Whether or not we agree on the method isn't the point. You were helping a friend. No one can fault you for that.”  
  
She looked at him for a minute, and realized he wasn’t just saying he wasn’t mad, he _really_ wasn’t mad. It didn’t make any sense. He had been right about everything, and should have been royally pissed off. “But-”   
  
“None of that,” he scolded, “Whale told you to rest, so rest. I'm not going anywhere.” He pulled a chair over and sat down, fully intending to stay put.  
  
***  
  
“Good morning, sunshine,” Victor whispered as Emma opened her eyes. “Any new medical advice for me today?”  
  
“I still don't remember that,” she mumbled.  
  
“It was pretty funny,” he grinned, “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Sore,” she said.   
  
“That's to be expected,” he said, “I'll get you a prescription for that. Can you sit up for me?”  
  
“Do I have to?” She complained.   
  
“Come on,” he laughed.   
  
“Where's Killian?” Emma asked as she reluctantly sat up.   
  
“Sleeping,” he nodded towards a chair that Killian had claimed as his bed. “He's going to be pretty sore when he wakes up too, but the nurses couldn't get him to leave. From what I've been told, I'm surprised they didn't sedate him.”  
  
“Oh,” she giggled, “Explains why we're whispering I guess.”  
  
“Alright,” he laughed, “eyes on the light.”   
  
Emma rolled her eyes and let Victor run his tests. “You gonna give me the bad news?”  
  
“Looks like you're going to live,” Victor quipped, “really Emma, you're fine. Lucky as hell, but fine.”  
  
“Oi!” Killian grumbled as he woke, “What the hell happened?”  
  
“You tell me,” Victor said, “the night gals said they were in this room every ten minutes until you knocked out.”  
  
“They must've slipped me something,” he growled, “I was only making sure Emma was okay.”  
  
“The machines are supposed to beep,” Victor told him, “it's when they start sounding alarms that you need to worry. Go ahead and lie back down, Emma. You've got some visitors, want me to send them in?”  
  
“Not really,” she said as she tried to make herself comfortable. “Can they just wait until I go home?” She didn't want to see anyone other than Killian at the moment. She was pretty sure there would be a commotion once she saw everyone, and right now, she didn’t feel like she could handle that.

  
“Okay,” he nodded, “I'll have someone bring you breakfast, and then we'll get working on getting you out of here.”  
  
Not long after she'd eaten, Emma was on her way out. Her friends had been waiting for her, and all crowded her the second she and Killian got to the lobby. David quickly pulled her away so he could talk to her without trying to talk over everyone else. “You're okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” she said, “I'm fine.”  
  
“I know you've been through the ringer, but there's a few things I wanted to talk to you about.”   
  
“Can we talk at home?” she asked.  
  
“Yeah,” David nodded.

  
***  


David wasted no time in relaying everything that had happened during and after the car chase. He seemed just as certain as everyone else that she was lucky to be alive. “Both Neal and his father are looking at a decent amount of time behind bars.”  
  
“How did I get out of there alive?” she asked, “I mean, I know why I didn't get shot, but I should at the very least be a bit more broken.”   
  
“I don't know, Emma,” David said, pulling up pictures of the car on his cellphone. It was a complete wreck, and a wonder that _any_ of them got out alive. “What matters though, is that you did.”  
  
He continued to tell her about the case they were building, and how Gold had almost died on site. Neal had slipped into a coma, but was expected to make it. Both would be taken in the minute the doctor cleared them.   
  
“I'm sorry,” David said, “I know it was your choice to help us, but I should have said no. I should have realized that everything could go horribly wrong, and I mean...I _did,_ and I planned for it, but things got a lot worse than I'd imagined, and you know how I always plan for the worst. I know you trusted me to keep you safe, Emma, and I failed.”  
  
“You didn't fail,” she said, “I'm here, and I'm alive, and that bastard is getting exactly what he deserves.”  
  
“Emma-”  
  
“It's over, David,” she smiled, “we won the battle. There's probably going to be a long war ahead of us, because you and I both know how wonderful the legal system can be, but right now, we're on top.”  
  
“She's right, mate,” Killian shrugged, “even if we have to wait forever and a day for this to go to trial, those two will be sitting behind bars while they wait.”  
  
“You're right,” David said, “but don't try and convince me that using you as bait is a good idea ever again. Okay?”  
  
“Don't worry about that one,” Emma laughed, “Just tell Ruby to keep out of trouble from now on.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has nightmares, and tries to drown her demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter, I've got two more after this. Seriously, for those who bookmark, comment and leave kudos, thank you so much! MUAH!

Eventually, ribs healed, casts and stitches were removed, and pain faded away.   
  
Nightmares, however, seemed to plague Emma almost nightly. Killian did his best to comfort her, but as time wore on, he could see she wasn't sleeping as much. He'd walk into the living room in the middle of the night to find her barely conscious, watching an obnoxious announcer shout about vacuums or some other nonsense. Usually, she'd have a bottle of alcohol to accompany her, whatever poison she felt would kill the demons.   
  
He couldn't let her continue doing this to herself. She never talked about the nightmares, but he was pretty sure he knew what they consisted of.  
  
“Emma?” He asked, not sure if she was still awake or if she'd already slipped into a dreamless, alcohol induced sleep. It wasn't as late as usual, barely ten, but she was already settled in for a long night in front of the television.   
  
“I'm awake,” she said, barely loud enough for him to hear.   
  
Killian sat next to her on the couch, and noticed that tonight, there was no bottle accompanying her. “Sweetheart, why don't you come to bed?”  
  
“I can't,” she sniffled.

Not every night was bad, but the thought of sleep was a discomforting one. He understood, having fought his own demons, but it was killing him to see her suffering so badly.  
  
“I'm right there,” he said, “Emma...please talk to me. It's been two months now, and I'm worried about you. Though, I'm glad you've decided against the alcohol tonight.”  
  
“Only because I don't want to be hung-over tomorrow,” she said. “I can't make them go away, Killian. Unless I drown it all out, the nightmares get worse and worse.”  
  
“You've been through hell,” he said, “but booze and sleep deprivation are only going to make things worse in the long run.” It was a touchy subject. They'd been down this road before. The situation may have been different, but the way she bottled everything up was the same.   
  
“I know,” she said, “but I don't know what else to do.”  
  
“You could talk to someone-”  
  
“Please don't tell me I need therapy,” she interrupted, “I can't handle another trip to the crazy house.”  
  
“I meant me,” he pulled her close and held her tight, “and you're not crazy, so don't start that.” She started crying, and he decided that was a start. If she cried, it meant the words would come eventually.  
  
“Okay,” she whispered, pulling away and looking up at him. “Killian?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Do you think they'll stop?” She asked.   
  
“They'll fade eventually,” he said, “but you have to remember that I'm here. Talk to me. Maybe the whole reason you can't shake them is because you're letting them control you.”  
  
“I'm not crazy, right?”   
  
“Not even close,” he assured her, “come on, why don't we shut off the television and go to bed?”  
  
***  
Emma was exhausted by the time she returned home the next day. She had stayed up half the night telling Killian all about her nightmares, finally falling asleep around two in the morning.   
  
Even though she hadn't slept long, it was the first night since the incident that she'd been able to sleep peacefully. When she woke, she was exactly where Killian promised she'd be; safe in his arms.   
  
It was a start.   
  
“Hey sweetheart,” he said as she walked into the kitchen. He was standing over the sink, pouring alcohol out. It looked as if he’d just started, most of the bottles were still pretty full, like he thought he had more time to empty everything. Of all the days to come home early.  
  
“Why are you just pouring money down the drain?” She asked.   
  
“Sorry,” he frowned, “I just couldn't stand to see you becoming so dependent on it. I should have done it a long time ago.”  
  
“Stop,” she walked up to him and grabbed the bottle he was pouring out, “I promise I'll stay away from it. Just...give it to someone else. No sense in wasting it.”  
  
“Are you sure?” He asked.   
  
“Yeah,” she nodded, “you were right. Trying to kill my demons with booze and sleep deprivation was a bad idea.”  
  
She wanted things to go back to the way they were before all the drama with Neal. Being drunk 24/7 wasn't going to help make that happen. They both knew that it wouldn't take long for drunken nights to melt into drunken days. She knew he'd been there once before, and at one point, she was pretty close to being there too. It wasn't a path she wanted to continue down.  
  
“How was work?” He asked, changing the subject.   
  
“Not bad,” she shrugged, “boring, as usual.”  
  
“You should quit,” he suggested.   
  
“And do what?” She laughed, “I'm not like you. I don't have some fancy degree, so I'll take what I can get.” She had some college under her belt, but Neal had convinced her it was a waste of time. (God, why had she ever listened to him?) She'd gotten lucky in New York, landing a job that had decent pay, but Storybrooke was tiny, and there wasn't much to do unless you had a degree, wanted to commute, or were smart enough to run your own business.   
  
“Do whatever makes you happy,” he said, “and don't try telling me that twiddling your thumbs at the station makes you happy.”  
  
“At least I'm in good company there,” she smiled. “But I don't want to be there forever. Still, there isn't much else around here, and I don't even know what I want to do.” For almost ten years, she had worked at an insurance company, and she knew, for damn sure, that she didn't want to go back to that. It was worse than twiddling her thumbs, and she hated most of her coworkers in the stupid building.  
  
Killian wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close, “you'll find something.”  
  
Emma thought about it for bit, “I'm happy with you.”

He seemed to like that answer.

The nightmares eventually faded into nothing.

Three months later, he threw caution to the wind and proposed.

This time, she didn't freak out, and definitely didn't need to think about it.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma drives Ruby crazy, dragging her from doctor to doctor for some insight. Killian tells her she's a terrible patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose we can count this as epilogue one.

**Six Months Later...**  
  
“You are the only person I know who gets a second opinion on good news,” Ruby teased.   
  
“Technically, we're on opinion three,” Emma reminded her, “I just want to be sure.”  
  
“You should be worrying about your wedding. Seriously, who does this stuff a week before they get married? You've got a million things on your plate, and we're here, in a doctor’s office, about to hear something we already know. Geez Emma, the last two doctors said there was nothing wrong with you.”  
  
“Then how did I lose two babies?” Emma asked, “I mean, I know they can't come up with any answers on what happened years ago, and maybe the last one _was_ just a fluke, but to tell me there's nothing wrong with me? It just doesn't work that way.”  
  
Two doctors told her she was fine. That should have been enough, but it almost seemed too good to be true.   
  
“Okay,” Ruby sighed, “I get where you're coming from. But Emma, if this doctor says you're fine, then can you just believe her?”  
  
“What's taking so long?” Emma grumbled, wanting this conversation to be done with.   
  
“She's probably trying to find out why you need a third opinion,” Ruby joked, “I mean it Emma, you're fine. I don't want you calling me from the honeymoon suite asking me to accompany you to some appointment for yet another opinion. Get married, go to Ireland, and come back telling me you didn't see one damn shamrock because you were too busy making babies all week.”  
  
Emma was about to say something, but a knock on the door signaled the doctor's return. When the woman came in, Emma didn't hesitate to bombard her with questions. “That took a little longer than usual. Is everything okay?”  
  
“Oh for the love of God!” Ruby silenced her friend, then looked at the doctor, “I'm sure you already know you're the third opinion. Can you please just tell my friend she's fine so she can go tell her almost husband she's fine? She's going on her honeymoon in a week, and if she's got any doubt, they might actually go sightseeing instead of doing what you're supposed to do on a honeymoon.”  
  
“You're fine, Emma,” the doctor said, “and I'm not just saying that because I feel slightly threatened by your friend.”  
  
“So what happened?” Emma asked, “I obviously wasn't fine then, so why am I fine now?”  
  
“There are a million and one reasons things happen,” she answered, “I wish I had the answers you're looking for, but unfortunately, you're asking the impossible.”  
  
“Oh.” Emma figured she was asking the impossible, but hated the idea that she might never know what went wrong.   
  
“There's nothing wrong with you,” the doctor said again, “there's no reason to think that you can't have a full term, healthy baby.”  
  
“See?” Ruby said, “So go make babies.”  
  
“Excuse my friend,” Emma groaned, “she's known for indecent remarks about everything. But you'll call right? If something comes back from the lab and says otherwise?”   
  
The doctor just laughed off Ruby’s comment, “I've heard worse, and yes, I will call you either way. Enjoy your honeymoon, and don't worry about taking time off to go sightseeing.”  


***  


Seven weeks. How in the hell hadn't she noticed? Wedding stress, she supposed. As if that wasn't enough, now she had a million new things to worry about.   
  
How was she going to tell Killian?   
  
It wasn't a bad thing, quite the opposite actually, but it was still unnerving. She thought she'd have time to prepare, and actually _talk_ to Killian before they even attempted starting a family. Not that they hadn't discussed it, but the conversations usually ended with both of them deciding they just weren't sure yet.   
  
Of course she hadn't even told him about her mission to find out if she could even have kids, but she figured she would tell him when she got an answer. Then, six months and three answers later, she was holding a picture of a bitty little thing that resembled a peanut.   
  
She smiled a little, looking at the picture, hoping beyond hope that this one would be okay.   
  
“Are you even listening to me?”  
  
Emma jumped at the sound of Killian's voice and quickly folded and slipped the picture she had been staring at into her pocket. When the hell did he get home?   
  
“Are you alright?” He asked.  
  
Sooner, rather than later was usually best, right? “Sorry,” she said, “I didn't hear you come in.”  
  
“I asked if you and Ruby had a good time,” he repeated himself. How many times had he asked? “Emma? Is something wrong?”  
  
God dammit, what had she told him this time? She was in such a fog, she couldn't remember what she and Ruby were _supposed_ to be doing. “I didn't go to the movies,” she said.  
  
“I know,” he laughed, “because you said you were going to go look for shoes, remember?”   
  
“I didn't do that either,” she frowned, “nor did I go wine tasting two months ago, and four months before that, we didn't go baby shopping for Mary Margaret. Well, that wasn't the main reason we went out, anyway...”  
  
“Okay,” he nodded, making his way over to the couch and sitting next to her. “So...I know you've been going out with Ruby. What could you two possibly be doing that you don't want me to find out about?”  
  
“You caught me,” she smirked, “Ruby and I are super spies and we've been working on top secret missions-”  
  
“You're bloody ridiculous,” he laughed, pulling her towards him. “Why don't you tell me what's really got you acting so strange? What have you and Ruby been up to?”  
  
“Trying to figure out what's wrong with me,” she said, “I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want you to worry-”  
  
“Emma, there's nothing wrong with you,” he said.   
  
“That's what the first doctor said...”  
  
“First? Oh Emma, why do I get the feeling you've got quite the story for me?” He kissed the top of her head, and brushed his fingers up and down her arm, relieved when he felt her start to relax.   
  
“You know me too well.” Her voice was shaking, as if she were on the verge of tears, but it didn't stop her from letting out a little giggle. “It's just...we kept talking about starting a family, and I wanted to make sure I could actually do that.”  
  
“There are plenty of ways to have a family,” he said, “that's why we were talking about it. So, why don't you tell me about the first doctor?”  
  
“He said I was fine,” she said, “so naturally, I didn't believe him. It never hurts to get a second opinion anyway, so I saw another doctor, and she said I was fine.”  
  
“Let me guess,” he stopped her, “you didn't believe her either?”   
  
“Nope.”  
  
“I'm beginning to believe you really _were_ a doctor in another life, because you're a terrible patient.” When she flicked his shoulder, he laughed. “Alright Doctor Swan, finish your story.”  
  
“I didn't want to just take their word for it. I mean, what if I listened to them and it turned out they were wrong and I had to go through heartbreak all over again? I don't think I could handle a third loss.” She thought about the picture in her pocket, and the third doctor's assurance that everything looked good.   
  
“If you're not sure, love, we can try something else,” he said, “I'm not against other routes of becoming parents.”  
  
“I know,” she said, “and I'm not either. It's just, if I can have at least one...”  
  
“You'd like to give it a try,” he nodded, “I get that.”  
  
“So I dragged Ruby to a third doctor today,” she confessed.  
  
“What's the verdict?” He asked.   
  
“I wasn't trying to lie to you,” she stammered, “I just didn't want to get your hopes up before I was absolutely certain-”  
  
“You're stalling,” he said, “I understand your reasons, and I'm not mad about that. Though, if you were telling the truth about that super spy job, I'd be a little angry. Especially if you were running around dressed like Black Widow...”  
  
“Pervert.”  
  
“It's one of my more endearing qualities,” he teased, “now come on, tell me what doctor three said.”  
  
“She said I'm fine,” Emma sighed.   
  
“And you believe her?”  
  
“I have no choice.”  
  
“Ruby won't let you drag her around anymore?” He had to admit, the fact that Ruby had put up with Emma's need to analyze everything into oblivion was pretty funny.   
  
“Well...” She was pretty embarrassed about that one. “Let's just say she made sure to say all sorts of indecent things. I'm pretty sure I'm on some sort of blacklist now. Especially if I bring Ruby with me.”  
  
“So,” he twisted a few stray curls around his fingers and gave a little tug, “three doctors have told you you're fine. The rest is up to us I guess. What do you want to do?”  
  
Emma took a deep breath and slid her hand into her pocket, pulling out the now folded picture. She handed it to Killian, “pray I don't get violently ill on the airplane?”  
  
He opened up the picture and she watched as a huge grin formed on his face. “It's a peanut,” he said, “right?”  
  
“That's what I said!” She laughed.   
  
“So, you were so busy trying to figure out what was wrong with you, that you failed to realize you were pregnant?”  
  
“I guess fate was sick of me getting an obscene amount of opinions too,” she shrugged, “and doctor three says everything looks good. I mean, it's still early, but she said she'd keep an extra close eye on me. She wants to see me again before we leave. Probably because she knew I was going to bug her anyway.”  
  
“I’m sure that was her reasoning, you're quite persistent.”  
  
She grinned, knowing that he was right on the money with that observation. “I can’t help it. I feel kind of sorry for you, being stuck with such a pain in the ass for the rest of your life.”  
  
“I'm a glutton for punishment.”   
  
Emma figured he had to be if he willingly volunteered to put up with her.   
  
“Do you think it's a boy peanut, or a girl peanut?” He asked, studying the picture like he thought the answer would reveal itself, “and are you sure there's only one peanut in there?”  
  
She started laughing at how silly he sounded, but before she knew it, giggles turned into tears. She couldn't understand it, he was happy. Nothing in his words or tone said that he was upset or displeased with the unexpected turn of events. The doctor said she was fine, said the baby was fine. She wanted this, more than anything, so why was she suddenly feeling like the entire world was crumbling around her?  
  
“Emma...”   
  
Okay, now she'd scared him.   
  
“Sorry,” she said.   
  
He shifted a bit, setting the picture on the table and placing his hand on her still flat belly. “Everything will be fine,” he told her as he kissed her forehead.   
  
There was no way he could possibly know that, but the words were oddly comforting.   
  
Besides, maybe he was right. Maybe this time, things would be just fine.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after everything seems to settle down. Life moves on, and families grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get this updated, but the kid had a concert, I had a paper, and tomorrow, a final. Figured I should get this knocked out before I go to work tonight! 
> 
> Also, I have a little break from school for the next couple weeks. I could use a few prompts. You can hit me up here, or on tumblr at xhookswenchx

**One Year Later...**  
  
After Henry was born, Emma quit working to be a mother. It was something that had been denied her for so long, and that first time she held Henry in her arms, she knew there was nothing else she'd rather do. They'd already discussed several options that included her returning to work, because at the time, she still thought that was what she wanted, but when she brought up staying home to Killian, he was completely, and enthusiastically on board with the plan.   
  
Right now though, Emma wanted to be alone, so she told Killian she had to run a quick errand before he left for work. He didn't even question her, just asked that she bring Henry into the bedroom, smiling when she plopped the already awake and babbling infant onto the bed with his father. She gave both of them kisses, and promised to be quick.   
  
Amelia's thirteenth birthday was tomorrow, and despite all the good that had happened, Emma still missed the daughter she never got to know more than anything. She and Killian would be keeping their tradition of cupcakes and a movie tomorrow, and he would visit their daughter. Something she hadn't been able to do. She'd tried, when she first came back to town a couple years ago, but that had ended up turning into a giant mess, and after that, she decided it was still too painful.   
  
But now, it was something she couldn't avoid any longer, something she shouldn't have avoided at all. If she'd told Killian where she was going, he'd want to come with her, and that wasn't a bad thing, his need to protect her, but she needed to do this alone, even if it was just once. She needed to see her daughter, visit her, and make up for all that time she'd been away.   
  
Armed with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, she made her way through the cemetery, already feeling the tears prickling as she approached Amelia's grave.   
  
Once there, she knelt down and placed the flowers by the headstone. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, too choked up to speak, and knowing she didn't know what to say anyway.   
  
All Emma could think of was what could have been, what _should_ have been. Would she and Killian have stayed together had their daughter survived? Would they be as happy as they were now, or would there be resentment? Neither would have wandered far from Storybrooke, or chased their dreams like they'd always planned. Was it better that they both ran away, only to discover they never wanted to leave, or would it have been better to never leave at all?  
  
No, she decided, they would have been happy. They were both young, both suddenly taking on a huge responsibility that would have changed their lives forever, but the one dream that trumped everything else, was their dream to be together.   
  
She knew it the first time he kissed her, that there would never be anyone else quite like him, and he probably knew it long before that. He'd always loved her, and even though she tried to deny it at times, she had always loved him. They would have made it, she decided. Just like now, it wouldn't have been perfect, but it would have been good.   
  
Her heart started breaking all over again, as she wondered what Amelia would be like. Would she have been headstrong and rebellious, like Emma? Or maybe she'd have been more like Killian, calm and rational.   
  
Henry would never know his sister, and that made Emma hurt even more. Every time she looked at him, she thought of her, even though the two didn't even look alike. Henry had more of his mother's features, blond, where Amelia was a brunette, but they both had Emma's eyes. Sometimes, looking at her son as he smiled up at her, she wondered if that was how her daughter would have looked, waking up in the morning. Would she relentlessly harass her father into waking up, with giggles and pulled hair?   
  
What would she be like now? At thirteen, life can be hectic. Would they butt heads, or would they be close? Would she be a daddy's girl still, or try and pull away?  
  
If Amelia had survived, would Henry even be here?  
  
“Emma?” Someone called to her softly, and she knew it was Killian, but she couldn't figure out how he guessed where she'd gone. She didn't get up, didn't turn to face him, still too shaky and tearful to trust her balance. “I thought you might be here,” he said, as he sat down next to her, Henry sleeping soundly over his shoulder. “I didn't want to bother you, but it was getting late...”   
  
“Oh god,” she took a quick look at her watch, “I'm sorry-”  
  
“Don't worry about it,” he said, “I called in, but I was still worried about you. Just wanted to make sure everything was alright.”  
  
“I just...” She sighed as she shifted from her now uncomfortable kneeling position to sit down, “I needed to try.”  
  
“Do you need me to leave?” He asked.   
  
“No,” she shook her head, “I'm okay now.” She scooted closer to him, and rested her head on his shoulder, sharing the limited space with Henry, who didn't seem to mind. She kissed the little boy's nose, and giggled when he wrinkled it, and opened an eye to look at her. “Do you ever wonder what she would have been like?” She asked.   
  
“All the time,” he answered.   
  
***  
  
 **Four Years Later...**  
  
After that first, devastating loss, Emma couldn't see herself being truly happy. Now, she could hardly recall a time when she wasn't filled with joy.   
  
Things had changed drastically over the past few years.   
  
Neal and his father didn't get the time they deserved, but after the trials had been over and done with, Emma couldn't find it in her to care. She knew they were scheduled to get out soon, within weeks of each other, and it frightened her a bit, but she had a feeling that neither would dare show up in Storybrooke after what had happened. Especially Gold, who couldn't stand humiliation. He'd never show his face in town again. Neither tried to contact her, or any of her friends while they were locked away, and she took that as a good sign.   
  
Henry was every bit his father's son. Even though he looked like his mother, everything from his constantly disheveled hair to his devilish smirk, screamed Killian. Nearly two years after he was born, Emma gave birth to their daughter, Caroline, who was practically the spitting image of her father, but as she grew, they discovered she had her mother's spirit and lack of coordination. Both pregnancies were fairly complicated, and Emma considered herself lucky to have two healthy children, so after Caroline, they decided not to push their luck any more.   
  
David and Mary Margaret had James, who had almost a year on Henry, but they didn't seem to care, and were inseparable, especially when it came to tee ball. Regina and Robin had their twins, Roland and Isabelle around the same time Caroline was born. Both looked just like their mother, but their personalities were as different as night and day. Roland, being carefree like his father, and Isabelle, a little more serious, like her mother.   
  
All of the children had their parents wrapped around their little fingers.   
  
Much to everyone's surprise, Ruby and Victor had settled down and gotten married not long after Killian and Emma. Regina was sure Ruby was pregnant, but Emma knew better, especially when her friend cashed in on the IOU she'd given her as a thank you for willingly being dragged from doctor to doctor all those years ago.   
  
Emma would have gone to a thousand doctors if it meant Ruby could get what she wanted, but after the second, the brunette decided that enough was enough, telling Emma that some things just weren't meant to be.

***

Emma unbuckled Henry from his car seat, and helped him out as Killian came around from the other side, Caroline in his arms, chattering away about some flowers she had seen at the ball park. Henry started talking Emma's ear off, “we winned! I hit a run home!” She giggled, recalling the “run home” that had him rounding the bases backwards.   
  
_“It's tee ball, Emma,”_ Killian had laughed _, “and only their first game.”_  
  
“Anyone know what Ruby has us all meeting her here for?” Mary Margaret asked as she and David joined them. James immediately locked on to Henry, and the boys started talking about their game, now ignoring the adults.   
  
“It's Ruby,” Killian reasoned, “so probably something crazy and outrageous. Where's the rest of our group?”  
  
They took a few seconds to look around for Regina and Robin, noticing their car in the lot. “Must be inside,” Emma shrugged, “let's go.”  
  
The group walked into the diner to find Roland and Isabelle talking Victor's ear off, and their parents, trying to calm them down and distract them, so their friend could have a moment’s peace.   
  
“Uncle Vic's back!” James shouted, excitedly. He and Henry ran towards Victor, while Caroline squirmed until her father released her so she could join them.  
  
“Where's Ruby?” Emma asked, noticing her friend was visibly absent.   
  
“She'll be here in a minute,” Victor said as everyone sat down.  
  
“How was Boston?” Regina asked.  
  
“Interesting,” Victor answered, “not exactly a place I'd care to live though.”  
  
He was hiding something, but Emma couldn't figure out what. Victor and Ruby had been fairly secretive lately, and just a few weeks ago, had suddenly gone off on a vacation. It wasn't something they were known to do, even with their impulsive natures, and when they were gone longer than a few days, everyone started to worry.  
  
“Ruby's selling the diner,” Victor blurted out, “and obviously, the inn goes with it.”  
  
“What?” Mary Margaret asked what they all were thinking. She was the only one who didn't seem to be too shocked to speak.  
  
“It's a long story,” he shrugged, “she'll explain it when she gets here.” He quickly checked his watch, and then looked out the window.   
  
Everyone watched the window in anticipation, waiting for Ruby to drive up. It wasn't like her to take a spontaneous vacation, and then, to just sell the diner without even mentioning it to anyone. Being married to Victor, she didn't exactly _need_ the diner, but it had been her home for so long, it would be strange to see it under different ownership. When Ruby's car pulled to a stop in front of the diner, Victor practically bolted out the door.  
  
“They're both acting _really_ strange,” Emma noted, “and it’s _not_ jet lag.”  
  
“Holy shit!” Regina shouted, “She didn't go on vacation at all!”   
  
“Language,” someone at the table reminded her. All the children giggled in amusement.  
  
Ruby greeted Victor, and then opened the rear door of the car to reach into the back seat. Emma noticed what had surprised Regina. There was _definitely_ an infant seat back there.  
  
“Oh my God,” Emma smiled as Ruby pulled a baby out of the seat, “That little sneak.”  
  
The two came into the diner, and sat down with their group, “Did you miss us?” Ruby asked.  
  
“You're a brat!” Emma exclaimed, “Let's see...her? Him?”  
  
Ruby grinned, “Her,” she said, pulling the blanket down a little so everyone could get a good look at her face. The girl was sleeping soundly, and didn't seem at all bothered by the crowd.   
  
“Watch this,” Victor beamed, pulling the little hat off the baby's head, revealing a mass of big, red curls. “Guess we should have named her Red, huh?”  
  
“Her name is Riley,” Ruby rolled her eyes at Victor and smiled, “But yeah, we've been calling her Red. Isn't she cute?”  
  
“When did this happen?” David asked.  
  
“We've been looking into adoption since before we even got married,” Ruby said, “and after I figured there was no way I was ever going to have one of my own, we decided we should really get serious about it. So, we found a birth mom who lived up in Boston right around Christmas. She said she was alone, and the guy ran off, and that she knew in her heart there was no way she could take care of her baby. She wanted to make sure her little girl got everything she needed. We took off when we got the call that she was going into labor.”  
  
“You got to be there?” Mary Margaret asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Ruby nodded, “It was really cool. After all that, we spent some time up in Boston with her while our lawyer finished everything up. It'll be a little longer before everything is finalized, but _so_ worth it.”  
  
“Vic said you were selling the diner,” Robin stated. Something everyone else seemed to have forgotten.  
  
“I'm joining the mom club,” Ruby giggled, “and it was time. I held onto it more for nostalgic reasons than anything else. I think I'll be happier now that I don't have to wrangle cooks and part-time waitresses who would rather gossip than work.”  
  
“I don't know _anyone_ who would do such a thing,” Emma laughed, recalling their days of giving Granny trouble. “So...can I see Miss Riley?”  
  
“I wouldn't come here if I didn't plan on sharing!” She handed the baby over to Emma, and eventually, the little girl was passed around to everyone. The little girl slept through it all, as if she were already used to being the main attraction at parties.

“We officially have a redhead in the bunch,” Emma said.  
  
“I think that means we're complete,” Ruby decided, “how about that?”


End file.
